Just a personal view, but: I think the reason I find it so funny is that the name "Harry Kane" suggests an assassin from a noir-themed video game. You don't expect him to open his mouth and sound like the Monty Python ream doing their Old Woman voices.

The best thing about using a VPN is that foreign ads are, inevitably, less annoying than native ads. Although if you're in the UK and watching ads from the US, prepare for the culture shock of "Safelite repair, Safelite replace" AND IT'S THE AUTOGLASS JINGLE BUT WITH THE WRONG NUMBER OF SYLLABLES -

God, I get so much more attention when Una McCormack likes me.

I've been watching "Babylon 5" on Freeview 41 (because I want to see how well / badly it's aged, yes it was very exciting in the '90s BUT), and I'd forgotten how much Bishop Brennan was in it. Nerdfact: Jim Norton was in more episodes of "Babylon 5" than he was in "Father Ted".

I keep seeing adverts for a cider called "Thatcher's Juicy Apple", which sounds like a euphemism Alan Clark might have used in his diaries. Don't think about that too hard.

I'm in the UK and I just used the oven. Now I look like this.

On a lighter note: Lego have finally released a minifigure based on their early-2000s "Bionicle" maxi-figures. But how do they explain this meeting of incompatible universes...? Well, the figure is officially called "Bionicle Cosplayer".

The gateway arch of Stonehenge is so precisely placed that on the summer solstice, the Colonel's face rises directly above it.

#didyouknow If you take all the bones from medieval reliquaries, you can assemble them into Saint Voltron.

[Me, a clever historian, suffocating from the heat in Britain.] I mean, fair's fair, we *did* start the industrial revolution.

"No disintegrations."

Starmer spent his leadership chasing right-wing policy in an attempt to pull in right-wing voters, giving the electorate a choice of near-indistinguishable right-wing parties. If ending any sense of meaningful democracy in the UK doesn't qualify someone as "objectively bad", then what the fuck does?

That does it. The electric fan's going up to 4.

Amazon's concept of "romance" has layers.

If there's one thing I know from YouTube, it's that if somebody says [A THING] IS *OVER*!!!, it isn't remotely over. Every day something new is COOKED!!!, and yet nothing ever ends. Even NFTs go on existing, and will do until their blockchains strangle us like six-pack rings around a mallard's neck.

Had a dream where I was watching an episode of "Columbo" set in the future (he had a car just like his old car, but antigrav). The most interesting character moment was when he started arguing with an AI, because he knew it wasn't a real person but couldn't stop himself picking holes in its replies.

"Roll up, roll up, and see the monster show..."

Hot take. #DoctorWho

He never misses.

I go away for a couple of weeks; when I come back, Doctor Who's been cancelled, Strictly's dead, nobody likes football, and everything's on fire. I mean, I'm not saying it wouldn't have happened if I'd been here, BUT.

The 1934 World Cup was held in Mussolini's Italy at a venue literally called the Stadium of the National Fascist Party, and it wasn't this much of a shitshow. www.bbc.co.uk/sport/footba... I expect I'll be saying this again in two years' time, only referencing the 1936 Olympics.

He was like this in 1997. He was like this in 2001. He was like this in 2005. He's the human filth who shifted British politics so far to the right that the far-right became normalised, and whenever any fucking neoliberal my age tries to tell you "yes, but...", just punch them in the fucking face.

[Holding the edges of my waistcoat, as if addressing the academy.] Gentlemen... ladies... there is no instruction so universally ignored as "do not reheat".

People are always going "ooh, did you know Cleopatra lived closer to the present than to the building of the pyramids?" or "OMG the last guillotining in France was in the same year as Star Wars". But "The Jerry Springer Show" ran for longer than original "Doctor Who", and that feels even more wrong.

I've never really done social media properly. I've been on Tw*tt*r / BlueSky for... ooh... 15 years? It's mainly been puns, references, and occasionally series of puns and references. I sort of feel it should've been more personal, but I hate talking about myself *except* for puns, references, and -

Ahhh, Christ, *now* what...? ...oh. Oh! Well. As you were.

[Talking to pest control.] There's literally that many of them, yeah. Sorry? No, it was a mistake, I was just trying something I read online. I thought it said "infinite money glitch", and... yeah, I *do* have the complete works of Shakespeare now, but honestly that doesn't make up for all the mess.

The Riding-Hoods pulled a lot of strings to hush it up, but nobody ate grandma. A talking wolf wearing a woman's clothes? Nah, the old lady had a touch of the 'thrope and tried to vore her own grandkid on full moon. That huntsman did the family a real favour, if you know what I mean.

Tonight, boxer Floyd Mayweather is being squeezed to see what he produces. #dreamtweet

The Guardian has published its list of the 100 best novels of all time. How many have *you* secretly cracked one out to? (Double points if you used your left hand for "The Left Hand of Darkness".) www.theguardian.com/books/ng-int...

Turns out that nearly two years before the Lego Lego delivery van, there was a Lego Lego delivery *truck*. And one of the Lego Lego sets in the Lego Lego delivery truck was a Lego Lego Lego delivery truck. So, we've been trapped inside this since 2024. I'm sorry if I gave you false hope. #Legopolis

Rare photo of David Attenborough's presenter interview for BBC television, 1952. "He brought an infectious enthusiasm, and also fed me small pieces of melon," remembered Director of Programming Porlock Chewsbrooke (foreground right).

How Bamber Gascoigne had his dreams crushed by brutal pragmatism.

In 1983, ten-and-a-half-year-old me wakes up scared and confused without knowing why.

I started reading "2000 AD" with #301 (late January 1983), and since I've recently excavated the back issues from my spare room, I've been re-reading one... echhh... "prog" per day. Wondering if it's too late to cut out the little form and tell Tharg which stories I liked best. #2000AD #301

I like to think that as Wu Yiza keeps coming back to the Crucible, he'll start to pick up English but in a Sheffield accent. I'm hoping for an occasional "nah then" next year and the full Sean Bean by 2032.

Actually, this is a better fit for "Magic: The Gathering" than any of the crossovers they've done in the last two years. #Plumbert

The curse of King Mictus: everything he touches turns to piss.

"Oh hi u guys are back early." "Universe isn't flat." "What?" [Grabbing an electric iron and getting back on the rocket-ship.] "Universe isn't flat."

"AI" (that's a-i) being everywhere means you can't see "Al" (that's A-L) without it looking extra-sus. AI Capone, bot gangster. AI Qaeda, bot Islamic extremism. Weird AI Jankovic.. actually, a bot could manage that level of parody. AI Jolson, ironically less racist than the people who control bots.

Soooo, Trump was defeated by an Iranian in the snooker, if you're interested in augury.

When you have to consult your pre-written notes while talking about the shocking thing that just happened.

Trying to spread the idea that the plural of Spider-Man isn't Spider-Men or Spider-Mans, but Spiders-Man, a la "Attorneys-General" or "Sergeants-Major". Which gives much-deserved prominence to the Spider part of his genetic makeup, indicating that the "Man" part is a rank he's achieved as a Spider.

The biblical Antichrist unites the world and is worshipped by all humanity except the faithful. Trump unites the world against him and is detested by all humanity except the faithful, which means he's more like the Anti-Antichrist. That's why he thinks he's Jesus, the double-negative confuses him.

YouTube recommended a video about transphobia on the Zeus Network (no, me neither), but the headline was ZEUS HATES TRANS PEOPLE. That explains what Hera did to Tiresias, she was just trying to piss off her husband. Yeah, yeah, I know. You've got to look something up, you'll be right back.