There's not much September left, and next month BLOODSUCKER COUNTY will be crawling back to its original price! www.amazon.com/Bloodsucker-...

I’d only ever watched one episode of Jimmy Kimmel. Thanks to Trump and his FCC thug, I’ve now watched two. Nice going, dumbass!

To clear up a common misconception: You can still go to Heaven if you read my books, as long as you cluck your tongue in disapproval while you're doing it.

It's official. Angus Gelbert, 72, of Aberdeen, South Dakota got raptured today. Everybody else failed to qualify.

Whoa, I forgot that today is the Rapt

Who wants to share my chocolate-covered Swedish fish?

Happy "How The Hell Is It Fall Already???" Day!

Fright Reads decimated my stock of books, but if you want to sift through the scraps before I re-order, you can get 15% off the entire order with discount code CLOWN15. jeffstrand.bigcartel.com

Whoa!

Media in 2025: As brave as Sir Robin.

It's still September, which means BLOODSUCKER COUNTY is still a scant $1.99! www.amazon.com/Bloodsucker-...

Time to watch kids go on a peaceful hike!

Down to one copy of several titles, but I still have books for Day Two of FrightReads Book Festival!

My Fright Reads Q&A talked a lot about Chapter 18 of YOUR BODY WILL NEVER BE FOUND.

Ready for Fright Reads!!!

A mere 260 miles stand between me and FrightReads Book Festival! The drive continues!

Off to Fright Reads! Only 1236 miles to go!

Only a couple more shopping days until FrightReads Book Festival in Maryland! Which of you scoundrels will I see there?

I guess what I did is called “ancient gaming.”

“Also, I won the 2020 election! Benghazi!!!”

Just a quick reminder that YOUR BODY WILL NEVER BE FOUND still exists. www.amazon.com/Your-Body-Wi...

Fixed it.

BLOODSUCKER COUNTY is a Kindle Monthly Deal! The goofy splattery fun is half off--just like some of the victims! www.amazon.com/Bloodsucker-...

I’m not much of a gum chewer, but this was pretty good for the eight seconds the flavor lasted.

I WON $4, Y'ALL!!!!!

Today: JAWS on the big screen! Tomorrow: CLUE on the big screen!

For service in the face of humiliation and disgrace.

Bought a Powerball ticket. Just warning you that if i win the $1.1 billion jackpot, there’ll be a longer gap between new books.

Less than two weeks away! Who's gonna be there???

Got my tickets for THE LONG WALK. The theater seats should be replaced with treadmills.

If you’ve been interested in my work, but waiting until I’ve achieved “Appears In A Word Search” fame, the time is here!

Are you ready to ROCK?????????

Fellow metalheads! Tonight I will be ROCKING OUT to The Turtles, Jay & The Americans, Little Anthony, Gary Puckett, The Vogues, and The Cowsills! The mosh pit is going to be INSANE!!!!!!!!!!

Walter Basil, a cruel man, created this evil chapbook in response to the goodie box I sent to my Patreon subscribers. Here I am, being permanently traumatized while reading about my own grisly death.

It's been a VERY long time since I've said, "My agent has my new manuscript on submission to editors," but I'm saying it now! Please send "hugely lucrative book deal" vibes my way.

Writing productivity has been reduced for some reason.

Be there!

Signature sheets for the Thunderstorm Books hardcover edition of YOUR BODY WILL NEVER BE FOUND, coming soon!

Simply unpacking this elliptical is more challenging than assembling entire products! The bolts that held part of it together were in there so tight I broke the wrench!

Gavin Newsom has been making fun of Trump by tweeting in his trademark all-caps deranged childish rant style for the past few days. Somebody commented, "Is it just me, or is he starting to sound like Trump?" There is no satire so obvious that a dumb person won't get it.

Happy 25th Day Anniversary to my latest novel! www.amazon.com/Your-Body-Wi...

The one inflation-proof product, AriZona Iced Tea, may finally be forced to raise its 99-cent price thanks to Trump. I'm starting to think that pedophiles are bad for the economy.

WEAPONS didn't knock COMPANION out of the #1 spot of my favorite movies this year, but it's a strong second place!

Time to see WEAPONS! None of you hooligans were able to spoil it for me!

These are frickin’ GOOD!!!

"Air Bud, give us the ball! Give it! C'mon, Air Bud, give us the ball! Drop it, Air Bud! Give us the ball! Air Bud, you aren't doing this right!" -- The new AIR BUD, starring Jupiter, my mom's golden retriever.

Make sure you read this book near a washing machine, because you will soil your pants in terror! www.amazon.com/Your-Body-Wi...

Reading @bridgettnelson.bsky.social's first original novel, KARMA, which she finished today! I've been reading it in sections as it was written, but now I'm proofreading the whole thing. This one will punch you in the stomach, and then in the heart. Starting preparing yourself now!

DUDE IN BAR: It's sad and it's sweet, and I knew it complete when I wore a younger man's clothes. PIANO MAN: Why were you wearing his clothes? DUDE IN BAR: What? No, I meant-- PIANO MAN: Did you kill a guy and steal his clothes??? Get out!!!

"When we'd have our pedo parties, Trump would just be sitting off to the side, nose forever in a book! 'None for me!' he'd say, 'I'm far too busy enriching my mind with Dostoevsky and Faulkner!' Then he'd sip his tea and return to his literature." -- Ghislaine Maxwell.