You can always count on the police to do fuck-all when it involves any danger at all to themselves. But if there's an opportunity to go hands on with a defenseless person who can't fight back, Katie bar the door

And because people erroneously buy meat based on color, we get situations where grocers intentionally do things to old meat to make it look "the right" color.

Will I enjoy Cinco de Mayo if I haven't seen uno-cuatro de Mayo?

Without downloading anything new, where are you, mentally?

Everyone stop what you're doing and look at this dog's ears

Annoying. I ordered the Small head/Small body and they sent a Small body/Large head on accident.

I'm riding my horse. I'm riding my Thomas the Tank Engine. I'm riding my combination horse and Thomas the Tank Engine

Who up sucking off chili dogs outside the Tasty Freeze?

We need a Markwayne Mullin of the left

Did he rename it the Straight of Jerusalem yet?

I want a land acknowledgement from the self checkout machine

You hate to see the Dow back under 50k, but on the upside at least we can ask questions about Epstein and Trump again without getting yelled at by the AG

A big part of the problem with the banana is that they're all the same, like genetically identical. You never eat one and think "man, that's a great fucking banana" because every banana just tastes like a mid-tier banana.

We need left-coded Boner pills

"but where!? Where can I sit for this news? I have nowhere to do so!" -guy the chair inventor planted in the crowd to ask leading questions

Superbowl LX: Oops all Field Goals

I've been living my life as though today was Thursday, only to find out that it's actually Wednesday too late to do anything about it

He used to go by Tony and was actually the Prime Minister there for awhile. No relation, BTW

Is it a good thing if the leader of your country compares himself and his country (favorably) to Nazi Germany?

Happy Whisky Friday to all who celebrate

Big dog in a little bed

Even if you were inclined to give ICE the benefit of the doubt, the lie-filled response and absolute insane rhetoric from the VP is just too much.

In like 9 months we'll be like man, years almost over

And you guys say the Trump administration never does anything that helps regular people

This is going to be the policy that makes Fetterman stop rubberstamping Trump cabinet appointments

I have no idea what ~50 percent of this post is about but I feel like there's a decent chance I'll remember it for the rest of my life for some reason

This MF gonna die to distract from the Epstein files isn't he

this feels like allegory

Mamdani is going to impose shishito law, every 10th law will be extra spicy

It's a shame Rudy Giuliani isn't alive to see this. He would have hated it

Suspected spam call endorses Cuomo

Who up aloofing they wives?

Bitterfinger

LDTDOINLOL: Let's do the Declaration of Independence next lol

A sure sign that things are going good for your conservative administration is when one of your Cabinet heads is fighting with a veteran country music star on Twitter.

He probably wrote and forgot about an EO banning use of the pronoun "they" on federal government computers and it just autocorrected to "you"

Falling asleep in the warm & downy confines of my mother goose's wing would fix me

Thinking about signing up for the Florida National Guard so I can go visit Portland

My personal hell is just going to be an endless stream of Tom Brady Fox NFL commercials, Gronk USAA ads and a 1-877Kars4Kids ad thrown in every 100 years or so as a treat

He wants to spent more time with his sacks of cash

How about this one? "🥁" -Snare Quote

"🎳" - spare quote

This is madness. What are we doing here? Was this woman charged with something? What is the justification for use of force?

Non of them said "immigrants rule"?

Everybody make sure you wear clean underwear to bed tonight