Comstar Fact: Approximately 54 percent of all HPG traffic consists of late night TV shopping channels. Another fact: Did you know you can buy a ”genuine” Star League cooling suit for twelve hundred easy payments of 15.99? I sure didn’t!

Mech salesman slapping mech: "You can tell this one's got lostech because it still makes the Windows XP startup sound!"

This is why you take an accuracy hit when you're running, btw.

"The adept appears to be Naruto running..." "In a mech?" "In a mech."

It's listed on the spec sheet as a TAG unit mounted in the mech's head, but it's really just giving the pilot a laser pointer they can shine out of the cockpit window.

Archival image of the Comstar Invader Galaxy. (Huntress, 3060, colourised)

What is an Elemental if not a robotsona fursuiter?

In the end, it's really for the best that the Tukayyid plan of "just seventeen thousand Locusts" was voted down.

I FUCKING LOVE HEXAGONS.

In the Fronc Reaches, the three phases of combat are: - Rootin' - Tootin' - Shootin'

The sad tale of the Fire Moth pilot: Born to give hugs, forced to carry battle armour :(

This would imply that the SLDF took all the best furry porn with them, which, considering the Clans, was probably true.

Everyone talks about the Helm Memory Core, but everyone sleeps on the Mlem Memory Core, which was four terabytes of furry porn.

The Northwind Highlanders are well known for their use of bagpipes as a psychological weapon during engagements. I, on the other hand, get the psychological upper hand by calling the protomech pilot a *~*good puppy!*~* on an open channel.

Actually on that note: Is it dezgra to be a twink in Clan Ghost Bear?

Rules for topping and bottoming are in TacOps, btw, with roleplaying rules for D/S scenarios in AToW.

Freaky sex was lostech in the Inner Sphere until it was rediscovered by Vlad Ward and Phelan Kell while he was a bondsman.

<CONTACT.> I've watched how hard the team, the writers, and organisers have worked on getting this together, and it's my great pleasure to announce that Outreach, a Battletech community fan project has launched! Grab it here: outreach-fanzine.itch.io/outreach-ant...

FROM: [email protected] TO: [email protected] Hi, Could we please arrange for an interdiction on Tharkad for a day or two while I catch up on the Solaris 7 fights I've recorded? I've got some alleged 'friends' who keep trying to spoil them before I could watch them.

WOLF'S DRAGOONS MONITORING STATION OUTREACH JUNE 25, 3051 <BREAK, BREAK, BREAK.> <INCOMING JUMPSHIP DETECTED.> <JUMPSHIP HAS DEPLOYED DROPSHIPS.> <ETA ON DROPSHIPS: 12-36 HOURS.> <PREPARE FOR INCOMING ARRIVAL.>

Similarly, battle armour taking hits while riding along with your mech are best considered 'ablative friends'

An OOC moment: I help run the Star League community and it's a privilege to know these people and be a part of making that community what it is. I'd recommend giving the interview a read on Sarna.

Jumpseat passengers, or as I prefer to think of them, cockpit crit padding;

FROM: [email protected] TO: [email protected] Your proposal to mount hand actuators on a hovertank intrigues me, but is none the less denied.

FROM: [email protected] TO: [email protected] I’ve just gotten back from a mission on Huntress and can’t work out why I’m getting billed for roaming charges on my FedCom account when I’m in Tharkad? Agent notes: Hate to be the one to break it to you mate...

It is the year 3145. Comstar has still not paid for a WinRAR license.

It's a little known fact that every Greggs is actually a Comstar front.

Turns out the latest Marik civil war was caused by the Captain General shuffling the order of his top 8 friends on Myspace.

Dropped some mechsploitation smut onto the company sharepoint and family, it's like introducing a predator into a previously stable ecosystem.

IT FUCKEN COMNING!

OOC: I never thought I'd be in a situation where I have to explain to my psych that I roleplay on the internet as the IT service desk agent for a fictional evil phone company from an 80's tabletop gaming franchise, but there I was, having to explain this shit.

FROM: [email protected] TO: [email protected] I'm sorry, but convincing a new pilot to carry twelve tons of machine gun ammo onboard is a time honoured traditional ComStar prank, and not subject to our new rules on hazing.

Please note that travel costs are incurred at a rate of .15 C-Bills per agent per mile, and will be invoiced separately.

FROM: [email protected] TO: [email protected] Hi, Please see the attached invoice for 151,283,821.32 billable hours for services rendered on Tukayyid in the month of May. This invoice is payable at any Comstar office, and only payable in C-Bills, as we do not support house scrip.

We're not entirely sure how we ended up in this situation, but somehow the HPG network is reliant on someone paying an original XBox live subscription each month.

Apologies for the strange output coming out of Jardine lately, somebody installed BonzaiBuddy on the HPG Relay Terminal.

When looking at the state of my Level II's mechs, he described them as 'unique and special, just like you!' Should I be offended?

Mechwarrior Bob Ross doesn't cause collateral damage, just happy little accidents.

If you have the strength to lift the book of every Battletech rule, you are seen worthy in the eyes of Victor Steiner Davion and granted plot armour.

It's common for Mechwarriors to pilot their mechs in shorts and light clothing, due to the extreme heat. What is not common is pilots without shoes and socks. The pilot with their feet out is committed, unable to be reasoned with, and warrants great fear. If you see them grippers out? Run.

Do you think Nova Cat ration packs contain fortune cookies?

I don't need a 401(k), I have a Nova Cat bondsman in the basement I feed LSD to in exchange for next week's Powerball numbers.

Broke: Truck nuts. Woke: Mech nuts. Shut the fuck up, Eric, your truck might have a long tom but that still counts as a truck.

Shots that could be from the Fronc HPG office.

Rocking nothing except my neurohelmet and cooling vest in the cockpit because piloting an assault mech is a pussy out kinda look.

Tukayyid was won with the power of methamphetamines. What, no? The Comguard weren't tweaking, we just mailed a bunch to the Clan Smoke Jaguar dropships in orbit and let nature take its course. (Meta note: I will always read MW:DA as MDMA)

No, but the Assassin cockpit has been described as a "sensory hellscape" by many pilots. Not because it's cramped, but because the seat is made out of a material that icks me out.

Turns out ripping out the SRM controls when converting a Victor cockpit left the VTR-9Ka with a perfect glass smooth surface for splitting lines of "performance enhancing stimulants" I suspect this was not a mistake.

Deep within Comstar archives on Terra, we actually have a database of every single Inner Sphere mech, and every configuration of each mech, sorted entirely by how good the dashboard is for ripping lines of Canopus' finest marching powder.

FROM: [email protected] TO: [email protected] Could we please start including it in the drop briefing when there’s a chance our munitions might hit the local escape velocity? There’s a VERY angry dropship full of people ROM are gonna have to cover up now.