you got a real nice state here..... it'd be a shame if anything were to happen to it....

New awareness campaign

if pep boys said that now the pep boys could call you up and talk sexy to you you wouldn't think that pep boys was doing really well, as a company

Hoff's Horrorfest is TONIGHT! Live comedy and THE INVISIBLE MAN (1933) at @caveatnyc.bsky.social! 🫥🕶️ Produced by me, @coolandnice.bsky.social, @timbarnes.bsky.social, @iangoldstein.bsky.social and Mary Bess Pritchett! www.caveat.nyc/events/hoffs...

(enthusiastically lapping up toothpaste off a shit-covered floor) you can’t put it back in the tube, brother!

Last week Jesse Watters spoke to man named Eric who claimed he was formerly a member of antifa. Two years ago Watters interviewed Ramon "Mundo" Mendoza, a former Mexican Mafia member. Some folks thought the men looked similar. This is a side by side comparison. 🤷‍♀️

On National Poetry Day, the greatest poem I have ever read

Agreed with the Cooler Heads here. This act of political violence may one day soon serve as pretext to justify federal occupation of progressive cities or even unaccountable militias imprisoning people of color without due process at impenetrable, inhumane black sites. Well, I sure hope not!

On 10/13 my comedy show/horror movie screening series Hoff’s Horrorfest will show THE INVISIBLE MAN (1933) at @caveatnyc.bsky.social! 🫥🕶️ Get your tix now: www.caveat.nyc/events/hoffs... Produced by me, @coolandnice.bsky.social, @timbarnes.bsky.social, @iangoldstein.bsky.social & Mary Bess Pritchett!

My short film "It's a Living" is now available to watch on YouTube! Check it out, I think you'll like it! Featuring @timbarnes.bsky.social, @coolandnice.bsky.social and Mary Bess Pritchett. www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rjd1...

Nothing tastes as good as pissing on a splash hog feels

Here's another angle from Fox News reporter Bill Melugin of Sen. Alex Padilla getting roughed up by law enforcement after he tries to question Kristi Noem at her presser: “I’m Senator Alex Padilla. I have questions for the secretary. Because the fact of the matter is, a half dozen... Hands off!”

wow this is like finding out the mythbusters didn't really like each other 😭

Feds in masks tear gassing Minneapolis residents in 270 AQI, in the rain, while trying to disappear people. 2025.

that's me in the corner, that's me in the spotlight, practicing my religion: sitting in corners!

we live inside a got dang dream

JFK wrinkling his nose as he fucks Marilyn Monroe. With every slam of his fat catholic hog she queefs out a burst of thick hot subway air, air that’s been up there since the skirt photo. Room smells like a bad summer in New York. He signals “shoot me in car tomorrow” rather than do this again

Today, Trump with Bukele, Oval Office: They love you. They love what you do. I want'em to do yeah home grown criminals next. [Louder] I said home growns are next. The home growns. You gotta build about 5 more places. [laughter] It's not big enough. link: x.com/nayibbukele/...

(watching a guy eat himself to death) wow he's tough!

(pointing out a yellow taxi to my son) people used to have confessions in those

Yum yum yum boo boo boo bsky.app/profile/acyn...

I’m not necessarily saying humans are too dumb to be worthy of our spot at the top of the food chain but I will say that if there were 100 gorillas and one gorilla took 55% of all the bananas the other gorillas would beat that gorilla to death with their bare hands.

Bill Burr has a unique gift of puncturing trite nonsense in as few words as possible:

here's a feel good story for you

Luigi Mangione Judge Married to Former Healthcare Executive

Corporate media, a play in 3 acts

oh wow, i found a leaked clip of jeremy allen white as jabba's son, this looks like it's going to be prettttty deep for a star wars property! and funny too!!

we're just innocent men

I dunno why more lullabies don't try to soothe with menace like rock a bye baby. We need some new ones "sleep little baby, a plane is going to crash into the nursery" etc

(feeling lonely for a moment) damn, you know what really chaps my ass is the veritable epidemic of how all men are really lonely, now

Finally getting into fugazi in my middle age. Dismissed them a bit when I was younger as being too po faced or something, now I think they're so fun. Does that prove younger me correct somehow? Just sitting here watching Instrument with my baby and banging my head

A table, no, maybe a desk... It's so fucking small .. we can have concerts at it

i’m receiving intelligence that there is a hamas headquarters underneath MOHELA student loan services in st. louis

(werner herzog voice) i find myself suddenly repelled and disgusted by my beloved dog's obsequiousness

what happens in vegas? stays in vegas!

fellas, is it gay to be alive?

do you guys know if strays is rated r or not

that shot of einstein with mournful eyes in the oppenheimer trailer is so funny

That's right--I'm doing show promo on Bluesky!!! This Sunday Hoff's Public Domain Horrorfest presents Messiah of Evil! ✝️😈 Live comedy and a horror movie, 7/16 at 9pm ET on YouTube! @coolandnice.bsky.social

every time that dude has a panic attack on the bear i'm bussin up, when he's grieving his dead brother i'm L-ing M whole AO

this is the first one of these i'm tempted by, kowloon walled city on the sea, the boat needs to be a foggy dystopia by day 3

oh, your epigenetic age is 37? what's that in dog years bitch