did the Apple keyboard recently get even worse than it already was?

tell me why a one-time sniffies hookup wished me a speedy recovery when I told him I was sick but the guy I’ve been dating hasn’t even noticed or said anything

idk personally if my mom went missing and not even the full resources of the federal government could find her then the last thing I’d want the day after Mother’s Day is to be given a hosting game for a game show

don’t bite the toe that feets you

Did Madonna just say hi to me or did I hallucinate that

didn’t see altydalty at the met gala

three different men ghosted me in the past month but still watch my stories…that’s crazy right?

they’re really releasing hantavirus and disclosing UFOs and perpetuating a war in the Middle East all to inexplicably protect a bunch of child r*pists

hope I don’t get infected with the hankypankyvirus

damn…thought things were going well with this guy but he’s been active on insta and not texting back now. thought this one might be different but I guess I was wrong 😞

so we really have another global pandemic brewing huh

everyone talking about spirit airlines but not enough people talking about the more devastating shut-down of ask jeeves :(

sam star makes me h word

is yestermorrow just today?

NYCoomfs wya

we’re gonna be flying spirit in spirit from now on

petal to the metal, omg you guys it’s gonna be a metal album

24601…hope I don’t get indicted

my jaw DROPPED

free speech warriors: Jimmy Kimmel shouldn’t be allowed to say— the First Amendment: now wait just a damn minute

the thing they don’t tell you when you go into your thirties is that your knees will get tired and start hurting in missionary

I wish I had six pairs of ears so that I could listen to Kesha, Demi, and Rose Gray all at the same time

liking pictures of the men I wanna look like between sets at the gym

commenting “too soon” on photos of runners with the caption “I ran”

do ppl actually still watch Jimmy Fallon

“are you on something” yeah thin ice

happy bearthday

I hope this email finds you two weeks away from obtaining a nuclear weapon

is congress even governing or are they all just investigating each other at this point

I hope drake planned an even bigger explosion for earth day

me walking five blocks for a hu is sex tourism

istg people in the last 24 hours have been capitalizing PrEP incorrectly on purpose its driving me iNsAnE

god I love canadian tree sauce (maple syrup)

sex so good with this surgeon that I asked him for a double knee replacement afterward

what is PrEP belly

pleated rivalry

bleated rivalry

rivalry boots the house down

cooled-down rivalry

just voted by mail-in abortion in virginia

virginia istg

so excited for the semiquinceañera this year 🇺🇸

BBC alleges that water is wet

being messy and just followed a former administrator from 8 years ago who I thought was hot but was kind of a dick back then and then eventually came out as gay and apparently has been living his best life after divorcing his wife

hung bf named jack call him jack and the giant beanstalk

kinda wanna impulse purchase a ticket to another Demi concert after last night but I have no idea where else she’s going and when and also the federal government took so much money from me last week so my wallet is drier than my

my soles are so soft today

saw Demi went to the bars and now ending the night watching the historic juicy and mia lip sync

happy flex friday