Just a warning that I am not as effortlessly charming and funny at academic conferences as I think I am but am not online

Our cat means death #caturday

Make the Pamela/Shamela/Joseph Andrews cinematic universe, you cowards

I will be at ASECS; if you see me, come say hi, but do not get me wet or feed me after midnight.

Been waiting to say “Bondi beached” since this whole thing started

Trump is the Imelda Marcos of Jimmy Carters

I didn’t see the presidential address but I did watch my cat get sick on the carpet so I think I got the experience

I wish the best of luck to the crew of the Artemis II and understand completely if they choose not to come back

This world-changing, teacher-obviating, obligatory knowledge producing technology now has the same disclaimer as astrology websites, gossip rags, and ghost hunting shows.

Me, before LLMs: your thesis is underdeveloped and you need to work on structure within and across paragraphs; another round of proofreading would help and don’t forget your works cited. B-. Me, after LLMs: this is all terrible but I don’t think you cheated. B.

What was Martin Luther’s teaching load as a prof at Wittenberg? How many committees was he on? If I had a 2/2, I could publish 95 theses no problem

Watched Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse with six year old. She has thoughts: “Does Spider-Man ever go to the beach?” “You shouldn’t call Spider-Man a ‘dingus’” “Why doesn’t Spider-Man eat flies?”

Me, before AI: we do not need the discipline of literary studies anymore Me, after AI: all disciplines must immediately be brought under the banner of literary studies

From Thoughts on the difficulties and distresses in which the peace of 1783, has involved the people of England, by John King, esq. (1783). #18thcentury #nokings

From Letters from an American farmer, by J. Hector St. John (1782). Letter III, “What is an American.” #nokings #18thcentury

I’m depressed, but who wouldn’t be

Pretty sure Hegseth doesn’t avoid women but does deny them his essence

Fairly certain this fellow isn’t meant to be up and about on my fence in broad daylight. Must be ill. What are my obligations here

One reason 18th century lit is harder to teach in college (US) is because it has almost no name recognition coming in and basically zero historical context until the 1770s. Closest you get is Gulliver and Crusoe which they encounter as kids’ stories. We should get paid more, is what I’m saying.

I’m old enough to remember when guys like Hegseth were just baddies of the week in middling episodes of Xena

To leave us the fuck alone? Is leaving us the fuck alone an option?

Gonna tell my kid this was Maui in the live action Moana

Work computer: log in Me: *logs in* College website: log in Me: *logs in* Canvas page within college website: log in you little worm Me: whoa what *logs in* Workday system within college website: I want some of that, you pathetic cur Me: wtf *logs in* Email: yeah, you like logging in don’t you Me:

But I would walk five hundred miles And I would walk five hundred more Just to be the man who walked a thousand Miles to see Stevinus’ sailing chariot

I am not a violent person. But today in the JCC parking lot I was cut off by a 65 year old man driving a convertible red corvette super car with a Don’t Tread On Me license plate, and reader…

What? Hey? Sorry, I can’t hear anything over the roar of Charlie Kirk fans condemning Trump for his tweet celebrating Mueller’s death

Old man is scritched by old man #caturday

As dept chair, I can promise you no new forever wars with the Natural Sciences

Students asked me why I liked Tristram Shandy so much and I was within a hair’s breadth of telling them when I realized explaining it would reveal more about me than I’m comfortable with

I have an Oedipus joke for this thread, but I can’t see myself telling it.

The biggest infrastructure project in American history is the memory hole Republicans and the media are digging to hold the ten years before whenever he dies

What is your benchmark for success when teaching Tristram Shandy? (To undergrads) 1) they loved it 2) they tolerated it 3) they read parts of it 3) no one was injured 4) no one was killed

Ok! Annual checkup scheduled, I now have two weeks to somehow have become a completely different person since last year

I *could* go see Amy Coney Barrett on campus tomorrow, but I really wanna try out this new home trepanation kit I just got

Macbeth: I don’t know about you but I’ve been getting great sleep lately. Yourself? Lady Macbeth: spotless

People shouldn’t live in the past, that’s why I model my sense of self on what I think people thought about individuality 400+ years ago

How would YOU open the Strait of Hormuz? Wrong answers only

Beware the Ides of…all the Ides, really. Also the early part of the month is iffy. Late month too. Honestly with this administration, you’re going to want to beware at all times. The Soothsayers are like air traffic controllers right now.

He called his war an “excursion” but I’ve read the whole thing and it doesn’t mention Iran once

In which I am watched with some suspicion by a neighborhood cat #caturday

With ASECS around the corner I’m wondering if my career is advanced enough or the profession diminished enough for me to get very drunk and shout “Dryden sucks” at the hotel bar

Me: violence is never the answer Me: *sees DOGE bros NEH depositions* Me: gonna need a hammer and a blowtorch here

US government going to war like

1st Witch: When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain? 2nd Witch: When the hurly-burly’s done, When the battle’s lost and won. 3rd Witch: lost AND won? 2nd: yeah you could say it’s both 1st: what 2nd: yeah in two weeks, or a year, or whatever 3rd: the fuck did you get us into

Wow the stuff that’s going to come out in journalists’ books five years from now instead of when we really needed to hear it is gonna be nuts

It’s, uh, raining. A lot.

Unpopular opinion: the SAVE Act doesn’t go far *enough.* The future of the country would be better protected by much more severe and expansive restrictions that strictly limit voting to property owning US citizens over 40 who currently live in my house and are typing this post.

Me: I want to read something good Wife: like M: like Dickens W: read Dickens M: I’ve read Dickens W: all M: most W: Pickwick M: yes W: Barnaby Rudge M: yes W: Curiosity Shoppe M: yes W: Our Mutual Friend M: my darling, I’ve *published* on Our Mutual Friend W: leave this house, leave it now

There’s an episode of Star Trek: TOS where a computer runs the war simulation and reports casualties figures to the people who then dutifully off themselves and I can feel the tech bros gearing up to propose it

We are governed by idiots; please enjoy some footage I took of small-clawed otters eating fish on a raft