It’s not enough for perps in The Files to resign or be fired from their high profile positions. Losing a job when you already have millions on millions does nothing. The consequence must equal the crime.

Noon tidings! Remember to bully Pam Bondi today!

Genuine question: how are people getting into deep, meaningful relationships without knowing the political alignment of the people they’re dating/friends with???

The Hermés Birkin Bag is an egregore.

Hey, World Cup Officials and Players, Boycott the World Cup in the U.S. simply do not show up. Patrons, this goes for y’all too. Literally cancel the World Cup. Please.

There will be absolutely no Rebecca Black slander in my house.

I know some people who would have wanted Jesus jailed after seeing him turn tables in the temple and berate the Pharisees in public.

The pure disgust on my face as I read this:

Hell is empty and Heaven doesn’t hear.

My husband while I’m trying to explain Spoon Council videos and why I get both excited and scared every time one pops up in my feed:

As a U.S. American, I’d love to impart the following knowledge to the rest of the world: U.S. citizens do not want wars. With anybody. Fuck.

Don’t ask me to explain it, but a Minnesota accent is the Derry, Ireland, accent of the USA.

I refuse to have to acknowledge this man as the first openly queer president.

There is no such thing as unskilled labor. ✌️

That White Lady fully said “thanks for your money, here’s who I really am!” She admitted to knowing she was going to alienate her liberal fan base and squeezed the last cents she could out of them. So. She’s showed you her face. And she wants you to dump her if you don’t like her, babes.

Loooving Brat Fall.

I would love it if U.S. military leaders just told that dried out sweet potato fry NO.

Are we sure the original title for the album wasn’t “The Life of a Travwife”?

Another day, another song that proves Taylor Swift has no critical understanding of Shakespeare.

Studying my Bible today and ran across Galatians 3:28. “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” In conclusion, Jesus is the anti-bigot, trans affirming, kink-positive bestie you’ve been looking for. Love y’all!

I would just prefer it if I didn’t have to live under a dictatorship, with the constant threat of military force and gun violence, in an endless state of panic over world war, with the utter fear of my body being ransacked, you know? Does that make sense?

I think churches should have to I.D. their members to see if they’re old enough to hear about Hell and Eternal Damnation. That shit is rated R at best.

You know what? I think a grudge is healthy, actually. If the only reason I need to forgive someone is for my internal well-being, I promise I am thriving with this non-forgiving disgust over them in my heart.

We get it: your truck is loud because you can’t find the clit.

I dunno about y’all, but I would go absolutely FERAL for a brand new BlackBerry phone. Give me back the clicky clackies. I want to be a soft menace to society.

My lukewarm take is that you should eat tofu like it’s a vessel for sauces, NOT like it’s a flavorless “meat.”

If that song has been out more than a decade, and I’m singing the lyrics wrong, respectfully, don’t bother to correct me. If I didn’t learn the lyrics when the song first came out, I will not remember the right words because you stopped my jam sesh. 💖

Conversations with Me Be Like: Friend: “Do you want mshmshmsh Mtn Dew?” Me: “Yes!” Friend: 👁️ 👄 👁️ Me: *suddenly realizes the mshmshmsh was “Dr Pepper or”* “— I mean Mtn Dew.”

I’ll never trust a stranger more than at a music festival, specifically Bonnaroo. And now I just made myself sad.

Everything is Thomas Edison’s fault.

This whole long-jean-skirts-are-FASHION-now thing is giving “tell me you didn’t grow up in the South with Holiness friends without telling me you didn’t grow up in the South with Holiness friends.”

Cutie cats

Maybe this is a hot take, but I don’t think we should care about who the next Harry Potter cast are… There shouldn’t be any controversy because we shouldn’t be paying attention to this. And also: leave them kids alone.

To be clear: in Train’s song “Meet Virginia,” Virginia is hella ADHD coded, and he wants the fuck out of her, and I love that for them.

Actually, factually heartbroken.

Happy May Day/Beltane, everyone! Light a little fire and sing a little song for the spirits and the fae today! (But don’t follow the music into the woods.)

Happy 95th birthday to the only detective I care about: Nancy Drew

When I was a kid, I thought goats were the boys and sheep were the girls.

It’s the way I want to piss in her cup and put that cigarillo out in her hair.

Theoretically, I love spontaneity and free-spiritedness. In practice, I have melt downs when there is no plan.

“Ally, just because you had a large iced tea and turbo-schooled your way to midnight does not mean you get to keep both of us up until the wee hours of the morning.” - My Dude

My girl has arrived.

Baby, if you’re in charge of cops, you are a cop.

Veruca Salt’s song in Willy Wonka is straight BARS. It’s poetry. It’s a masterpiece.

Dancin at discos, eatin cheese on toast. Yeah you make me merry, make me very very happy. But you obviously—you didn’t wanna stick around. So I learnt from you.

Why aren’t there more colorful jelly electronics out there in the world right now? Bring that shit BACK.

Is Nancy Drew a dark academia girlie?

I wore my gen Zalpha pants to work today and someone asked me if I had “everything I need for the campus tour.” Good to know I’m not looking decrepit just yet.

I used to think I hated “Drops of Jupiter” by Train, but listening as an adult, I’m realizing that I only hated it because my best friend did. No. I actually think I like it. I said it.

Okay, okay. I finally bought wide leg pants. Okay?