Fun is facing a property tax bill that you cannot pay while also getting hit with a super high gas bill that you also cannot pay in the same fucking month. Yes. That's fun. Whee.

Tum is currently growling and pretending to be hungry but I don't trust that guy a single bit. I think he just wants something to violently hurl back at me. HAVE A POPSICLE YOU DOLT. At least it won't be as awful coming back as other things.

Also, here's a fun thing. It is raining= the non-stop, soak you to the skin in seconds kind of rain that plans to last a while. Computer dealie is shouting about heavier rain soon and/or 1 inch of rain tomorrow and also, there is a flood watch. Whee! Weather!

Watch enough medical shows and every ache and pain is APPENDICITIS. However, considering I am not 100% sure I still have one, I don't feel that bad just yet and also, the medical show I am watching should make me think sex will cure it all,I am going to go with "it is a tummy ache, stop bitchin'"

I have been fighting a vomit since yesterday so I called off today. My stomach HURTS and it rolls over like an overeager puppy but I can't throw up. If I thought it would help I would put my hand down my throat and just give tum a squeeze but I don't it would change things.

For 2 days I could not get to anything in my kitchen and my hallway looked like I was having a yard sale. Oh and during the epic struggle I she hulked the side of a cabinet entirely off trying to move it a few inches. Just literally ripped the whole side off. Good times.

Last Saturday, MC and I picked up the new washer (NW). The 2 of us carried it into my front room where it sat until Thursday. She arrived and when I tell you that all hell broke loose from there... My bathroom is weirdly angled and all of the doors of my home are very narrow. My front door is a

It is a good thing that I actually like doing laundry bc I did an ungodly amount of it in the time since I installed new washer. OH DID I NOT TELL YOU THE EPIC TALE OF WRATH AND MIDDLE CHILD DESTROY A HOUSE, A FOOT AND A YARD? Get a drink, it's lengthy.

I literally will run out the door and scream in the gym for exactly 7 minutes if a single little boy walks up to me while tugging wee willy winkie like he's trying to cheat a vending machine and saying shit like "help please" SIR. YOU PUT THAT AWAY AND WE WILL SPEAK ON WHAT HELP YOU NEED. Holy shit

Worthless Shit, on her THIRD administrative leave of this particular school year has decided to ask for a full hearing but what she does not know just yet is that another of her "allies" has turned on her and produced text messages that are not only damning but alarming just in general. And when I

The other class had not 1, not 2 but 3 kiddos make a break for the front door, most if not all of them are sick or bobsledding right for it, AND they are all still up in the air about whether their teacher is coming back this year if at all.

Both The Twerp and I fell hopelessly in love with a tricked out nightstand at the furniture store while picking up my washer and you guys, I tried to warn her against saying shit about it at that moment but she went full face ahead AND then threw an epic 14 year old tantrum. My dude. It was fab but

It was at that moment that Bradio came roaring in with the flying purple people eater song.

One of these supplements has me holding on to life with both hands and praying for a third.

Yes! Yet again your girl has scandalized the general public and got dress coded on Friday. WHEEEEEEE!!!!!! It was bullshit. Everyone knew it was bullshit but Old Principal is still trying to swing her dick around.

Wait. Assholes chastised people for making fun of (rhymes with barley jerk) but they want to make a movie mocking the millions of deaths during the pandemic? What the bleeding fuck.

I have a sick fascination with the fuckery of AI but I kid you not, I have NEVER laughed so hard at this bullshit as I did over a recipe post for "penit bumbderr blls" THE FUCK? Oh. PEANUT. PEANUT BUTTER BALLS you unwieldly collection of dumbfuckendness. Holy shit. Also, would ya look at the size of

A fun game I played in the gym is get on that fucking bike and pedal until the next song by The Pretty Reckless comes on. You would think, and I could be crazy here, but a Pandora station literally called by that same name would make this a breeze. Nope. Die bitch. You die pedalin'.

Anyone who knows me knows that nothing can be simple. It just cannot be. Me, explaining why there is a washing machine in my front room at this moment.

Going to need my weather dealie to just drop all the way dead bc it is not only shouting about snow tomorrow and monday but also 1 inch of rain on thursday and holy shit, it seems early in the years to whip out ye olde flood days already.

My wifey and I went fully feral on Friday and we are probably not going to re-domesticate any time soon as we work on raising our equally feral work child.

My best and most favorite proposal ever came from Teacher H (my wifey) who after I said something wildly out of pocket and pretty vicious said "I love you, I think you're my soul mate will you marry me?" and then punctuated that with a burp. Fuck yes, that burp alone is better than a diamond ring.

Currently deciding if I should try to find something to eat or just wait it out because sometimes being a passenger in a car makes me feel just a little like death.

