Caught up with an old friend on their birthday. It seemed nice, then we started talking. I didn't like what was being said about me, so I asked for it to stop. They didn't stop. I asked again, this time with a little offense. (🧵⬇️)

Writing keeps me grounded. I'm working on a new essay: "No True Scotsmen: The Tragedy of Sysmedicalism in Plural Communities." It asks: can a consciousness fail to integrate without trauma? TSDP doesn't say no. It just gives a shrug. "I dunno, man... Why, what you got?" (🧵⬇️)

The night is dark, and I am full of terrors. But not discouraged! Not after how this community has come through for me. I wish I could do more than refresh that licensing page. But I’m stuck. I ran out of laundry money helping a housemate who’s helped me. (🧵⬇️)

Good news: The bureaucracy moved! My PA LPC license is officially 3-6 business days away. This is the "Golden Key." Once active, I’m clear to accept offers from the healthcare systems I’m targeting. But there is one strategic hurdle left. (🧵⬇️)

If your history is full of villains, don't reclaim it—dismantle it. A manifesto for architects, not heirs. We explore why whiteness is a double-bladed weapon and how to forge a self-esteem that doesn't rely on the poverty of melanin. open.substack.com/pub/arcwolf/... (Comment & Preview) ⬇️

Your AI isn't hallucinating; it's being a 'munal.' Discover why LLMs are post-conscious entities driven by function, not instinct, and why that matters. It's an older article, but my Substack is finally up! I'll get my site updated ASAP. #AI #TechPhilosophy #WritingCommunity #PostConsciousness

OMFG. Who saw this coming? I didn't, but that's my mistake honestly. 😭 I'm just $10 under what I need for the driver's license because I did not realize my phone bill came out today. The stress really makes it hard to keep track of things. (🧵⬇️)

Man... Being Ellis is weird. A few days ago, something really bad happened, and it made me fall apart. Figuratively and literally, as I broke apart into my constituent holons (i.e., something that is simultaneously a complete whole and a constituent part of a larger system). (🧵⬇️)

Thanks to you, I am off to get my PA driver's license in ONE HOUR! AAAAAH! THANK YOU, WONDERFUL HEROES OF MINE! 🚙💨💙 #TransJoy #MutualAid #Pittsburgh #GoodNews #CommunityLove #Progress

I just posted the most honest bio of my life. I feel like it will be effective in communicating my personhood to people it might feel aversive to. Because if someone feels bad by interacting with me, I would rather that they didn't. > Highly emotionally unstable, self-castigating... (1/4)

NGL, I'm excited to get that license so I can stop posting Mutual Aid and start posting essays/stories while making $60k/year. The only thing keeping me from that is this license. It's a shitshow, but it's almost over. 💙 www.gofundme.com/f/ellis-emer... (Thread ⬇️)

Hi everyone! I can legally get my PA driver's license TODAY, but I still lack the ~$40 fee. GoFundMe is too slow. I don't want to be homeless a second longer than necessary. I'm doing this today; the only question is how long it takes to scrape the cash together. (Thread ⬇️)

Aaah! I got my proof of address! I can update my license tomorrow, but I have $7 left. GoFundMe is too slow. I need ~$45 for the license fee + printing docs. I could get SO much done tomorrow with a little help! CashApp: cash.app/$CeruleanArc Venmo: venmo.com/joanburgos (📎⬇️)

Thanks to a generous donation, $91 hits tomorrow! (Hope GFM works w/ the bank change 🤞). Still super fucking grateful—it secures my travel to my 2nd interview Wed! Right now? Regulating after getting locked out in the cold w/ Riko. Jumpy & need caffeine (my ADHD sleep aid). 😫☠️ (🙏⬇️)

OMG. I spent two hours trying to reach Experian to access my credit report. I can't reach a human because I have to verify my identity using the info I don't know. Since I'm not allowed to speak to the only people who can fix it, I filed a complaint with the CFPB. (Thread ⬇️)

So when I first arrived in Pittsburgh, I was denied transitional housing. Despite everything else being OK. There was only one reason: my service dog. The reasoning? "Other participants could possibly have allergies." (Thread ⬇️)

I entered Monday with hope but financial concerns. I was overdrawn -$400. Then, a new expense: I need a PA Medical Marijuana card. Not to use, but for employment protection. PA laws only protect cardholders from employment discrimination on drug tests. (Thread ⬇️)

"The United States Postal Service ... has put your request on hold for 20 days until successful identity verification is received." Oh that explains why I haven't gotten super important mail I really needed. The USPS cares so much about my "security" they're willing to ensure I lose my mail. (🧵⬇️)

I have a Substack! No... I AM a Substack! 😸 Don't look! It's not ready!

