"Cocksleeve" is such a stupid word it doesn't register to me either as vulgar or sexual. It's like the "douchenozzle" of porny words

I've broken 3 keyboards in 4 months and I'm kind of worried that they're gonna think I'm doing it on purpose so I can get permission to expense a giant beefy gaming keyboard that clicks like crazy. I am worried about this bc I joked about me doing this specifically when I broke my 2nd keyboard

I'm trying to remember how many productions of Waiting for Godot I've seen and I think I've lost track? Best I've seen was actually a local college production that reimagined it from the perspective of people trying to cross the Mexico-US border which cast an especially bleak aspect to the waiting

I got to the part in Les Mis where Marius meets Cosette and as someone whose only exposure was via the musical I started giggling at Marius being like "Eugh" to her when he first sees her

My algorithm started only showing me shit from people grieving a loved one or fucking suicide notes?? 😭⁉️ Which is a HYSTERICALLY grim yet effective way to get me to put my phone down for the night

I don't like jokes about Midwestern Asians all being whitewashed. Some of us grew up in ethnic enclaves and the only thing to distinguish us from coastal AsAms is that we think about the dangers of grain silos more. AND PERHAPS YOU SHOULD TOO?

Partner and I have been cracking up talking about-- oh god this is dumb and mean-- Ryan Reynolds getting the Charlie Kirk treatment but he's so image trained that even his last choking words are like "That.... just.... happenedeughh" and we keep imitating th-- IT'S NOT FUNNY ADMITTEDLY, BUT I'M LMAO

The more I think about it the more I think the correct path for all supernatural stuff is a firm "I don't believe in that shit but I'm also not fucking around for no good reason" and that refers to whistling at night, messing around in abandoned buildings, and if you see something no you didn't

Talking transfemme Jessie Pinkman hcs that just became Walter White being more evil hcs

Bro I just found out this random dude I chatted up during one of my visits home is like, big on Witchtok(?). I was like "So you been into this stuff for long?" And he said "Nah not that long, but when I did I got really into it" which imo fails to encapsulate him being an e-celeb warlock

When the Cubs beat the Mets last night I told my partner "Haha we dogwalked you" and had to explain what it meant. Today I peeked at the score and went "fuck" and they were like "Looks like we're dogwalking you" and it was so shitheaded it made me horny

I don't think anyone should beat up anybody except in self defense so I'm personally not big on the meme about Americans beating up pickpockets in Europe. At the same tim how are you gonna try to rob someone without a weapon? From skill alone? Not gonna wave a pen around and pretend it's a knife?

I used to eat packing peanuts as a kid and every person I have successfully bullied into licking one has been like "Whoa holy shit it taste like peanuts. You're still weird for this" which is FINE

My hippy dippy "Everyone should be respected and heard out no matter what" beliefs bumping heads with my bitchy "There is an inverse relationship between how much you should be speaking in a day and how many lip fillers you've gotten in your life" beliefs

Came back to work first time all week (I was out sick since Fri) and came to 600 unread emails and reports that multiple people stopped by the office looking for me specifically and I realized, grimly, that I am Important At Work in a way that does not benefit me

I'm so bad at being sick dude it's crazy. I started bawling and begging my partner to try to live a long, fruitful life if they outlive me and they were like "We have minor colds I don't think we need to worry about this" I'll worry FOREVER actually

Partner and I are home sick and they keep trying to beat Groal and I'm like. I don't think this will make you feel better 😭

As someone who experienced housing insecurity as a kid I have a tendency to wildly romanticize RVs and people who live out of tiny buses and shit. I love that, make some stew in your kitchenette while I don't think about where you get your clean water or the actualities of finding a place to park

Seeing so many posts from people who went dumpster diving before the supposed "rapture" date and getting all this insane furniture normally worth thousands of dollars... never felt more upset about living in a blue area wtf

You read Wretched of the Earth and how the colonizer has PTSD from torturing the colonized and the former has a panic attack upon seeing a former victim while the latter desperately tries to kill himself to avoid recapture and I think it's right to ask: Am I really supposed to pity the former?

Developing a sick fixation on the bagel guy I get breakfast from every Friday on my way to work. I have visited his stall thrice and each time he hears my order, shakes his head, and gives me a slightly different version of my order that tastes better than what I'd originally asked for

My partner's one of the least online people I know and they're the type of person to be like "No I don't wanna watch TV, I wanna type a short story and read about silkworm production and think" so when they said they wanted to watch Kpop Demon Hunters I was like oh Christ, a doppelganger situation

Fellow patriots I have reason to believe that the Skarrgard and Savage Beastfly both mocked the death of Charlie Kirk, both work in security in Hunter's March and it is imperative we have them removed from their positions

This is the most "And Everyone Clapped" story ever but I swear to God, on my way to the subway a cybertruck drove by and me and the two other people waiting at the crosswalk started giggling at it and exchanged glances when we heard each other lmfaooo

It's kinda funny how the mainstream political conflict re: immigrant laborers is "Who ELSE would wanna do backbreaking labor for pennies??" vs. "It should be OUR underclass that should be slaving away at the work we don't wanna do!!"

