Thrilled to announce that I have been named next year’s artist-in-residence in my residence

I hate everything today but I took this closeup of an axolotl

Hotel designer: we got the shower installers with those glass partitions that go halfway? Assistant: yes chief Designer: and we got plumbers to do the fixtures? Assistant: yes chief Designer: ok, now remember not to let them talk to each other so the water will go all over the floor like we planned

Dreamt last night that I was one of those people who could put on a fancy hat as they leave the room as a kind of punctuation and have it really work every time, so that was nice

Found a mechanic who will work for kibble #Caturday

We are at a children’s museum or as I like to call it, the novel pathogen transfer facility

Finally saw some Bondi testimony clips and thought any second now she’s gonna demand they pull up the floorboards while screaming “it is the beating of his hideous heart!”

Fuck it, I’m declaring spring

Wow the number and severity of things that “someone” should do something about just keeps going up, huh

I think GenAI could be great in the classroom if you want students’ responses to literally everything to be “oh, ok.”

Me: *stops watching reality TV for 20 yrs* Me: *watches first five minutes of Traitors (US version)* Me: omg this is like when the Cylons finally come back to meet the human ambassador and they’re super evolved and are going to destroy humanity Me: *heads back underground for another 20 yrs*

The news I read is bad, but this fox sparrow I saw is good. #birds

Me: release the names of everyone accused in the files Them: what do you mean, everyone Me:

It’s like these fucking billionaires read Clarissa and said “I bet we can do that at scale.”

My daughter really takes after me and Jesus Christ people I am a *lot*

On the one hand, I am not very accomplished. I have not achieved much success. I am neither rich nor powerful. OTOH, no treasonous billionaire sex perverts or foreign intelligence services have tried or succeeded to suborn me.

Me, to so so many people on this app

Starting to wonder what one would have to do to really seriously be charged and tried for treason these days. We’re way past selling state secrets. What would it take?

For the last time THE MAJOR NETWORKS HAVE NO PLAN TO OUTLAST THIS GENERATION OF VIEWERS. They’re knuckling under and veering right because that’s where the last viewers are. After that, it’s light a match and collect the insurance.

A new Not My Cat visited during the ice storm #caturday

To say that he’s deranged wrongly implies that he was, at some point, ranged.

Students! My institution cannot offer you everything the ivies can. But it can offer you one thing they can’t: a faculty entirely free of connections to Epstein. Apply today!!!!

Didn’t think 2026 would so soon reveal that I haven’t been misanthropic *enough*

This #cardinal seemed to resent that I was shooting from the warm safety of my own home.

Yes yes I think we’re all on the same general page here, but what streets in which cities do we think his body should be dragged through *specifically*?

Today in class I said “let’s cross the event horizon of Dickinson’s poems” and even I thought I sounded ridiculous but at the same time a little awesome but mostly not

It’s 2032. Congress rewrites the entire criminal code to conform to the Epstein Freedom Act, which makes it illegal to have sex with or traffic minors ONLY if you have less than 100 million dollars. The Supreme Court upholds the law 6-3.

It’s morning. Awake again. Yay. Here’s ten seconds of a red-bellied #woodpecker and associate on our feeder. #birds

User: what’s the meaning of life ChatGPT before ads: generations of philosophers, artists, and scientists have pondered this question for millennia User: what’s the meaning of life ChatGPT with ads: In The Republic, Plato identifies it as Doritos Twisted Quesos

Day nine of the snow and ice. There will be #birds.

The only one who hasn’t minded the freezing temperatures and being trapped inside #caturday

What are they using St Helena for right now? Is it available? Asking for a nation.

We have lost a full week to the snow and ice. Ten days at home. With a five year old. I can see through doors. Through walls. Through time. The past is Mac and cheese. The future is Mac and cheese. Time is a flat noodle. With cheese. I am the walrus.

When they ask me to be the next dept chair

Don’t believe any reviews you read about Melania, they’re all lies because no one has seen it

Republicans declare Michael “domestic terrorist” for brandishing flaming sword in Eden; say “he was no angel”

Day five of being snowbound. Cabin fever has set in. Food stores low. Teabags being reused. There are arguments about hedgehogs. Overlook Hotel Index: 84%

“Two vast and trunkless legs of snow Stand in the front yard. . . . “

With the Bond films on Netflix I’m thinking about how they misled us to believe that supervillains would be super intelligent…except for Joe Don Baker’s Brad Whitaker in The Living Daylights, who is just a rich idiot who likes to play army.

I…sigh. Just enjoy ten seconds of this yellow-bellied sapsucker in our yard.

The extent and intricacy of revenge I want on some people right now would make the Jacobean dramatists blush.

I’ve invented a machine that will notify you the instant it starts snowing, day or night. It’s called a five-year-old.

Montaigne’s “On Solitude” is an absolute banger.

The Board of Peace

Sometimes I think that literary studies only has a few years left in it anyway so instead of trying to dediscipline myself with AI or DH or whatever I might as well spend the sunset just reading books and having thoughts about them with students. The end is making me want the silo more than ever.

We take a break from our regularly scheduled vitriol to ask if any #18thcentury types out there know anything about “Joan Plotwell” and The Ragged Uproar (1754). Esp. the scenes featuring the “a la mode system of Fortune-Telling."

Wow with everything that’s been happening I almost forgot how much I also hate Jim Jordan

Do you think Cruz still has to book travel to Cancun himself or do the airlines and hotel staff just check the forecast and do it automatically

Tomorrow, Jack Smith will tell us what we already know in front of people who won’t do anything about it. Imma still watch, tho

Pick up the nearest book. Turn to page 42. Post the second sentence. The first two of these desires just mentioned passed from my mind, and the third remained with me continually.