(Someone loves me, and it is messy, and it is not what I expected, but I love them too, I think)

I am deeply ordinary but it is okay to be and still want to be king. I will spill out my life for it, and that’s what matters. even failure will be wine from the neck of a lamb.

all my beloveds are dead, i’m lying in bed a year after deciding to work very hard, and next week I will fly to japan to see an old lover. all things considered, i had done my best to diminish my bad qualities. so well, it left me questioning if i had erased my elemental self too.

anyone can do it, but the fact of the matter is that they won’t. and I will not be a coward anymore, knowing I wield this capacity to ‘spill out my life’… i will not live moderately, I don’t want to.

me, you, rising from a batholith

have to be honest, one day something good will happen, and I will have to meet it with my real face.

Eating tiramisu at a friend’s house after being a total bitch. That is the way

Shamelessly evading you, shamelessly making you laugh, shamelessly coating your unhappiness with my humour.

web.archive.org/web/20150624... iconic

now i know twitter was a load bearing pillar in helping me hold up against my otherwise unbearable desire to reunite with my ex(es)

best case scenario they break twitter beyond fixing and they have no choice but to reinstate backup infrastructure and then we get circles back

this actually seems cute to me but the replies tells me people hate it. is it because you guys are personal data security nuts or you guys actually keep track of your routines.

feel like im on the first day of nicotine patches after smoking a pack a day

bluesky is the vape of twitter

i think my reaction to twitter breaking is addict behaviour

now im just going to be noisy on bluesky since im in the white room all alone anyway fuck

twitter is broken i want to kill myself

let out three measly sobs earlier on the bed thinking about how you reached out to me, how i cannot face you because of how much you hurt me, how much i wish i could just simply and stupidly go back, how much i want to be released. overwhelmingly: haven’t i been through enough with you?

*breaking shackles meme* I no longer miss you like that

November actually turned out to be the worst month of my life LOL so far. and I’m presently using the first half of December to extricate myself from whatever quagmires i’ve unwittingly sunken into. The positive thing abt it is that this has given me a helpful sense of proportionality & self respect

will be using bsky to grief post in absence of an alt, but yea: missing you terribly though your cruelty disfigured years of our happiness. as a person you are not irredeemable and in fact, remain extremely lovable, but for the options you have chosen to exercise, i must exile you from my life.

listening to daigoro789 again at 1:15am thinking that if not me, then who?

*takes mic* i………….. am………….. (i can’t finish the sentence, i’m too frightened of committing to an audience what i know with conviction exists, because what if it doesn’t? what if it changes? what if i had misunderstood everything?)

:D

I should write my emails but I’m so excited for November 🥰

I

:) cautiously optimistic. the feeling i’m feeling isn’t a wild passion but more… almost a satisfied and warm indifference, knowing that the terms we established were fair and integrated both our wants.

1) how much do you need to know someone to feel secure in your intimacy with them? 2) if it isn’t that much, then shouldn’t they be allowed to live their life apart from you with no restriction? — you realise that the intimacy you share has always included the umbra of compulsory secrecy

back to say that the dream is dead and I’ve take a renewed interest in life. there was a moment on acid last november when i sobbed looking at the sharp cleave of a cataclysmic shadow, merciless against the light. this division was life itself, splitting my sight into diametric halves.

you can put it in ur mouth if u want

listening to some blue danube arabesques now and feeling cleansed

just tweeting that i love my gf

bag view

hitting a point in my new life where i’m like, woah, is this my life? (travelled to 4 countries in less than 2 months, cute ageless gf, travelling again in 2 weeks, free summer bio classes sandwiched between) and also when will the dream inevitably end?

I’m gonna say this again many people who are supposedly really evil can also have pretty quirky sides. I always find it weird when people are disgusted to find that out.

Russian security forces have leaked personal photos from Prigozhin’s devices, and folks, I was not prepared for his penchant for quirky little disguises.

I’m going to single handedly bring back japanese science poster aesthetic

ever wondered if god was real

and yet…… do u want to know what indira’s net consists of??????

submarine plans cancelled oarfish available in the store

snowflake hydrangea

aerogel glassware

I love being in Japan because I’m getting so much practice in. Today while making a glass bead I could be say shit I learnt on reality tv shows. Like sutoresu kanji desu TE ASE! (Stressed feeling, my hands are sweating)

yeah i read to engineer is to be human once n now im convinced im an engineer

https://open.spotify.com/track/2i7OfHkKrwYnVGK3MeE4NQ?si=LyM2-iWjSm-dRxvCG4qmxg in me is a psychotic person capable of saying things like this

taking a shower listening to the sound of birds on my jbl clip4. I think this was the inspiration for the hunger games

I’m just in Jakarta now waiting for my silly noodles after finally getting up close to 3pm