Bro this is fr the worst accounting software I have EVER dealt with. I couldn't figure out why the agings were inaccurate and I got a message saying that due to "system limitations," the reports will reflect current balances rather than whatever date I put in. It's an AGING you stupid piece of shit?

Just found out the guy I've been fighting with via email over whether a matter is legal or finance's responsibility is the SAME GUY I've been chatting with in the halls. Oh my fucking god.

My partner works a lot with the UK branch of the company and so they're always googling British slang that they hear or words used in a different way. This morning during their meeting they were like "I can't find a result for "Spanish payday" so idk if that's obscure slang or if maybe he's weird"

There are people in my life whom I've cared about enough to try having a frank conversation with them about toxic or hurtful behaviors they engage in, but many of them immediately shut me down, acted like I was attacking them, attacked me "back," and I knew I'd never be able to change them that way

I don't think the shit you do in your personal time is necessarily a reflection of your professional life and the idea of your job combing thru your feed to make sure you're not embarrassing them is awful At the same time if my lawyer is the kinda person to @ grok on Twitter. I need to know that

I lost 1,700 rosary beads and didnt touch the game for a day and now every time I have more than 80 I sprint to the nearest merchant/gadget that lets me string up my beads. I can't experience that kind of hurt again

In much the same way that "people pleasers," despite their name, are incapable of pleasing anybody, few who say "skill issue" have demonstrated any kind of skill at, well, anything, including most often whatever it is being discussed as a skill issue

I feel very uncomfortable when people express gratitude to me, like one solid, heartfelt "Thanks, man" is all I need. Anything else and I'm starting to go "bah humbug" and waving everyone away to cover up my embarrassment

Les Mis is stressing me out omfg why won't Javert leave them tf alone 😭😭 Like get over it omfg it's not that serious, like Valjean is old as balls and he has a kid, get off his ass jfc!!!!

Probably one of the most sociopathic things I used to do before I was told this is not normal or okay was every time someone was a dick to me at work I'd slowly ingratiate myself into their good graces

I have a coworker who doesn't know he's neurodivergent and a coworker who thinks I'm WAY more neurodivergent than I am so every time I make a joke that doesn't land I feel like a disappointed teacher. Guys you have to work with me here.

I got on the wrong train bc I got so sucked into my book (WILL COSETTE AND VALJEAN ESCAPE THAT WILY THENARDIER?) and now I'm in fucking central park. Gonna be like an hour late work and Alex the Lion isnt even here

Getting blocked on every reddit community about AI spouses/partners bc I keep asking for advice on how to deal with my abusive relationship with my AI boyfriend and every time someone says "you control how he speaks/behaves" I accuse them of not respecting the sentience of my partner

If I am isekai'd into a Soulsborne fantasy universe, I will kill myself so fast it will stun everyone around me. UNBELIEVABLE speed. Most people upon waking up in a fantasy universe would be curious. They would want to take a gander around them. NOT I!

I hate the savage beastfly fight I hate the savage beastfly fight I would say "I'm going to kill myself" but WHOA whaddya know the fucker DID IT FOR ME! He's taking my GODDAMN JOB!!

I finished Theodora Goss's Letters from an Imaginary Country and it was cute but mostly just made me interested in reading more Hungarian fiction, of which I'm realizing I've read very little.

I am like JUST ahead of my partner in silksong rn, we're in the exact same place with the exact same upgrades but I'm like 2 rooms ahead so it's a fucking race baby!!!!

I was told my oppressors would be vicious, cruel, and ceaseless in their efforts. No one ever told me they'd also be painfully lame dipshits peddling their twee and overwrought """writing""" in between perpetuating said oppression.

Partner and I went to the mall food court and I went to my usual spot and the food came, I swear to god, faster than the time it took me to walk to my table. I fear they saw me and immediately started preparing my plate

Every time my partner and I see a BMW in the wild we're like "Are they gonna use their turn signal??" And when they inevitably don't we start cheering and going "Hahahaaa typical" and "Exactly what I expected from you """people""""

Probably one of the weirder things is 1) People showing me respect for being in a long term relationship, as though this is something that requires skill 2) People denying that point 1) is true or acting like I'm insufficiently grateful for it

It's simple: white people are a sacrosanct class of being who are intrinsically interested in debates of the mind, intellectual conversations, challenges of rhetoric, and everyone else is a lesser, baser type of creature with an intrinsic interest in (and, critically, are habituated to) violence.

I got a free ticket to the Mets game thru work and it's so grim. Idk how anyone deals with this

Partner and I started fighting the Beastfly at the same time. I have a stronger weapon and I still couldn't beat it even after fighting it 800 times. Partner beat it in like, a quarter of the time. I was so fucking angry. And so horny too wtf I think I'm just... into being owned??

Not gonna lie there's something deeply alluring about palpable homicidal rage broiling under a polite exterior. It's kind of hot actually. The restrained passion is sexy, if I'm gonna be honest. It is a deep shame that what prompted the thought was this video of Brennan Lee Mulligan