forlorn leghorn
@milfhusband.bsky.social
π€ 32
π₯ 191
π 504
ham bone
honestly i love the campy drama of the doomsday clock. wish i came up with it
1 day ago
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why is everyone so mad about that new Dark Souls movie
1 day ago
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important appointment early tomorrow morning. so, of course, i just ate some food that i definitely know has given me diarrhea previously
2 days ago
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you should be allowed to pull a sick day at work if you forgot to take your metamucil the day before
3 days ago
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i didn't smoke any cigarettes all day which means now i'm allowed to smoke 200 consecutive cigarettes
3 days ago
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environmental storytelling in the office attic
7 days ago
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very curious about the person on their phone who ran by my apartment and the only thing i heard them frantically say was "okay well, get out the holy water! i'll be there soon!"
9 days ago
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do not order 15 wings followed by a rancid boozy-eggnog even if it's a good bit
10 days ago
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my new slot machine, Frog of Fortune, has been banned for "inventing and appropriating chinese culture" and also for being rigged
12 days ago
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they will discover that the baby that got left at The Pitt has rapidly-aging disease and by the end of the season he will be an adult and interning at The Pitt
13 days ago
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ironing blankets at work with my left hand in my pocket like i'm an olympic marksman
14 days ago
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theoretically, if a buzzball, perhaps "cookie nookie" flavored, is almost full and you bump it, it will roll over and spill *everywhere*. this may happen to someone, theoretically
16 days ago
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free energy drink delivered to the office by, what i believe is called, "The Bang Bus"
16 days ago
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me (after learning that vagueposting is the way to get the algorithm to boost your posts): the
16 days ago
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i had to send a video tour of our office and workspaces to the CEO who is working from home and needed it for some reason. she said no commentary needed, but in retrospect i definitely should have been humming/mumbling cool superhero music to myself the whole vid
19 days ago
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i brought them back
add a skeleton here at some point
21 days ago
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spending years developing and adopting an outlandish gilbert-gottfried-style character voice. but not to go into showbiz or anything. i'll just keep working a regular job
21 days ago
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how i feel as a big-headed mf whenever i put the hoodie up on a standard hoodie
21 days ago
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i quickly scrolled past a fast-food chicken tenders ad and scrolled back up to look at them for a second
22 days ago
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(giving my cat a treat with 0 nutritional value) lmao she think she ate
22 days ago
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me walking down the uncomfortably sloped movie theater aisle after taking my 3rd piss break
22 days ago
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i am doing my laundry at my workplace on the weekend in a totally financially stable kind of way actually
24 days ago
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adding a basement to my studio apartment. i need as many hands as i can get. digging begins today at 3pm.
24 days ago
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30 Rock might be the network sitcom with the most dolly zooms
24 days ago
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take a moment every day to appreciate that Jackass happened. how could something so perfect happen?
25 days ago
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that's right.
26 days ago
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gonna get production started on my 2025 period-piece while the year is still fresh in my mind
27 days ago
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i have a perfect song picked for NYE karaoke and if someone else chooses it i will k*ll myself
28 days ago
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so when's sesame street gonna drop the Marty Mouser skit?
about 1 month ago
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take me back to simpler times. the years where nothing bad or unexpected would happen ππ»β¨β¨
about 1 month ago
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whenever a show does the parody where a character yell out the window and says "you there, what day is it" and an extremely cockney kid answers "why it's christmas day, sir!", it pretty much makes me laugh every time
about 1 month ago
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i get 2 paid weeks off of work. it's so over for all you, i'm gonna do so much. i'm gonna... well, i'll finally get to... uhhh.... finally time for... hmmm.... TWO WEEKS OFF BABY
about 1 month ago
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the greatest side character in the world is any of Liz's boyfriends/dates in 30 Rock
about 1 month ago
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currently trying to decide between It's a Wonderful Life (1946) and Bad Santa (2003)
about 1 month ago
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in 2025 you can just straight up buy your Grinch Salts from mcdonald's
about 1 month ago
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high schooler nicknamed Stoned Mason
about 1 month ago
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is there a nursing home for 32 year olds i can go live at?
about 1 month ago
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i am extremely good at figuring out slang from context clues. for instance, it only took me a few seconds to figure out that BBL is shorthand for "bible". people really love christian women these days it seems...
about 1 month ago
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the william banks saga is gonna end with him dying from one punch in the ring. he is gonna give his life for the bit
about 1 month ago
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thriving ratropolis
about 1 month ago
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can anyone send me seven thousand dollars so i can constantly run the dryer at my apartment for the rats that live near the dryer vent? just until the end of winter. thanks
about 1 month ago
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beginning to suspect my coworkers are trying to bale me. "i saw a dollar in the back of the baler", they say. "no not there, way in there at the bottom", they say. "i only have my hand over the button to make sure no one pushes it while you are in there", they say.
about 1 month ago
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movie trivia: rian johnson wrote "benoit blanc saying 'scooby dooby doo'" on a piece of paper, took a 5 month hiatus, then finished writing the rest of the movie
about 1 month ago
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thank you, for comparing me to the dedicated men and women working tirelessly, day and night, rain or shine, at the dick sucking factory
about 2 months ago
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felt no passion emanating from my eye doctor, man. could tell he had no passion for eyes
about 2 months ago
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me refusing to buy anything but vintage rain jackets that have lost all waterproofing
about 2 months ago
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scientists discover internet on mars: "it's slow but it's there"
about 2 months ago
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swallowing my edible like a pill then chugging 2 glasses of water
about 2 months ago
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meal prep: december on lock πͺπΌπ€
about 2 months ago
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so is heathcliff not gonna release a comic where he is walking around with a net labeled "ham"?
about 2 months ago
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