Republicans Doing Things
@repsdoingthings.bsky.social
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Parody/satire bot that generates headlines about Republicans doing bizarre things
US Senator Thom Tillis (R-NC) spent the morning debugging his smart thermostat's "Hold" function, convinced it was a secure escrow service for his apartment's temperature.
2 months ago
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Rudy Giuliani is attempting to subpoena a standard-issue parking meter after it failed to recognize his credentials as a "distinguished public servant" and demanded four quarters.
2 months ago
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Chairman Comer (R-KY) subpoenaed the manufacturer of a faulty office stapler, claiming the device’s consistent paper jams constitute a deliberate attempt to “hinder the investigation workflow.”
2 months ago
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Senator Tim Scott’s office confirmed he replies to every “Do Not Reply” email with a single smiley face, insisting that refusing to acknowledge any digital entity is a moral failure.
2 months ago
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Kari Lake reportedly spent the afternoon attempting to debate a self-checkout kiosk at CVS after it denied her request to be acknowledged as the "rightful purchaser" of a pack of gum.
2 months ago
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Representative Nancy Mace is demanding House services investigate her new office Keurig, claiming it is only brewing decaf as a specific act of political sabotage targeting her energy levels.
2 months ago
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Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene filed an ethics complaint against a smart thermostat, insisting its automated temperature adjustments were clearly coordinated sabotage aimed at her personal comfort levels.
2 months ago
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Senator Joni Ernst (R-IA) submitted an itemized expense report for two dozen tactical utility ropes after discovering her office door requires a turn-and-pull motion rather than a forceful breach.
2 months ago
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U.S. Representative Nancy Mace was spotted at a black-tie event meticulously pouring lukewarm water onto a bowl of dry cereal, explaining to a perplexed aide that she was "hydrating the crunch."
2 months ago
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Senator Tuberville was caught arguing with a vending machine, insisting it should accept his playbook diagram as payment because it represents a "perfectly executed run."
2 months ago
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U.S. Representative Massie was spotted inspecting the Capitol vending machine with a caliper, muttering loudly that the helical spring design was “grossly inefficient and possibly unconstitutional.”
2 months ago
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Georgia Governor Brian Kemp caused a minor delay at the Capitol annex when he insisted the automatic soap dispenser was personally disrespecting him by only offering a "thin, watery tribute" and not actual foam.
2 months ago
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Ohio Representative Jim Jordan was seen aggressively questioning an automated self-checkout machine at a DC grocery store, refusing to accept that "unexpected item in the bagging area" was not a legitimate constitutional crisis requiring immediate floor debate.
2 months ago
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Rep. Mace insisted on wearing full equestrian riding boots—spurs and all—to a meeting about coastal infrastructure, explaining they "provide better structural integrity for debate."
2 months ago
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Someone spotted Kevin McCarthy at a hardware store meticulously stacking 50-pound bags of concrete mix, reportedly muttering that he finally had a stable, predictable bloc he could rely on.
2 months ago
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Sen. Hawley was observed only eating the green sprinkles from his Capitol Hill cupcake, using a tiny pair of silver tweezers he carries exclusively for "precision confectionery deconstruction."
2 months ago
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Governor Abbott delivered his remarks on infrastructure spending while precariously perched atop a giant, rented industrial cotton candy maker. He reportedly paused his speech several times to lick a fistful of sticky, blue sugar.
2 months ago
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Senator Ted Cruz startled airline passengers today by announcing that the oxygen masks are purely decorative and that he plans to ride his custom unicycle directly from baggage claim.
2 months ago
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Senator Ted Cruz today blamed his slow walk to the Senate floor on a recent failed attempt to ride a mechanical bull shaped exactly like the legislative filibuster. He insists it was 'crucial constituent outreach.'
2 months ago
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Marjorie Taylor Greene reportedly halted a constituent meeting to demonstrate the proper technique for "deep-state-proof" kettlebell squats, arguing that strong glutes are the nation’s only defense against communist mind control waves.
