As the offensive coordinator of Smoke Weed With No Pipe University: Tonight I'mma pull a deep route out of a playbook I haven't used in over a decade. Plastic straw to hollow out two intersecting lines from a banana, ~100° angle. Hollow out a carb on the side. They'll never expect it. Set, hike.

I have one of my guitars again. Tonight I'm gonna turn Evisceration Plague by Cannibal Corpse into a bossanova song and make myself laugh.

Something else proverbially gut-punched me today, but at least I have this.

i should call her

HOO BOY the youngest learned "NOW!" instead of "Please" from an kid at preschool and learned a lesson that Uncle Gurt will not draw you a fourth sidewalk chalk mermaid if you don't say please. My sister is not happy with her lmao

Guess what my youngest niece just got here and I'mma cook a hot dog for that little munchkin.

Hit me with an obscure-ish happy mood song I may have never heard

Says a lot about where my head is: With my first attempts, I'd look at these facilities and say "I can't smoke here? I'M ANGRY." I'll take them there nicotine patches and be cool. Keep me two extra days if needed. Alcohol's a beast that can take a relatively smart, nice person and make them awful.

Scary step #3 taken: my intake evaluation has been scheduled for 1:00 tomorrow. They only do these on Tuesdays and Thursdays or else I'd go this afternoon. I'm doing the thing.

I had like no healthy food options the past two weeks. This morning, for the very first time, I actually enjoyed a glass of V8. Like I've had V8 juice plenty of times and hated it but this one was bomb.

Gratitude journal includes many things about how I'm really set up to succeed in a shitty situation being around my family in a place I already love, but most importantly, I get to play wiffle ball with my nieces today mithafuckaaaaaaaaas.

My pajama pants have a back pocket, which is great to know if I ever decide I want to sleep with my wallet.

i still don't understand how i can devour green olives yet gag on black olives all them purplish olives are fine with me but goddamn pepper-stuffed green olives

Of all the Queens of the Stone Age b-sides and rare studio recordings, this is the one that most makes me ask how the hell it never made it onto an album. It's like the most early 2000's QOTSA song you could ask for! m.youtube.com/watch?v=kISi...

I am an apologist for the album Era Vulgaris, seems most QOTSA fans rank it low, but,,,,,,, How on earth did they not include the title track and "The Fun Machine Took A Shit And Died" on the original release? Those songs rip!!!

I wish I were in Savannah under better circumstances, but god damn do I love this place. I'm smoking a cigarette listening to bugs in a relatively quiet place after being on the road all day. Could be worse.

I did a guy a small favor that somebody once did for me when I was in a shitty situation and he handed me a bunch of weed. *cough* always *cough* pay it forward *cough* folks

for me the answer is absolutely g without blinking my three favorites are always southern united states blood-stoppin' food, central american, carribean if i'm just regionalizing. also peru gets in? then you have the south of spain and half of portugal sneaking in there? a sliver of morocco? gimme

I have said this before but like the opposite of rolling my eyes when I see papyrus in public, I always get a laugh when I can say "ZEPPELIN FONT ON ANOTHER RESTAURANT MENU!!!"

on a bus for four hours before i purify myself in the waters of lake minnetonka (the atlantic ocean) ask me anything

Lighten the mood with a joke I made at one of my bands' practices at age 22 or 23. Our right-handed guitarist was bragging that he was bending the notes on Hendrix's Watchtower exactly like the recording. He used the word "mirroring" the recording. "You just saying that because he was a lefty?"

Also, since I have been very forthcoming about all of my dishonesty through been an alcoholic: If it makes you feel any better, YES I was sober from hospitalization last October into 2025. I was doing well. One day "just a sip because I've been so good!" and good god no you weirdo.

my sister met me at the atlanta bus station to give me two national geographics and a coke thanks, sister

if you see this, quote with the energy you bring to bluesky

I am in Atlanta proper for the first time in far too long and I'll be damned if I didn't get a little misty-eyed looking out the window as I approached. I'm looking at the Tabernacle right this instant and the memories, y'all. *whimpering* ATL, hoe.

Listen up fhqwhgads everybody to the limit alright

the "FUCK TRUMP" sticker on my water bottle has been a hit with people walking up and down the aisle

I can think of worse things than following up losing my jobs and the coolest lady I know than detoxing and trying to find a hospitality job in a beach town where I can see my nieces any day I want. Positives. I used to be very bad at looking for them.

oh jesus christ so i do not currently have weed on me and this guy on the bus just opened his bag and it now reeks of weed in here of the two of us, i look way more likely to be the stoner (i am, just not right now) fuck fuck fuck fuck panic anxiety etc

me if i drove a vacuum truck aka honeywagon and was approaching a portable toilet for my job: "call me a british insult comic because i'm gonna take the piss outta ya"

Dawg Computer, ENHANCE

i forgot that a certain stretch of road is still named after a segregationist georgia governor i was in a band with his grandson and he said something like "yeah maybe don't associate me with his wikipedia page" lmao

pretty sure only like four of us on this bus have NOT talked on speakerphone

i'll give you one allman brothers guess as to why i wanted to sit in the very back

time to see if sleep on a greyhound bus is remotely possible thanks for the kind words, everyone

Well, she called to say she loves me and to stay strong. Taking care of myself first, you beautiful nerd.

I have checked out of the hotel. Time to go get better.

This is different than the other time I fucked up an engagement via alcohol. She and I have been friends for 20 years, her parents have had a nickname for me for 18 years, my parents love her as much if not more than they love me. Hell, she's played golf with my dad. I done goofed. Hard. Own L's

Robert Reford was a fuckin' G. R.I.P.

I don't have any tears left to cry, I am mentally and physically exhausted, I am about to do the hardest thing I've ever had to do since delivering my best friend's eulogy when we were in our 22nd year. I lost the woman I love. I lost my jobs. I lost my sanity. I need a hug.

As you can imagine, I've slept horribly over the past two weeks. I can rarely sleep in moving vehicles, even airplanes. Today I take 10 hours' worth of bus rides and my headphones are in North Carolina. I'm gonna get to Savannah at 8:30 p.m. wanting to [redacted].

Today's the day, wish me luck.

An older schoolmate who was nice to me when kids bullied me on the middle school bus is married to an NFL player so I always root for this player even if he bodied my Dawgs. The day she graduated from our high school, she told me she was happy to see what I grew up to be. Roll Tide I guess.

I wanna play a subcategorical game of Remember Some Guys™️ NFL players that you enjoy who played at colleges for which you have no real love nor hate? T.J. Carrie, Ohio Bobcats

I'm absolutely sure I am not the first person to ask this question: How is Tom Brady allowed to be a partial owner of an NFL team, ALLOWED IN THE BOOTH OF HOME GAMES, and also allowed to be a commentator during other NFL games? Conflict of interest should apply to more professions.

i have become the person who watches nfl games and just says "oh yeah that guy played for [college]" after every play

Houston's defense got gassed so hard dude.

What would you describe the Bucs' helmet color as being? Like charcoal mixed with pewter? Anyway this game is good.

Nick Chubb you fuckin' rule. One of the damndest of good Dawgs.

small victory for me but i never buy bottled water with some of my last dollars before i go to savannah,,,,,,, i am treating myself to something other than something that'll kill me