train driver trainee over the intercom: th-#% is an emergen€&-shhhhh*static* passengSHHH- must###*crackling* immediately! Irish Rail examiner sitting in the carriage: perfect, full marks.

off ta Killarney for the week

X lawyers: are you going to prosecute us for the material we’ve been producing? gov: do ye call it “milk”? X lawyers: no.. gov: you’re all good then fam

selecting text to copy and paste and a computer is like “well let ya highlight to the last letter of the sentence you want, but after that we’ll assume ya want to copy the entire page”

Post your favourite Lord of the Rings character.Wrong answers only

Something that lives in my head rent free is Garry calling Westmeath people “slack-jawed Eugenes” it’s a gem.

Martin Freeman

Labour will come out with their own version

every year there’s some weekly world news shite like this. last year it was 3i/atlas spaceship contact, and it’s always near the end of the year so ya have to wait. all year, conspiracy heads grift on it, then tumbleweeds after nothing happens, the repeat.

going to kerry next month for the first time in 12 years

salted caramel has gone too far

Tim Apple should step in on the Iceland situation

instagram showing examples of Threads between your friend’s stories is like a restaurant showing ya pictures of what’s in the bin out the back between posts of their food

universe is like ok they suffered enough today, give em a blasht of green light to cheer em up

the kinnegad plaza

people come back here after a couple years inactive and I interact with them like they’re part of the ships crew and I’m just a hologram who’s experienced no time in between

local shop delis are the premier purveyor of culinary simulacra

Pets behave like the Pluribus people. All happy and animated around ya and the second you’re not there they just walk off silently and lie down or something.

the theme of tonight’s Late Late Toy Show will be NATO

the first Alien is also a christmas movie. travellers guided by celestial beacon arrive at a crashed manger for the birth of a new, perfect life form.

big grocery making the tills cashless but keeping the trolley requiring a coin