Obviously someone finally told her to stfu and pretend to be fucking sad for a while, but we're all still thinking it, right?

Hey guys, the Saudi Regime has invited me to teach 9th grade ELA to inner-city Riyadhi kids beginning immediately. There are definitely moral concerns obviously but at what they've offered to pay me ($63k+bennies) I'd be crazy to turn it down. I have to think of my family🙏 🫶 ✌️

Erika Kirk 20 days ago:

Pick *N* Roll? In THIS economy??

Super Bowl PSA: please remember to make sure your subtitles are ON, because some MAGA are deaf and they can of course eat shit too

How do I dress for this?

Looking good sir, not like you rubbed dogshit all over your face at all!

I think Tylenol is about to cash in 💲💲💲

Blasting this in white spaces today ✊🏽 🖕🏽 youtu.be/GsHZBisKwxg?...

This is NOT incompetence. NO WAY this was the best they could do. They purposely made it this unbelievable as a means of testing how egregious they can be with their gaslighting, and still have MAGA froth in their defense. Fascism has taken hold, and they are now simply stress testing their limits

So they tried to contact my job for making fun of the Throat Goat Charlie Kirk ™️, but they didn't realize I'm my own boss LMAO But apparently "some of it was admittedly pretty harsh" so I still got fired this is some bullshit 😔

I think I've come up with a compromise we can all agree on

Talk about your debates, talk about your Leviticus 20:13... JONES 20:13 SAYS I JUST MOURNED YOUR ASS! *glass shatters*

Why am I such a tab SLUT?? I'm closing everything on my work comp so I can just start fresh and it's like... Clearly I'll just open any ol' tab at any time, open every doc in a folder who gives a fuck, windows and windows, each with a particular set of tabs, windows with one tab, it's fuckin gross

We actually are day-to-day for real at this point, so you guys wanna just do it again tonight??

This the signal I'm waiting for...

Homer Simpson when he gets to McDonald's at 10:31 AM

Texas teachers- they didn't say WHICH commandments!

You DON'T season, you ALL crackers, you ain't BARREL

*beat drops out* 🎶I once got baptized in a Cracker Barrel parking lot🎶 *Crowd screams* 🎶 I'm saved, see... 🎶

Ballerinas... Doing pirouettes inside of my snow globe

The fish was procured from an orca, no doubt... It's happening!

As part of the deal to be on the presidential fitness squad, HHH was required to increase the ratio of sex pests on the roster

Not now, Russian volcano!

Believe it or not, one of these dragons is actually my dog

Reed shoulda just been like "really Galactus, you're gonna ✌🏽eat the planet✌🏽, are ya? You're roughly twice the size of the SoL, so about ~600 ft tall, ~1500 tons. Earth’s mass is ~6 × 10²⁴ kg, which means that would be like an ant eating the entire continent of Asia LOL you IDIOT 😂

RIP Malcolm-Jamal Warner

Alright now enough is enough

Just found out my personal barber was giving out high top fades at the Kid n Play concert :/

What did chronic veinous insufficiency ever do to deserve this? 😭

If you think about it, it should really be Peppa Paws and Pig Patrol

New dream job just dropped!

Subway taking a real risk again, hitching their wagon to someone we haven't heard from in 30 years... Let's just hope he doesn't turn out like Ared-Jay Ogle-Fay 😬😒

Holy shit, imagine paying $30/mo just to basically ask questions to Elon's Twitter feed 😂😂😭

Somebody send this to my family in Miami 🥴

Oh :(

Rewatching the entire Jurassic Park franchise for the first time as an adult, and I'm realizing the tag line could just as easily have been "Capitalism Finds a Way" because wtf

Watching this OceanGate documentary has me convinced that Elon must live his dream of visiting space in one of his own vessels ASAP!

Marry an undocumented immigrant

Think of it this way guys- if a hurricane hits Texas, and the money to help them instead goes to Elon for another rocket, and then he explodes that rocket and sprinkles debris all over the Texas countryside, then it's kinda like the money went to them anyway 🙏🏽

(punches own hand threateningly) I came here for 4 things, and I'm all out of palm readings, hand jobs, and knuckle sandwiches... (punches own hand threateningly)

But WHY tf did they do this though?? It's not like there was a rights issue or something like that... They just, chose not to go with the already known and hugely popular characters that had already sold millions of toys? Who could have okayed that and why? I was so fuckin pissed and I STILL AM 😠😤

This is an absolute SCANDAL if true!

Following up from a year ago... Was there ever any resolution on this?

Go visit the Titanic and all is forgiven 🙏

So really 616 is *profoundly* different than most other marvel universes... No Norman Osborne, no Reed Richards, etc Is this all He Who Remains' doing? Or is this just normal variance?

What the goddamn fuck, Fliff?

Coworker asked me how I don't be paranoid when I'm high at work and well...

Recession indicator: there are no more plastic bags in the plastic bag, and now that mf is gone too

Okay sheetz doin a little bit too much now... like really, Freaky with a capital F? You think THIS is a freaky ass order? Lemme find an old Adam and Eve receipt, or hell I've had WALGREENS receipts freakier than this, I mean French toast sticks, coffee, donut and lube is freaky now? PLEASE bffr 😂