Weekday Jokes
@weekdayjokes.bsky.social
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📝 5346
“By far the best jokes on Bluesky” weekdayjokes.bsky.social 2024
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I was so unpopular at school they used to call me "Batteries". I was never included in anything
about 1 hour ago
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I got kicked out of the coffee club… I wore a tea shirt
about 5 hours ago
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Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side
about 7 hours ago
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A virus is making people forget 80s rock bands Nobody knows The Cure
about 9 hours ago
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Where do Pirates buy their hooks at? Second Hand Stores
about 15 hours ago
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I've started investing in stocks. Beef, Chicken, and Vegetable. One day I hope to be a bouillonaire
about 17 hours ago
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You know that Albert Einstein was a pretty smart guy… But his brother Frank was a monster
about 19 hours ago
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Why are there Pop-Tarts but no Mom-tarts? Because of the pastryarchy…
about 23 hours ago
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Don't throw false teeth at your vehicle. You might denture car
1 day ago
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What’s the difference between a camera and a sock? A camera takes photos, and a sock takes five toes
1 day ago
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I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts. I won't lie, it was a Rocky Road
1 day ago
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An English man, a Spaniard, a Frenchman, and a German go to a club. The guy on stage asks if they can see him. They said: “Yes. Oui. Si. Ja”
1 day ago
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I walked into a toy store to do some early Christmas shopping and asked the associate, "Where are the Schwarzenegger dolls?" He said: “Aisle B, back”
1 day ago
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I’m never donating to anyone collecting money for the London marathon again. They just took the money and ran
1 day ago
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Therapist: What brings you in today? Me: I have a terrible fear of tsunamis Therapist: How bad is it? Me: It comes in waves
2 days ago
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What do you call a 1 legged hippo? A hoppo
2 days ago
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My daughter asked me, “Dad, what do bees eat?” Me: Honey, how should I know?
2 days ago
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My wife told me to stop making country puns. I said Norway
2 days ago
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My Dad texted me this in the morning: "I can't wake up this morning. Feel like a bicycle" "Two tired"
2 days ago
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I gave away all of my dead batteries. Free of charge
2 days ago
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Cop pulled me over and said: "PAPERS" I yelled "SCISSORS" and drove off
3 days ago
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Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar? They each got six months
3 days ago
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Walking home late last night I passed a hot fudge sundae, a lemon cheesecake and a slice of apple pie. I thought to myself... The streets are strangely desserted tonight
3 days ago
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What kind of pictures do turtles take? Shellfies!
3 days ago
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What do you call someone else's cheese? Nacho Cheese
3 days ago
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I'm not worried about the moon getting too full. It's just a phase
3 days ago
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3 days ago
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The population of Ireland’s capital city is really growing… In fact, it’s Dublin
3 days ago
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On my tombstone please write, “Not appreciating my puns when I was alive was a grave mistake”
3 days ago
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I asked my wife what she wanted for her Birthday… "Nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace” she replied. So I bought her nothing...
4 days ago
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The only gift I got for Christmas was a deck of sticky playing cards. I’m having a hard time dealing with this...
4 days ago
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I have a horse named Mayo. Mayo neighs
4 days ago
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I stayed up all night wondering where the sun had gone… Then it dawned on me
4 days ago
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4 days ago
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Two chemists go into a restaurant. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died
4 days ago
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My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4
4 days ago
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Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out
4 days ago
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I just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap
5 days ago
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My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast
5 days ago
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It was so cold yesterday my computer froze… It was my own fault though, I left too many windows open
5 days ago
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Can't believe someone broke into my garage and stole the limbo stick. Seriously, how low can you go
5 days ago
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I recently took a pole and found out that over 90% of people in the tent were angry when it collapsed
5 days ago
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I had a happy childhood. My Dad used to put me in tires and roll me down hills. Those were Goodyears...
5 days ago
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I tried to start a stationary business. Unfortunately, it just didn't go anywhere
5 days ago
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Who is the highest ranking officer at the hospital? General Anesthesia
5 days ago
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What musical instrument can you absolutely not trust? A Lyre
6 days ago
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What do you call 66% of a poop? Two turds
6 days ago
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I accidentally took my cats meds last night.. Don't ask meow
6 days ago
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Every morning I take my cow on a long walk through the local vineyard. I herd it through the grapevine
6 days ago
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6 days ago
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