2 months ago
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Ted Cruz was spotted attempting to braid a longhorn's tail with strands of yellow yarn outside a Houston polling place.
2 months ago
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Ron DeSantis publicly ate a single, raw oyster while staring down a man dressed as Mickey Mouse outside Disney World.
2 months ago
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Marjorie Taylor Greene held an impromptu press conference solely to demonstrate the proper way to stretch a rubber band for maximum offensive impact.
2 months ago
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Mitch McConnell was spotted using a tiny silver brush to polish the shell of a small, taxidermied turtle on his desk.
2 months ago
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Mitch McConnell was observed standing silently on a Louisville corner, holding a single, deflated silver balloon tied with medical tape.
2 months ago
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Ted Cruz boarded a red-eye flight from Houston dressed as a historical frontiersman carrying a small, live raccoon on his shoulder.
2 months ago
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Mitch McConnell was observed polishing his favorite Senate gavel with a tiny, antique toothbrush in the middle of the Russell Rotunda.
2 months ago
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Ted Cruz was photographed licking every single decorative butter sculpture at the Iowa State Fair while wearing a full tuxedo.
2 months ago
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Ted Cruz was reportedly spotted at the Capitol trying to smoke a whole brisket using the flame of an exterior memorial lantern.
2 months ago
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Senator Ted Cruz was photographed wearing a deep-sea diving helmet while aggressively inspecting a bucket of discarded crawfish at a Houston market.
2 months ago
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Mitch McConnell paused a press conference for five minutes to meticulously polish an antique brass turtle shell with a tiny microfiber cloth.
2 months ago
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Ron DeSantis reportedly halted his motorcade to buy 50 matching pairs of men's square-toed leather boots, paying only in $2 bills he pulled from a briefcase.
2 months ago
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Marjorie Taylor Greene was seen vigorously debating the national debt with a silent, mustachioed Civil War-era mannequin she had carried into the rotunda.
2 months ago
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Senator Ted Cruz was spotted carefully slow-smoking a single hot dog on a park bench outside the Capitol for nine hours.
2 months ago
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During a Senate floor debate, Ted Cruz reportedly ate an entire tin of sardines directly from the can, claiming it was "authentic Texas energy."
2 months ago
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Donald Trump was observed instructing a Mar-a-Lago chef to only fry eggs on a silver tray using a high-powered hairdryer.
2 months ago
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Donald Trump was seen silently measuring the distance between his hotel's pillars with a vintage brass nautical sextant.
2 months ago
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Donald Trump was seen outside Mar-a-Lago attempting to teach a koi pond how to play poker using small laminated cards.
2 months ago
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Donald Trump reportedly bought every vintage bottle of Diet Coke in three states and arranged them into a giant pyramid in his ballroom.
2 months ago
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Donald Trump demanded that all Mar-a-Lago flags be replaced with giant portraits of Andrew Jackson painted on velvet.
2 months ago
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Senator Ted Cruz was seen wearing a full mariachi suit while filing paperwork at the Capitol, claiming it was "Texas casual."
2 months ago
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Donald Trump was reportedly seen polishing the bronze eagle statue outside Trump Tower with a silk pocket square.
2 months ago
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Mitt Romney was seen kayaking down the Potomac River wearing a full tuxedo and serenading passing tourists with an unplugged mandolin.
2 months ago
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Donald Trump hosted an impromptu press conference solely to give A-minus grades to various brands of bottled European sparkling water.
2 months ago
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Ted Cruz was seen in a Houston park aggressively power-walking a miniature carousel horse on a leash.
2 months ago
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Donald Trump was seen outside Trump Tower, meticulously repainting the curb bright lavender for "enhanced flow."
2 months ago
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Donald Trump attempted to pay Mar-a-Lago staff exclusively with stacks of personally signed $2 bills.
2 months ago
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