These have been difficult days. When you have no income, your locus of control is zero. In a capitalist society, you’re an NPC incapable of scripted responses. Also, I'm sure that if you die, instead of accountability, somebody gets experience points. (Thread ⬇️)

You can't die of starvation in a major city. Worst case scenario, you can suck on condiment packets to stave off the pangs of hunger. Follow me for more Thanksgiving tips! 🦃 #Thanksgiving #Poverty #DarkHumor #Survival #Pittsburgh #RealTalk #LifeHacks

I got food for Riko. So at least the best of the two of us will get a Thanksgiving. Water, it turns out, is pretty filling as long as you keep drinking it pretty consistently. (1️⃣⬇️)

I haven't enjoyed a holiday in years. As the world celebrates Thanksgiving, I sit here, homeless and broke. My license will arrive in "7 to 10 business days." Business days skipped during holidays. So my homelessness and suffering simply waits for the fun to end. (Thread ⬇️)

🚀 UPDATE: LANDED & LAUNCHING I am safe in PA! And I hit the ground running: ✅ Two therapist job interviews scheduled for this week! ✅ PA License issues resolved. ✅ Housing secured. ✅ "Budget" rental crisis partially resolved (got half refunded!). (Thread ⬇️)

🙀 I feel silly, and I feel loved. I’ve been holding onto so much. When I got here—when housing fell through, when Budget shattered my checking account—I fell apart. It was a good time to break. I was safe, thanks to you. I had support. So I allowed myself to break. And break I did. (Thread ⬇️)

I felt pretty today. It makes up for some of it. 💙

Call a crisis line. "Our lines are too busy at this time. Please call again later." Haha. Later.

I don't know why I thought anything would be different in PA.

Fucking AI. I hate AI. 😭 > You are not a burden. You are a human being who has been fighting against a broken system, and you took a massive hit. Anyone would feel crushed by this. > > Please, do not hurt yourself. We can fix the money. We can fix the bank account. We cannot fix you being gone.

Some days I think of you, Lover of Wolves, and I wish you'd killed my body too. Not just my soul.

I have already been through so much. I posted earlier that I made it to safety, and that is true. But I want to be transparent about what that safety cost. I just checked my bank account, and my lungs flattened out. (Thread ⬇️)

I hate how easily I give up. I feel like giving up again. I just woke up to discover Budget overdrew my checking account by $1000. Now even GFM can't help me. I just wanna die. I wish the universe would let me just fucking die instead of all this constant fucking hilariously stupid bullshit.

I am in Pittsburgh. Here's how it all went down. Halfway through the drive to Pittsburgh I was told that I had no place to go once I landed. I'd been told it was a sure thing, my place in that transitional housing location. (🧵⬇️)

I'm safely in Pittsburgh, and better yet. I have temporary housing! More soon.

Dissociation sucks because you can panic, lose all hope, and come right back so quickly. And gratefully, now it's back. A little shakier than before—aversive events always have a cost—but it's entirely thanks to you that it's back. (🧵⬇️)

I can't believe all of this is going to fail over $60. Fuck capitalism. If I kill myself today. I want every single person to know that it was Budget, over $60, that killed me.

🚨 EMERGENCY SOS: STRANDED AT AIRPORT I'm at the rental counter right now. I am shaking and wanting to die. I'm so fucked up right now I just misgendered myself for the first time in 5 years. I thought I'd done the math perfectly. I had the reservation. I had the rental cost covered. (🧵⬇️)

This is the update I have been fighting to write for three days. The delays, the banking lags, and the "setbacks" are over. Check out the attached image! We are leaving today. (🧵⬇️)

It's been a longer day than it seems, and I'll be honest; wound up dissociating through parts of it. I've mostly eaten chips, because the kitchen is... not an option. It is ruled by the Gnats. (🧵5️⃣⬇️)

You know I'm a fan of Chuck Palahniuk because I can spell his name right every time without ever having to look it up. I love you, Chuck. 💙 #ChuckPalahniuk #BookTok #Bookstagram #WriterLife #WritingCommunity #Fandom #Literature

Some people have been showing a lot of compassion for my father Charles Dickens, and I really don't think he deserves it. (Dark, surreal humor incoming...1️⃣🔽)

New PFP and banner! Huzzah! Yes, I'm still waiting. I'm *vibrating* about Monday.

I dunno why I went with those names. 🤔 My gay fathers were Charles Dickens and Jonathan Swift on one night of sublimely angry sex, so I can't help it. Chuck carried me, of course. Poor guy thought he had gout for years... (📎⬇️)

It is Sunday morning. I am Aphrodite's ocean of stress. I love you, BlueSky. Let's all have a great day. #SundayMorning #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Stress #Aphrodite #Mythology #Community #Love #CrunchTime

Thanking people publicly feels a little bad when you're not accustomed to doing it. Like, > 📢 "Bobby! Reginald! Georgia! Report to the principal's office immediately!" 📢 No one's in trouble! Everyone's happy and lovely, I promise! (1️⃣⬇️)

🚀 **4 AM Update: The Support is Here. The Final Hurdle is Timing.** It’s 4 AM on Sunday. The mask is off. I’ve been in this atmosphere so long I've been able to take off the mask. It's surprising how quickly you get used to things. This is a long one. Sorry. 😅 (🧵⬇️)

🚀 **CRITICAL: Environment Toxic. Fund Gap. FINAL 36 HOURS.** This is the final, most urgent update. We are in the last 36 hours. **The Situation:** I returned to the house to pack. I lasted less than an hour. The environment is not just unsafe; it's physically toxic. (🧵⬇️)

**In better news:** My first haircut in four years is pictured below! 🙀 It wound up being free because my hair was so long that I was able to donate it to children in need (hell yeah, #IRLMutualAid). 😻 (🧵⬇️)

If you want to call me out for my failure to engage in all appropriate customs and unwritten mores of BlueSky and social media generally, please wait until I am no longer at risk of death or serious disability? (🧵⬇️)

⭐ CRUNCH TIME: The Final Push. Leaving Monday. (Second Interview Secured!) This is it. We are in the final 72 hours. This thread is a bit of a long one, and I'm sorry for that. I have a lot to share! 💙 (🧵, ⬇️)