Gidget introduced Middle Child thusly: "This is momther. Her momther is Nona. Nona didn't come tonight because she has had ENOUGH of kids until Monday." Way to throw me under a bus. Also, fair.

I could have had The Old Bear betting on this weather dealio by now. He is the man who sat with a friend drinking tequila shots and making bets on what my bozo the clown doll would say next.

Oh weather dealio. "Precip coming" Dude. Way to straddle that fence. I'm highly invested in this thing now. OOOH it's about to change again.

Flashback to my highschool friend telling us about the time she got the bright idea to grab angel hair off of her family's xmas tree and rub that shit all over her body.

I really dig that my birds are just big ol' fans of Eartha Kitt.

Still cackling at the "plate" of food that Big Foot brought down to me. First of all, if you say things like there are "2 chefs" here it should be tasty. Second, what is up with the toddler portion of turkey and the sad, dry disc of ham. Anyway, I was happy to get to see her even though it was only

Oh weather dealie, you poor baby. "Snow days ahead" Yep, that about covers that.

Tonight was Gidget's first basketball game. Middle Child said she will send me some pics later but the highlight of the game was Gidget loudly shouting "SEE ME SHOOTED MY SHOT, MOMTHER?"

I am here in my office, keeping my angry fingers busy with my back to that tree bc my first thought was WHERE ARE MY SCISSORS and that is not the way. That is not the way at all.

I worry about weather dealie bc he is having some sort of crisis right now. It says "rain to stop" followed immediately by "snow to stop" and then "rain and snow starting soon" and then back to "2 in of snow on Tuesday" FTR it has not rained/snowed a single drop this entire day.

This moment's Wrath would like to borrow a time machine to go back to kick past Wrath's lazy ass for the chaos that is currently "the tree". Ooooh buddy.

Gidget made the traditional hand/turkey card for me however she had to free hand the hand because "My hand couldn't be on the paper all at the same time." Never change, Gidge.

I know that the ad was for underwear but you could not get a name brand, color, style or any other information out of me bc I was fixated on whatever was going on with that person's belly button.

Speaking of quotes. Sometimes, but only rarely, I stump Teacher J and man, he was working 1 real hard (he will not google if he can avoid it) and his tiny wife says "let's watch this movie" and he loves her so they did and THERE IT FUCKING WAS and he ruined their romantic movie night by jumping up

Every now and then when shit gets really wild I can hear a movie quote in my head and a serene smile fixes itself on my face and everyone should be a bit concerned.

I love when I arrive at the whole I want to eat but I want nothing that is available to me part of the day. Not a single thing sounds good and yet, there is tum shouting FILL ME WITH SOMETHING WOMAN. DO IT NOW.

I should be embarrassed that The Good Lovelies version of God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman makes me shimmy in a mostly non traditional way. Should be. Not.

I'm just going to call it right now- every snow day we have will come on a Tuesday until I become so chlorine deficient that I freak out. Honestly. If you told me I could have unlimited swim time but only oatmeal for the rest of my life I would sign that contract with my own fucking blood.

Fully endorse their antics but also I am going to have a bit of a cringe when emo kid and feral boy race out to get in that bouncy castle at some point.

The sex castle is now being rolled up and shoved into a box but the process is slow because she keeps humping him from behind and then scampering away. Love that you are feeling it, Leia but man I'm going to have to put the snowman curtains up faster than I had planned at this rate. ;)

My neighbors set up a bouncy castle. then the horny dogs got into this bouncy castle to run it through its paces and lord dog, I am hoping that the sensitive emo boy and the feral one are gone for the day so that these maniacs can hose that thing back out.

Scrolling along trying to find a reasonably priced weighted blanket for The Twerp when I had to do the world's first octuple take bc this comforter is 8 large. I literally choked on a gasp.

Caveboy has a variety of toys that he carries in a plastic bag, transferring the chosen ones to a bin for the school day. Most of these are ducks. The funniest bit of this? I have a whole lot of the same ducks in my own home. Every day I discover that he and I are alarmingly similar.

