The Put on a Turtleneck While Smoking a Cigarette Challenge

Two and a Half Men was a poor rip off of aqua teen hunger force

so far, i am excited about the idea of becoming a jeweler who hates wearing jewelry. it is almost exactly the same situation as beethoven being a deaf guy

started my new apprentice job. they make you wear a big dunce cap that says "apprentice" on it until you get promoted. can't complain tho. it's not too different from the regular dunce cap my old job made me wear when i was bad (most days)

i picked this up and gained +10 HP

secured a cool new job as a jeweler apprentice

Mel Gibson says ‘THE RESURRECTION OF THE CHRIST’ movie was inspired by ‘JOKER’. “The way that explored the Joker’s psychology while it was telling a story. We’ve got the story that’s in the appendices but we’ll tell it from an internal Jesus perspective.”

Inglorious Basterds (2009)

unlocking my full back and immediately becoming 6'0, experiencing a moment true euphoria before peacefully passing away from the internal damage this caused

a penny saved is a product yearned. - forlorn leghorn

kind of wish my physical therapist would just wallop my back with a giant cartoon hammer while i yell like mel blanc. but learning exercises is good too, i guess

the bathrooms with "in use" and "vacant" markers for the lock should instead have 4 positions "vacant", "shitting", "pissing" and "miscellaneous"

I'm trapped in The Frontrooms. everything is normal here. it's freaking me out

sometimes i start running around the office and warehouse like sonic the hedgehog and it takes 4-5 coworkers to subdue me. overall a fun time for everyone. great for morale

filming a movie now and sitting on it for 20 years so i can release it as a 2026 period piece

vibewise Skinamarink is the one true liminal space horror movie

the new Fast and the Furious stuff should go no-rules mode and include things like time travel. I want to see Vin Diesel & Co. trapped in the 15th century drifting horses

*watching some performers perform at a performance* this feels really performative ngl

i bought more expensive ant traps than the cheap ones that worked last year and these guys aren't going anywhere near them. dealing with low-class ants here

a The Odyssey adaptation just means going on a trip and meeting some wacky characters. think Bubble Boy, Joe Dirt, Harold and Kumar, etc.

made a typo of "apologize" instead of "apologies" and almost emailed someone "Apologize for the inconvenience." which is very powerful email prose and now i want to start using it

flipped too far into the cheesecake factory menu and found The Communist Chicken Pesto?

*talking to myself in the mirror* you can do this. there's no failing this time. you feel SLEEPY. ride the wave. ride that sleepy wave and GO TO BED EARLY

my favorite artist is Moe B.

learned at PT that posture improves if you activate your core and frontneck while sitting. my review so far: this is no way to live

measuring out my metamucil when only the 1/8 tsp spoon is clean

the actors attempting and failing to perform basic tasks in the most insane way in old infomercials was an earlier form of engagement bait

city inspection today, my landlord's gonna get written up for this

help yourself to the treat bowl

taking a phone screen for a new job in the office bathroom. playing fart noises on a JBL speaker so my coworkers are none the wiser

ticketmaster presale waiting screen should be like the fortnite pre-game lobby. you should be able to dance with and/or shoot at the other buyers

naming my new band "they got one of those weird and purposefully confusing band names. whatever i say after the next time i say 'now' will be their name so pay attention. okay, ready? now:"

i hate adventurers, man. like they don't even care about my vast dialog tree

can't watch movies because i don't feel relaxed. and i don't feel relaxed because i am not watching any movies

hope no one misunderstands my list

i have no problem sending my friends the red heart emoji. because i am in love with them all romantically

just bought that same geese industry-plant package i've been hearing about. seems like a sweet deal. forgot to write music though

feasting on food Temu is desperately trying to offload

sorry i haven't been saying "hambone" as much. not too much to be hambone about lately, it seems

i don't care how much astronaut training i get, i'd be screaming at the top of my lungs for all of re-entry

going to capitalize on The Pitt's success with my own ER show. mine will be called The Overfunded, Overstaffed, We're All Caught Up Head Home Early Hospital (3 episodes)

i will send you the rest of my housesitting instructions later, but firstly: important mail goes on top of my cat's container of 𝑮𝒓𝒆𝒆𝒏𝒊𝒆𝒔. if you need to give my cat some 𝑮𝒓𝒆𝒆𝒏𝒊𝒆𝒔, carefully remove the stack of mail and put it back after

it is customary to give your pharmacist one of your adderalls as a tip

coworkers remain at the forefront of the "putting way to much fucking coffee grounds in the coffee maker" science

my days in a studio apartment are a constant cycle of stacking things up and accidentally knocking them down. in a way, preschool has best prepared me for my life

btw they're faking the moon landing again, this time with director taika waititi

look at that. i am risen again. this shit ain't too hard

there's a skeleton in my studio apartment

i am risen too