Hair is givin body ody ody today

So Gwyneth Paltrow is advertising condos in Israel? That was not on my bingo card.

Um, I just got fucking engaged?

I should not be head banging after 30, my neck is going to be sore for days.

Idk what my arm is doing

Imagine being stressed about bachelorette outfits at the Jersey shore… I mean, imagine.

I took the drugs and the drugs are working

Shout out to peas, you can toss them bitches in anything

Productive weekend

It’s so COLD

Why do people love blue jays? They’re assholes and gluttons.

Its Tippy’s couch and we’re all just guests

New drag name: Portia John

So maybe I do have a crush on my site work contractor. A good looking man in a big machine is objectively hot.

My best friend is being wined and dined by a Dutch boy who’s currently driving her through the canals in Amsterdam… and I’m eating a Dunkin wake up wrap. I love that for her.

I’m only halfway through, but the new Kylie documentary is really well done. I fucking love her.

I am such a type b person

Summer loading 🔋

Good morning!

I love a naked man as much as the next gay, but uh, what happened to the content filters recently? Sometimes I’m in public.

Laughing out loud

I’m sorry but after listening to a podcast for years, then finding their instagram account… it’s quite jarring.

My client’s boss called me today to shit talk them. That was reassuring. And also???

Eggs with feta, yes

Haven’t taken PTO since October… so like, maybe that’s why I’m losing it

Zito did some great work today ✂️

I’m so tired of managing incompetent people and companies oh my god

The lillies are on their way

I’m sorry to say I can’t look away from the sexually charged, homebuyer television program, train wreck that is Tropic Like it’s Hot on HBO.

Saw Cole in the off broadway of Oh Mary, absolutely amazing. Saw Maya Rudolph tonight in the Broadway of Oh Mary and omg. Extra points for Cheyenne Jackson. Both Mary’s such a fucking talent and joy to watch.

The good news: the SSRI is working as intended. The bad news: I care even less about work.

Bit stoned

House hunters marathon kinda Sunday.

I got a full body workout trying to install a fence yesterday… and we only got four posts in. Rocks be damned!

I should be sponsored by Subaru

The impulsive thoughts to quit my job…

It’s silly how healing a little walk in the woods can be

I wish I could go back to the 2006 World of Warcraft timeline

I just think he’s the greatest.

I need manure!!! Chop chop ladies let’s go!

Forgot how clinical psychiatrists can be, thank god for my therapist.

My boyfriend made a google calendar invite for me to take out the trash this morning.

Dog sitting the beast

Um….. I’m trying to be nice, but

Looking at old photos of the boyfriend, I can tell he was the bitchy twink of the friend group

Spring clean up… some saved others not forgotten

Second day in a row spotting this bobcat at the house

Cowboy take me away!!!

Imagine. IMAGINE.

And then let’s kiss with our beards