I enlisted Teacher J to deliver Secret Santa gifts but also he is going to have to write the little tags because if you ever got a glimpse of my writing you could spot it from space.

Sure, sure, but who among you has never used a holiday themed gift bag as a purse?

One day someone will find this account and use it to convince a jury of my peers that I am just wayyyyy out there.

During one of my bursts of intermittent cleaning/decorating yesterday I caught a whiff of Avon's bayberry room spray from a million years ago and said "MOM?" out loud before I could stop myself.

My weather dealie is getting increasingly alarmed about Tuesday. Current: "2 in. of snow Tue" Let's see what happens.

My kids do not get subtle hints in any regard so you have to pull them up close and spell shit out. ie, me telling my son that I bought my present from him and that he should buy himself a present from me. Explained that to Middle Child and then started to tell her that perhaps we should do the same

I fully believe that if Death ever does come for me again that the song playing will be Johnny Mercer Orchestra's version of Frosty the Snowman and I may just go ahead and let the big D win that time out of sheer terror.

Caveboy has some words that he says that kills us including: cheeseburber findago (I'm going to let you guess what this is) Bu-on (Sure, guess this one too) Penninet: Peppermint. gimberbed MA-AN. (I nearly peed my pants the first time he said this to me. The inflection is the same EVERY TIME)

The word is "Chattanooga". Please tell me how you pronounce it in your own special way. Go!

I'm sorry but if you have literally told people that you can't stand someone but then post that you are "out here at 4 am" to get some shit thing for them then get in touch with yourself.

Arrival of my desire for tgiving dinner: 5pm Arrival of actual food: 10 pm. Not going to lie, I may have tossed my fork to the floor to shovel food like a barbarian. I hate when tum takes control of the whole system like that.

NGL, I'm kind of wishing I would have had that 4 pm turkey burger that I put off bc "food will be coming soon" DUDE. This is NOT soon. On the other hand, I also could not be bothered to go to the places where food was served so I will just shut the fuck up and wait.

One of the things that will never not crack me up is B cheerfully saying that she unraveled the wedding dress she had made to crochet xmas gifts for H and S.

Big Foot: I have to work so if you go Black Friday shopping in the morning... Me: Going to have to stop you right there, kid.

Weather dealie on my computer "Cold Weather" . Welp. That's why you get paid the big bucks, rightio? Cold Weather. What a fucking concept. Sit down, captain obvious.

You can SO wear battery operated lights as a necklace. There are no rules. You can also wear a gold shiny tree skirt as a people skirt because again, no rules. We are just going full force into the chaos this year.

Thinking of setting up a jar with various categories so that I can pick my holiday atrocity each day for school bc I will be fucked like a small poodle if I EVER get called "boring" ever again.

I might have found seafoam/honeycomb locally unless I have been misled just bc the universe likes to see me have a temper tantrum.

I put the holiday themed rug in the bathroom and that land hippo keeps going in there to scrunch it up. AND she will not leave the holiday doggy blanket on her bed. She also hates joy.

Big Foot: If you want to get me something else for Xmas, you could get me that bra from Victoria's Secret. Me: First of all... Holy shit. I do NOT have the strength to unpack this nonsense right now.

If you ever wondered what kind of maniac tapes a battery operated tree to their back car window...

So a maniac made an end run around blocks to try that standby super lame proposal once again so, I being the lovely soul that I am, wished him a happy tgiving with his friends and family. He made a rude comment so I said "I hope you choke on a dry ass fucking piece of turkey you gobble fucker"

"As god is my witness, I thought that turkeys could fly"

Big Foot's reaction to my bathroom which is 98% gingerbread folk right now: Mom? Is this a cry for help? Why does she hate joy?

Continuing on my unbroken streak of being super awkward in public, a man walked up to me and said "I want to thank you for not being on your phone" and my first response was to glare and say NO and then back away.

I did not look at my leg- CB kicked me pretty good. He also managed to get a pretty good shot to my face. He got blocked with a prior shot and that pissed him off even more. He was just erratic all day. Even he didn't know what was going to happen next.

FTR I have pulled all of my "regular" dresses from the closet and filled it with holiday nonsense.