The new front desk clerk at my office building is this cute short 22-ish blonde skateboarder-type guy who now has to wear a suit without the jacket at work. Every time I walk in to the lobby, he deactivates my swipe card so I can’t get in and I have to go talk to the desk guy.

I overheard people talking about me today.

Blonde guys are hot.

What’s your ideal “I’m driving home, I’m in the car alone, no-one will know, I’m suddenly hungry” first-reaction food? KFC? Tacos? Donuts?

Two different types of ploughing about to happen here…

A 24yo guy at gym this morning, in the locker room, asked me if he could lick and suck my sweaty underwear.

Hungry subs need to crawl, beg, earn, obey.

#ComingInHot and hard!

Having a crush is so exhausting 🙈

The security guy at the grocery store stopped me at the self serve register exit and asked me if I was going to go back and pay for the Toblerone in my front pocket. I said no. Then I looked down, then looked up at him and said, “That’s my penis, you can check my pants if you need to”.

@alextron21.bsky.social @ruchomuscleworship.bsky.social

Yeah. That’s definitely the reason he didn’t get the job at Bloomingdale’s: the chin beard thing.

I’m 99.9% sure humanity will survive just fine without Kale.

The following AirBnB enquiry may apply to your image: “Does the rental booking cost include the toys displayed on the coffee table in picture 14?”.

Get ready for a lot of “I don’t recall”, and “Definitely not”, and “It’s just my allergies” (crying, wiping nose); and a little bit of “Monica wasn’t there”.

Yes, yes he is.

Yep, I need to watch more college wrestling.

Raidable blonde boy

The Secret Sausage of Walter Mitty

The DaVinci Sausage

The Girl with the Sausage Tattoo

28 Sausages Later

How to Lose a Sausage in Ten Days

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Sausage

Ace Ventura: Sausage Detective

The Devil Wears Sausage

The Sausage Wears Prada

Is it though?

Guys, well, everyone, looking at me in the gym:

Blonde guys… cute blonde guys: yum.