Jacking off rn and only letting my true fans know

New York… da city of thieves…

Every dog has its gay

Testing my dad at 1 am about where to get good lamb

I bet the lamb of god is tasty as hell

New move I’ve been pulling is making cocktails in a workout shaker cup it’s so broken

New move I’ve been pulling is making cocktails in a workout shaker cup it’s so broken

I’m really feeling tised up rn cause I’m in by far the smallest bathroom stall I’ve ever been in rn and I feel soooooooo safe

Look at this piece of shit. I’d name him Humphrey and only feed him pepperoni

I swear that my obsession with dog death as a bit is purely an extension of the fascistic reality of our own world. “The state” as a globally balkanized concept universally decided that dogs are an appropriate tool of violence. I might as well be laughing at a cops gun jamming.

Randomly thinking about the Matt reeves Batman joker deleted scene. Nothing but headcannon but I really like the idea of the joker being a slightly-above-nobody that Batman fucked up into mega psychosis. Like he knocked him into the acid bath. Isn’t that the Spielberg origin?

Thinking about making a vid where I go to the rnc and take a bunch of laxatives and see how long it takes for them to kick me out. There HAS to be a “pants shitting” protocol in place no way they kick you out after just once.

Look I hate to admit how much I’m enjoying one piece but watching the unedited anime is horrendous this shows only good 6 minutes at a time

I walked about 12 miles per day this weekend playing the mh now event and earned enough resources for exactly 1 diablos item. I like it a lot more then Pokémon go. At least the Skinner box here is paid more in calories then money. Whoever decided the drop rates should be sent to The Hague.

Monster hunter now is a truly authentic monster hunter game cause I want to engage in a holy war with whoever designed the loot tables

Divine willing myself into some pussy

I’m buy proxy commander decks and this shits too cheap I’m about to buy 100 black lotus’s and pass them out to strangers on the street

When’s niantic gonna collab with grindr

HUGE PROGRESS BEING MADE WITH GONE DOG! NOW ITS SHAGGY AND SCOOB!

I wanna be the most successful white hotep

Making a cup of decaf cause god gifted me the ability to have an apple fritter and coffee at 11pm without being up all night

I’m wearing a ski mask and cooking curry while drinking a red bull vodka in a shaker cup does anyone know if I can be charged for scaring the 80 year old man I love with so bad he des

I had a dream mr beast was hosting a “break into a government facility” challenge and Chris Kyle shot me with a ray gun

Got temp banned on twitter for a week so I’ll be grinding this site and working on a parody of gone girl called “gone dog”

What if Elliot smith made a club banger

Can u bhop in real life?

Haiiiiii :3

If my wife ever went missing you can bet your ass I’d be sad about it

Anytime someone’s asked me to bark for them I hit them with the nastiest mixup I’m not a like a corgi or a normal “bark bark” dog I’m a fuckin basset hound I keep it long and sustained ur neighbors will ask you to kill me

Desperately grappling between being ever so slightly more genuine here or just full send it on the weird shit. What do yall want from me, genuine reflections on my grandpa who carried a laminated paper with average sat scores of different races? Or should I become Dr Keborkian, dog murder enthusiast

So what plays here? Hole posting? Stochastic terrorism towards close personal friends? I could pull out like a 3 day long bit where I try to do erotic roleplay as baby billy from righteous gemstones. What are the rules and which can i break?

Wish I could make my balls look like a gaming pc… sigh…

Jimmy “Buffet” had it coming