Key moment from "Babylon 5" back in the '90s. These days I think of it every time J. K. Rowling opens her mouth. www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbvq...

Police: "Just tell us the truth. Don't make us sweat it out of you." Andrew: "Actually -"

"Wuthering Heights" is actually the first part of a trilogy that continues with "Wuthering Widths" and "Wuthering Lengths". In fact Warner Brothers is hoping to expand the IP into a whole Wuthering Dimensions cinematic universe, which they've planned up to the eleventh film, "Wuthering Superstring".

To think: a single meme about the Queen's death turned Paddington into our culture's official psychopomp. He is Anubis now. [Add cartoon of jackal-headed god handing over regalia to small bear.]

The sheer menace of winter sports. "Still to come in today's Olympic round-up: the women's dismembered skeleton, the 200 metres death rattle, the team relay arterial scalpel, and the second round of mixed alpine rollerball."

When you see that Film4's showing "Warlock" but it turns out to be the 1959 Western and not the one with Julian Sands as an evil magician.

Disney's "Robin Hood" (1973).

Just turned over to BBC1 halfway through "Crimes of the Future", where a man is showing a woman his surgical disfigurements while claiming he's been nominated for the "Most Original Organ" award. Since this is a Cronenberg, I HAVE NO IDEA WHETHER THE CHARACTER IS JOKING OR THAT'S GENUINELY THE PLOT.

The illustrator W. Heath Robinson was famous for his comically over-elaborate machines, but I never realised what powered them.

To me, every comic in DC's "Absolute" range sounds like an insult. "Absolute Batman" has the same energy as "total cockwomble".

If we invent superheroes and play role-playing games because of the power fantasy, then imagine how pathetic the people who created *us* must be. The gods can only dream of having indexing skills like mine, it's wizardry to them.

Good to see "Doctor Who" going back to practical effects.

OH DEAR LORD. (If you're unfamiliar with the work of Lee & Herring, then I'm sorry, I can't explain how funny this is. But no, Anthony Hopkins didn't write that.)

There should be an SI unit for the amount of work you do while you're trying to avoid the work you're supposed to be doing.

Hey ladieeez.

#CallMyBluff #D&D

This is how they get you hooked. They give you the first knicker for free, but then you have to pay over the odds to get the second one and make a pair.

YouTube-friendly remake of "Kill Bill" called "Unalive Clive".

Ernest Rutherford Fellowships should rebrand as The Ernest Rutherford Fellowships. Then they'd be called TERFs and the government might fund them by mistake.

The fact that it's called "Grok" means Charles Manson is now only the second-worst person to have been inspired by "Stranger in a Strange Land".

Columbo is America's Doctor Who. He's only attached to a militaristic organisation like the LAPD because he's been exiled to Earth.

Threatening us with the size of their invasion force.

There's a new game on #Gladiators called "Everest". You'd think this would be about climbing, but no, it literally looks like an advert for double glazing. Ted Moult would never have got up to these shenanigans.

There are currently at least two car adverts on TV that look like this, and every time I see one, I flinch.

Reading "The Veil of Astellar" by Leigh Brackett (1944). First paragraph of chapter one, and already I have questions.

The Homelander's really let himself go.

Petition to reduce the standard chest measurement of an XL shirt from 42-44 inches to 40 inches, so that the description is accurate in Roman numerals.

Do you ever find yourself wondering if one day you'll commit a crime so vast that every word you've every written will be unearthed, scrutinised, and reinterpreted in the context of that crime? Asking for a friend.

All of this could have been quite easily avoided, but no, Thomas Crooks had to try for the "Sniper Elite"-style head-shot rather than going for body mass. Video games have ruined this generation.

[Me, shaking my head sadly, looking at the velociraptor I married in the '90s when they didn't have feathers and were bigger than turkeys.] You've changed.

Right, I have 26 minutes to do all the minor things I said I'd do before the end of the year. So they will *definitely* be done now.

Having spent November immured in #Blakes7, this video confirms my suspicions as to why it's still popular. I don't think it's a very good programme. But if it *were* good, it'd be fucking amazing. It's like the British version of '70s anime.

CONCEPT: "Twilight Zone"-style set-up where a bored teenage boy in an Ikea showroom opens one of the drawers, and finds a stash of porn mags identical to his own, complete with "marks of use". FEEDBACK FROM ACTUAL TEENAGERS: What are "mags"?

Pleased to discover that if you type "Eras Video" into Google, it isn't sure whether to give you Taylor Swift or the Fast Show.

If nothing else*, this was the year when I 2Wordled five times. *Nothing else.

We, erm... we maybe should've talked about this more.

Turns out Tesco delivery springs back into action v. quickly after Christmas, but don't even think about ordering anything pork-related. Sausage rolls? Hahahah. No, not today. Pigs in blankets? You're a week late for *that* treasure, Indiana. The bacon-and-cheese DO NOT BOTHER FINISHING THE REQUEST.

I hate being angry. I just can't be anything else any more.

Never put a Brexiter in charge of your ionisation project. #DoctorWho #BBC4

The high water mark of the series. So to speak.

Version of "Superwholock" for oldhead nerds that combines the original #DoctorWho, the Sunday Classics "Hound of the Baskervilles" with Tom Baker, and the 1977 BBC anthology series "Supernatural". (Here's an episode of it with Jeremy Brett being 120% Jeremy Brett.) www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXc8...

Now we have the best #Strictly winner ever, we can worry about new presenters. Tess' role can safely be taken by Fleur from #ItTakesTwo, who's proved herself popular and more than competent. Claudia's role should ideally go to some kind of filthy CGI cocaine goblin motion-captured by Andy Serkis.

They should turn the Epstein Files into a game like Wordle, where you can type words over the redactions and see how many letters you've got right. Although admittedly Wordle doesn't have the same five-letter word as the answer every time.

Credible.

FIRST VERSE: I saw three ships come sailing in ⁠On Christmas day, on Christmas day; I saw three ships come sailing in, And yet this is an urbanised area Of a non-coastal county. SECOND VERSE: ["X Files" music plays.]⁠