Still can't get over LemonFace acting a fool at a Mexican restaurant at a field trip for the kids. She said "I don't know if this is the right atmosphere for our kids" BITCH. This restaurant's owner and in fact, the entire staff has happily done anything and everything for our students for YEARS

We are supposed to get 5 students moving up next year. Worthless Shit contacted the parents with tips on how to keep their child from moving up and made derisive comments about tEacher B in the process. Those text messages are part of the current investigation which is actually turning into 2 or 3

2 of our students are going back to public school next year. 1 parent is worried bc his kid, who had ZERO school experience before this year is going to falter but my dude. You are not serving him by not allowing him to fall. Those first few days are ABSOLUTELY going to suck raw balls but then he

Here's amusing. The thing I am doing with Caveboy when we are shouting/self injurious in class is making him go to the gym, march to the far, padded wall and we slam our palms and shout several times. It is taking less and less time to get back to calm and then back to work every time. Friday?

Lemon Face went to complain about working with C bc C will NOT broker any bs when it comes to the student they work with. C has worked with her for several years, the family likes and trusts her with this nonverbal, medically fragile girl while LF was so awful with her at summer camp that the family

Today I am supposed to go and pick up my new washing machine. That does not mean I will be having it hooked up just yet so I am kind of wondering how many payments I will have made before I can manage to toss in a load.

There is something going on with your 1 student who has escalated from being disconnected/mildly annoying but can be engaged for short periods to just losing his shit rage stimming the entire day. Nothing soothes him. He is becoming aggressive toward others. His pure 100% sugar diet does not help

Those "tai chi walking" apps have now declared open war on walking walking leading with "walking makes you old. Tai Chi makes you young, we start on Monday" Um...whu?

Sometimes our 1 wee girl will let us know that she has had a poop by reaching into her pants and pulling some out. Why lookie what I have found, dear woman. Perhaps you might grab a moist towelette and help me do a quick tidy up, ya think? BUT, my friends, cleaning and changing her requires not 1

Caveboy heaved and hoed another child off the pirate ship playground toy bc other boy got too close to one of his toys. I caught the little boy and he was just not even the slightest bit phased by the whole thing while CB was escorted back inside by Teacher B. Today was just chaos upon chaos.

Worthless Shit, who has managed to get a para and an instructor's assistant fired, 2 paras banned from her room and several others that said they would quit if placed in there now has another para that went to New Principal with complaints of an ongoing and escalating hostile work environment

Cooking class tends to make Caveboy act up. Today he was good until the end. We have now moved on from cooking and the question was "would you like a snack" and his answer was LET ME LOSE ALL MY SHIT RIGHT FUCKING NOW. Unfortunately for that poor baby I was already on a rage and so he got to

At the end of the day and the end of my rope and the 1 student came sideways, got a real good look at my face and pulled his shit around reallllllly fucking fast.

Wherein Teacher J literally had to ask someone to explain how Joe Biden was DIRECTLY HANDS ON involved in a murder and another of his paras started making a stink bc tomorrow they are going on a field trip to a mexican restaurant and she literally said "I do not trust their food" and when asked to

My computer dealie is saying "rainy days ahead" followed by "1 in. of snow on Sunday" and now I have an anger.

My brain to me: Oooh. Do NOT step there. My legs: JUMP YOU BEAUTIFUL MONSTER!

Teacher B (concerned) How did you do getting in, today? Me (clueless) Huh? TB: I slid on black ice. It was really bad out there. Me: Going to have to be honest here man, I literally considered traffic laws as mere suggestions today.

Going to buy me a chest plate or an umpire's dealie if this tit touching does not stop right NOW. Holy shit.

BC the temp was at a decent place and it was not actively wetting from the sky- we took these maniacs outside wherein we spent the entire time shouting NOT IN THE GRASS (you kids get off my lawn!) and NOT IN THAT PUDDLE. I started to also shout don't lick that but you know what? You lick that shit

I want to thank Caveboy for a day that included every possible reaction/emotion sometimes all at once. Keep me on my toes, boyo.

I have decided that I will do what I can with what I have and figure out the rest as I go. I may have to do without some stuff but I will actually not go without food, thanks.

I love when ppl say "I'm broke" but then do shit like go out and do fun things like buy groceries or pay the water bill. No man. I am bee-roke, broke. Thank dog I like peanut butter.

TFW the favorite daughter of the president of the school board sashays into class (not really. she hops. Hops when she is excited, hops when she is angry) wearing a shirt that spells out something rhyming with buck hump in sign language.

On Thurs. we all went for drinky drinks to celebrate Teacher B's graduation and to also maybe plot her hubby's untimely demise and we went to this little revolving owner hole in the wall and we discovered the beauty of a "cooter juice shot" and holy shit. Anyway, while I was doing that, MC and SO

A moment, please. Martha the pinny gig has died.

The universe is still jerking my chain pretty well bc although my water is now fixed, I am still at a loss of how I will ever pay for my washing machine and holy shit, the laundry monster is starting to gain sentience.

Friday the 13th. The school Valentine's Party. The absolute perfect storm that began with Caveboy being mad bc we would not let him have the spray of fake roses given to us by little A (his beloved) Why did a 10 yr old boy/bird/bear want these? Pretty on the top, stabby on the bottom, duh.