Look -- it's easy to sit around and crack jokes about Jake Paul getting absolutely curb-stomped by Anthony Joshua, but at the same time we have to ask ourselves: Are there yet more ways we can make fun of his stupid clownshow of a boxing career?

You don't need to make up LOTR Bands. There was literally a prog rock group in the 80s called Marillion. They weren't hiding it. There's a whole subgenre of Prog Rock that sings about spaceships and elves. You're not being clever. Just go and listen to them. It already exists.

TIL about T-Square, the 80s Japanese jazz-funk band that was the inspiration for almost all of your favorite video game tunes, from Super Mario Bros to Streetfighter II. www.discogs.com/artist/12491...

Oh boy, I can't wait to hear what shitty thing the President will say about Rob Reiner.

New movie idea: The US Navy missile strikes a Venezuelan drug boat full of cocaine, the cocaine spills into the water where a hungry shark is patrolling. The shark gets high and goes on a rampage. Yes, it's a sequel to Cocaine Bear.

Yeah. Fuck you Spotify.

Happy Buy Nothing Day everybody.

Fascism is the gun that Capitalism grabs whenever it feels threatened. It always feels threatened the most by Socialism.

The justice system makes a lot more sense once you realize that all rich people consider themselves sovereign citizens.

Will anyone resign? Will anyone get fired? Will anyone get arrested? Is anyone going to change their thinking, behavior, plans or policies? If the answer to all of these questions is no, then what are you hoping the release of the Epstein files is actually going to do?

They rioted for a demonstrably false lie. They will never rally for an objectively true fact.

Just to be on the safe side I think Dick Cheney's body should be cut up into a dozen pieces and each piece buried in a secret location so his soul can never come back.

Well lesson learned, Blue Jays: Don't wear Leafs jerseys to your playoff games. It can only end in soul crushing tragedy.

Don't worry, Jamaicans are fast. They can run away from the hurricane.

Baseball isn't a sport, it's a relational database management system where table data is generated by ten dudes standing in a field.

With apologies to Randall Munroe

RIP Dave Ball, one half of Soft Cell, The Grid, frequent collaborator with Genesis P'Orridge, and generous contributor to the acid house/bleep techno/progressive house pantheon. Electronic Music's greatest generation has lost another one. www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBpb...

So you protested Fascism today. Good job. But tomorrow the protest will be over and the Fascism is still there.

Freedom is never just given away out of generosity. It is fought for. It must be wrenched out of the hands of the oppressors. They will cry and whine about how they are the victims for not getting their way. Don't concede. If you want freedom, you must fight for it. With violence if necessary.

They will push you with a bayonet. If you are soft, they will keep pushing. If you are hard, they will stop. Harden up.

Paul Stanley next.

It's been 40 years. Bon Jovi should at least be three quarters of the way there by now.

How come ICE hasn't caught any white illegal immigrants?

The buttfumble is now the second most embarrassing thing to happen to Mark Sanchez.

Pete Hegseth today: "Sexual Chocolate ladies and gentlemen."

I wish Tylenol caused autism. Do you have any idea how ridiculously high our math scores would be if that were true? And we'd totally destroy Koreans in Streetfighter and Starcraft competitions.

The CFL just "New Coked" itself.

"The underground will not be online" is the new "the revolution will not be televised"

A lot of people are confusing Charlie Kirk with James T. Kirk. Let me explain it for you. James T Kirk was a fictional starship captain for the United Federation of Planets, while Charlie Kirk was a piece of shit fascist shot by another piece of shit fascist. Hope that clarifies things.

Oh for fucks sakes, people. He was a god damn podcaster. He wasn't Princess Di.

A passage from On Freedom by @timothysnyder.bsky.social Replace "Blacks" with "Antifa".

All the flags flown at half mast for Robert Redford, actually.

I... can't anymore. I just can't. Q is right. Completely, truthfully, 100% right. Savagery got us into this mess, and unfortunately savagery can only get us out.

My new hobby: When someone praises Charlie Kirk, I ask them "what's your favorite Charlie Kirk quote?"

Attention media/politicians: Every time there is a mass shooting, if you just say that the shooter is probably a right wing nationalist, 99% of the time you'll always be right. Play the numbers game. Stop speculating about things you hope to be true, and instead just admit what is most likely true.

There needs to be more Hallmark 9/11 movies. A burned out wealthy marketing director returns to her hometown for the 9/11 holiday, joins the town festivities and falls in love while finding the real spirit and meaning of 9/11. Y'know, that sort of thing.

Listening to this today. www.youtube.com/watch?v=THCj...

Charlie Kirk shot in the neck. Probably because the shooter was aiming for his face.

Protesting is "thoughts and prayers" for the left.

A lot of people misunderstanding the whole Rudy Giuliani situation. You see, he was just trying to return some videotapes...

Watching the Death of Stalin right now. For... no reason.

Okay okay... Cracker Barrel is keeping its old logo. But it's changing its name to Cracker-Ass Cracker Barrel.

I don't listen to pop music, so I was today years old when I realized Sabrina Carpenter - Espresso is just George Michael - Fastlove. With Toni Braxton - You're Making Me High for style points. I realized this while shooting balls at the driving range.

New conspiracy theory: In 1999 The Matrix was released in theatres, a movie about how we're all trapped in a simulation and the only way out is to send our consciousness through landline phone networks. Shortly thereafter, landline phones began disappearing and today they are virtually gone.