Woo-hoo! I can go back to not having to think about this vile hag!

FREDDY KRUEGER: Give me what I want now, and I'll be happy to discuss not killing you in your dreams at a later time. CONGRESSIONAL DEMOCRATS: Sounds good to us!

Weak.

The lobster truck is in town!!!

Coming soon to my Patreon. Cover by @ruthannaevans.bsky.social.

Dear God...now nobody will be safe from flung subs!

My act of heroism for the day: I disabled CoPilot on my mom's computer.

Ouch. Trump is going to have to release the Epstein Files to distract from these election results!

Halloween doesn't have to end! IT WATCHES IN THE DARK is $1.99 all month, wherever you buy e-books!

DICK CHENEY: Hey, this special place in Hell isn't as bad as I expected! SATAN: Yeah, a lot has changed, and we need to reserve the space.

Ignore the liberal hoax. Silver Shamrock masks are totally fine for your children to wear.

It's Halloween, which means it's the last day to get Bridgett Nelson's EMBRACING THE PROFANE for 99 cents! Don't be a full-price-paying chump! www.amazon.com/dp/B0DWZPVR2X/

Happy Halloweeeeeeeen!!!

In the pipeline, a bonkers slasher novel trilogy by me! www.publishersweekly.com/pw/by-topic/...

Happy Devil’s Night, Mischief Night, Cabbage Night, and Goosey Night, everyone!

Sale ends on Halloween! Get EMBRACING THE PROFANE for 99 cents! That's less than half a cent per "WTF, Bridgett???" moment. www.amazon.com/Embracing-Pr...

It's Bridgett Nelson's most effed up collection yet! Now only 99 cents between now and Halloween! www.amazon.com/Embracing-Pr...

It amazes me how @jeffstrand.bsky.social keeps churning out winner after winner. Such a fun read ⭐⭐⭐⭐

I assume YOUR BODY WILL NEVER BE FOUND would've been #53! www.menshealth.com/entertainmen...

New @jeffstrand.bsky.social limited edition is going to arrive mid-November. Secure your copy today! thunderstormbooks.com/thunderstorm.... Cover art by Frank Walls.

The gourmet hardcover collector's edition of YOUR BODY WILL NEVER BE FOUND is now available for pre-order from Thunderstorm Books! thunderstormbooks.com/thunderstorm...

Last black licorice ice cream of the season!

I wasn’t invited into this anthology, presumably because they know I could never top my redneck story “The Moonshining” from Y’ALL AIN’T RIGHT.

Be careful swimming in Bone Lake, or you might get poked!

My first time bowling in a very, very long time. I did okay my first game, then proceeded to suck more with each new game.

I’m seeing GOOD BOY instead…but what a world!!!

Good doggie!!!

My new buddy.

It’s behind me, isn’t it?

AUTHOR: In my new novel, this dude who changed the Department of Defense to the Department of War is pissy that he didn’t win the Nobel Peace Prize! EDITOR: Get the hell out of here until you learn how to write plausible fiction.

Bridgett Nelson’s new tattoo. We’ve entered the “No Returns” phase of our relationship.

My new arm!

Oh, crap, what’s this…?

Visiting my publisher! Unless they call security.

Bridgett Nelson suggested that it may be time for a new wallet.

I only dine at the classiest joints!

I’ve considered it, yeah.

He’s not for sale. The shipping cost would be way too high.

I think the original TRON was my first experience with a movie that looked amazing from the trailer but was, in fact, really boring.

Look, a lot of horror authors are going to try to get you to read their books this Halloween season, but they don't care about you the way I do. Listen to your heart, and make it a Strand-o-Ween! 🎃

Somebody has to say it: I just don't think Trump is going to get around to the whole "pivot to presidential behavior" thing.

That glorious feeling when edits for your book are accompanied by the message, "You have issues, my friend."

Mildly concerned that now there isn't anybody to control Jane Goodall's chimpanzee army.

TEACHER: Because Congress was unable to work out a deal, hundreds of thousands of federal workers won't get paid. STUDENT: That includes members of Congress, right? TEACHER: LOL you dumbass kid.

If I ever write a book called PRAY FOR DAWN, I’ll keep this offer in mind.

"In my military, there will be no fat troops, men in dresses, or competent leadership!" -- Pete Hegseth

Today is the last day BLOODSUCKER COUNTY is a Kindle Monthly Deal! Don't dilly-dally or lollygag--get it NOW! www.amazon.com/Bloodsucker-...

You made it through the last month of the real world, so I'm sure you can handle my latest novel! www.amazon.com/Your-Body-Wi...

I have no idea why, but the hardcover edition of my novel FINDERS KEEPERS is only $5.20 (!) on Amazon. Order now before they fix it! www.amazon.com/Finders-Keep...

There's not much September left, and next month BLOODSUCKER COUNTY will be crawling back to its original price! www.amazon.com/Bloodsucker-...