There’s a message inside pillows that get karate chopped into fortune cookies you can pull: “Stop this, now.”

This t-shirt is not just beige. It’s not taupe, it’s not pewter. It’s actually edgecomb.

Got plans this jolly #fcf?

From CD-ROM to CD-ARC

Sorry I’m bald (???) Oh, and zero body hair too. Who would want a complete loser like me 🙄

On Wednesdays we clutch our pearls

I wish I could find the joy in running, but I just can’t. My knees have gotten so bad. Circling the mall for nice stuff is cardio, yes?

I keep mistaking the coffee stirrer for a straw

Knowing there’s jocks & daddies just outside this bathroom got me exxxtra feral 😈💦

I may have a runny nose, but I also have a runny hose💧

Been sick all weekend. Anything I breathe is now an allergy trigger. FML

I kinda miss feeling hungover & feral.

Today couldn’t get any better - hopped to the hole-in-the-wall bar next door for this playful, whimsical “adult” halo-halo 🍹🇵🇭

Send my white t-shirt thoughts & prayers 🤤🍕🖤

#FCF but make it #shootingpenisfriday 💦💦💦💦

I’ve never cried over a Survivor vote. Until now. Long live Cirie. 👑

While I can afford it, I simply can’t and won’t justify spending $10 on 2 spam musubis. What are we paying for, the skill set it took to wrap it?

I had such a shit workout today, fighting a sinus issue between sets. It’s what I get for leadership and babysitting a new hire, who refuses to cover his sneezes.

Should have said this to a pastor who once upon a time sat me down and told me rebuke my “sin” of homosexuality

These boys next to me casually feeling each other’s muscles is so fucking homoerotic 🥵

Meat locker 🤤

STOP PUTTING SEAT COVERS THAT MAKE BUCKLING UP AN EXTREME SPORT!!! 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

Happy Mother’s Day to every mother, grandmother, drag mother, mother adjacent, expecting mother, and mister mom. It’s an extremely difficult, often thankless job. You know?

Who needs extra icing on their donut hole?

How are gays still asking potential hookups whether they’re “clean” & neg in 2026? 🤦🏻‍♂️

Leaky Friday

Who would like to pull my shorts up?

Your top 15 shows ever, gut instincts only: Charmed Lucifer Dead to Me Desperate Housewives Ted Ugly Betty Survivor Dexter Once Upon a Time Love, Victor Suits Never Have I Ever The Pitt 9-1-1 Witches of East End

Post your warning sign

Come into the light bodyodyodyyyyyy, I miss showing you off 😩

Oh hey it’s #fcf. Catch!

I DETEST PLASTIC UTENSILS!

I’m working legs today. All 3 of them!

You could be doing this to me today. Apply! 🤤

I better not see a racist and/or cultist “celebrating sink-o de my-oh” at my local taqueria today…

Call your fucking bank and have them reissue you a new card to your new place. Stop pestering me for your mail you didn’t bother to inform your bank of your new address. I am not your fucking mail hub. I will also be blocking people here who gaslight me into being nicer and rewording my post.

Hi 👋🏽 That’s all.

Unless the plates have your name on it, you do not get to look at me like I stole it from the barbell you left “between sets.” Bro.

Ooey gooey sticky #fcf

We Lambily will do this for free 😭 tips appreciated.

Name a band you LOVED in your 20s

Reminder that I’m yummy 🤤

I feel gaslit and cancelled after my post yesterday about an outfit in a video game.

I’m so hung up on 40-year-old me 🥵

Boxxxy Andrews ◻️⬜️◻️

I’d feel weird and spooked talking to an AI version of my dead sister & dad. I’m content with my frequent interactions with them in my vivid dreams.

Am I a dumb top now? 😭

A light jacket, and…world peace. #April25

Describe your perfect date.

Bred holes. 💦💦 Who wants next?