My goal in life is to never behave in such a way that I become the subject of an Onion headline.

A thought just occurred to me: So the tech industry is building these giant data centers, right? And when the AI bubble crashes they'll be left with all these empty buildings, right? And the government -- well, they've rounded up all these brown people, right? You see where I'm going with this?

Hey yo why can't Canada send three hockey teams to the Olympics and sweep the podium like Norway does for cross country skiing?

Emojis are like 5 pixels in size on my monitor. I can never tell what they're supposed to be.

Did you think I was fucking kidding?

I didn't get a word of that. It was entertaining as all hell, tho. Love that Reggaeton/Moombah shit.

AI advertisements, and AI in advertisements, have ruined the Superbowl.

20 seconds left in the game, Hawks are down by 4, they have the ball on the 1-yard line. They give it to Walker, who fumbles into the endzone, Pats recover and win the Superbowl. And for the next 10 years all anyone talks about is "Why didn't they throw it to JSN? The best receiver in the league?"

The people who think Bitcoin will replace the US Dollar are unable to describe its value in anything other than US Dollars.

"I noticed you stopped scrolling to look at this dog video for 4.2 seconds. You must like dogs. Here are more dog videos. Keep watching videos. Stay on our site and consume content, you worthless prole."

Apologies for going all grammar nazi, but your constant misuse of the word "synaesthesia" has me seeing red.

Man, I'm starting to feel left out here. Why am I not in the Epstein Files?

"I do not fear the man who has 1000 synths and can only do one thing with each of them. I fear the man who has one synth and can do 1000 things with it." ~ Bruce Lee probably..... if he was a producer

Wait, people watch awards shows?

Every time a billionaire leaks an obvious bullshit lie to the media, I immediately think: Ah, he must be in the Epstein Files. Looking at you, Robert Kraft.

Everyone does whatever they feel they can get away with. Whatever selfish deviancy one covets, whether it’s social, sexual, financial, or legal, if one can act upon it with discretion and zero consequences, they will do it. And the wealthy do it the most. The law is no barrier. #EpsteinFiles

Jesus fucking Christ www.thebanner.com/culture/thin...

If Tiktok kids love Aphex Twin so much, wait til they discover Boards of Canada.

My new trait: When I agree with what someone is saying, I reply "Oh, 95 percent!" which implies that there's 5% of it that I don't agree with and they'll wonder for the rest of the day what it is.

Special Teams wins Championships.

So far the Rams have had zero penalties. Just saying.

Jingoism while people's rights are being stomped on just a few states away feels inappropriate. Lets just play football.

Erin Andrews killed a bear this week.

The stupidest person you know is being told "you're so smart" by an LLM right now.

Anyone who tells you to not bring up politics is okay with the way things are.

Just think: If there were no CFB Playoffs, we'd all be reading about how some jackoff sports writers anointed Alabama as National Champions based on some strength of schedule bollocks or something.

Only the NFC West can beat the NFC West.

We need more comedy skits where it's just one person talking to themselves in shot/reverse-shot.

Yay Scot Adams is dead.

Erin Andrews bathed in the blood of a litter of puppies before this game.

Fuck Polymarket, and Robinhood, and DraftKings, and even Fantasy Football. Jesus fuck get some therapy you degenerate gambling freaks.

Real education is knowing how to explain when Chat-GPT is wrong.

Really, I just watch Stranger Things for the music. Not the needle drops that I've heard a million times before and don't have any emotional weight or impact on me. The score. Could've used more acid.

Ghostbusters II isn't a New Years movie.

It's not clever writing, it's not dramatic prose, it's just AI slop, and I hate every fucking time I see word vomit written like this.

Protip from Gen X: Despite all your rage you Zoomers are still just rats in a cage.

Like an essay due the next day, nothing is more satisfying than finishing wrapping up all the presents at.... *checks time* 1:45am on Christmas Day. It's Miller Time.

We should do what the Japanese do and eat KFC on Christmas.

Look -- it's easy to sit around and crack jokes about Jake Paul getting absolutely curb-stomped by Anthony Joshua, but at the same time we have to ask ourselves: Are there yet more ways we can make fun of his stupid clownshow of a boxing career?

You don't need to make up LOTR Bands. There was literally a prog rock group in the 80s called Marillion. They weren't hiding it. There's a whole subgenre of Prog Rock that sings about spaceships and elves. You're not being clever. Just go and listen to them. It already exists.

TIL about T-Square, the 80s Japanese jazz-funk band that was the inspiration for almost all of your favorite video game tunes, from Super Mario Bros to Streetfighter II. www.discogs.com/artist/12491...

Oh boy, I can't wait to hear what shitty thing the President will say about Rob Reiner.

New movie idea: The US Navy missile strikes a Venezuelan drug boat full of cocaine, the cocaine spills into the water where a hungry shark is patrolling. The shark gets high and goes on a rampage. Yes, it's a sequel to Cocaine Bear.

Yeah. Fuck you Spotify.

Happy Buy Nothing Day everybody.

Fascism is the gun that Capitalism grabs whenever it feels threatened. It always feels threatened the most by Socialism.

The justice system makes a lot more sense once you realize that all rich people consider themselves sovereign citizens.