If the price of Lindsay Davenport commentary is Bret Haber commentary, I ain’t paying it.

15 - Since 1990, only four teenagers have claimed more wins from their opening 20 matches at Tier I/WTA-1000 events than Victoria Mboko (15) - Monica Seles (19), Bianca Andreescu (18), Serena Williams (17), Jennifer Capriati (16). Company. #TennisParadise | @wtatour.bsky.social

That Mboko/Birrell rally was the good side of windy tennis

I’m kinda glad they sped the courts up

Jennifer Brady is about to hit forehands again 😮‍💨🙌🏽 #BNPParibasOpen

Where I’m at in my relationship with Venus is, I will turn the match on at some point and if she’s playing well I will watch and if she’s not, I will not.

VENUS!!!

Valentova’s foehand technique creates a crazy amount of spin but it also makes her late a lotta the time but the excessive spin sometimes makes up for being late so it may actually be a good thing idk idk idk

Taylor Townsend after missing a gimme volley: “Lemme show you a better one”

Jen Brady Stadium 2 night match

More than 100 little girls. A stain on our nation.

Damn, Janice

You gotta drive one of those backhands man

[whispers] Janice Tuen’s forehand go a lotta Carlos Alcaraz in it

Those inside in forehands from Tjen

She clearly saw this…

What the hell happened to Popyrin?

Sonmez and Kessler are playing some Big Babe Tennis™️

She’s squirrely, that one.

I like it when Badosa is healthy and playing good tennis

Was wondering why it’s so cold in my house and realized there’s still a window open from when it was JUST 50 DEGREES. However, it’s too comfy under this blanket to get up and close it…

Just heard a GOAT line from one of those right wing weirdos outside of an abortion clinic in a video, “Your affection is greater for your lesbianism than God Almighty.” SO TRUE QUEEN

Welp. It is fitting, I suppose.

Stunning WHAT?

Photographic memory is the 9th wonder of the world

Is he willing to give up the accent to come home?

Na I used to think all the “balls” talk was a bit overstated but I played with some Wilson Championship Extra Duty’s the other day and I never wanna play with another brand again. If you try to open some regular Penn’s around me I might send them over the fence. I’m bougie now.

If you’re ever in Yonkers and you like fried seafood, go to Make My Fish.

Trump Invites Caucasian Half Of Alysa Liu To Visit White House

Another anecdote from last night’s tournament: this girl’s three 6ft+ brothers were there rooting fervently for her. And in between matches she was girl bossing them around. Extremely cute.

One of my best friends (who used to have a political blog and did some work with the Obama campaign) has a nephew that’s MAGA. I’ve known this kid since he was in kindergarten. That shit is beyond comprehension…

Better go find them “I made Call of Duty my whole personality” mfs

Carlitos looking like he’s about to gently, yet firmly, escort you out of ‘The Gilded Racquet Club’ because your shoes aren't bespoke.

Welp. My kid beat him.

Before the tournament started one of the club coaches asks this kid where he plays (we’re at home) and he said “I *train* in the Bronx”. And his dad is speaking to him in some European language. I said “I already know what time it is”. This little boy is GOOD

My daughter just told her opponent to tie her shoes. She don’t wanna win

Damn, Iva

Iva Jovic…

A lotta players would’ve folded in Sonmez’s position when you’re trying to serve out a tight match and you hit a great serve at 15 all and the opponent just sticks their racquet out for a chance at survival and not only get it back but deep and on the line and you wind up losing the point.

We are proper fucked.

Let’s play a game of Who’s! Coaching! Emma!?