"Sorry I can't make it, something's come up" (someone I've followed for years on Letterboxd unfollowed me so now I have to go back and unlike all their movie reviews)

Guy whose four favorites on letterboxd are always just the last four movies he watched with you >>>>>>>>

And to think, The Nobel Peace Prize was his to lose!

I love when gay guys surreptitiously repost a nude from their alt to their main. It's the social media equivalent of an elephant hiding behind a pole. Like "I spy with my little eye...the same bedspread!"

Blind people are so lucky in the sense that they don't have to see AI slop

[being into older men in your 20s] "he's over twice my age 😏" [being into older men in your 30s] "he's roughly twice my age 😏" [being into older men in your 40s] "he's like 10 years my senior 😏" [being into older men in your 50s] "he's my ag...oh no. no no no, hold uppppp"

I'm a podcaster in the sense that I listen to podcasts all day long and sometimes I chime in

The New Yorker's art department never misses

Kinda like how last year's Best New Artist presents the award to this year's winner, the Grammys should hire the musician most likely to be in next year's In Memoriam to perform this year's tribute!

Jamie Foxx at the #Grammys

Jelly Roll? More like Twinkie, amirite??? (Because truck drivers love 'em!)

The Grammys have gotten a lot of thing wrong over the years but turns out never awarding Nicki isn't one of them

Yam Yam getting yanked from the banquet #TheTraitorsUS

To kids who grew up on movies, Catherine O’Hara always felt like America's mom (despite being from Canada!) 😢 #RIP

Michelle Visage would say there’s no family resemblance

"Uncut... Gems"

Don't mind if I do!

On feels like 1° mornings, I'm so grateful for my foreskin

This Paddington ass fit (I've yassified her to maintain anonymity)

[motions for you to take out your airpods] *whispers* "my airpods would have come out clean no shade"

I was grocery shopping today and found a phone in a deserted aisle so I took it to customer service then went back to the same aisle where a guy was looking for his phone and I said "oh I just brought a phone to customer service" to which he responded "why would you do that" so now I wish I stole it

The actual red and blue pills incels have to choose between taking

Not to brag, but I'm in a Heated Rivalry relationship of my own. (my boyfriend's a touch autistic)

My boyfriend and I just spent hours taking down all the Christmas decorations and it hit me how much better the holidays could be if we were in a throuple. Twice as many presents and half as much work??! Like I get it now...sign me up!

Jonathan Groff sitting in front of his dressing room mirror repeating his pre-show mantra: "Spray it, don't say it! Spray it, don't say it! Spray it, don't say it!"

"2025 Wrapped" is an oxymoron because we all spent every waking moment last year rawdogging it

"it's thick, isn't it?" ***my new jersey accent

"Not to brag, but I'm a founding member of the permanently unemployed class" —me in 20 years bragging to my nieces and nephews after they graduate from their state-mandated votech schools and can't find jobs because private equity bought every company and sold them for parts

Instead of finishing the year off strong, I plan on finishing the way I usually do (on my back with my legs in the air)

Foreskinematic parallels

We're losing our best bottoms to prolonged sitting-induced hemorrhoids from fake gay email jobs 🚨🚨🚨

This was my Heated Rivalry

My favorite books of 2025. In no particular order!

My mother's Christmas present to my boyfriend and I: "some gay art for your apartment!"

I just applied to a job with "I lost my career to AI" and "hope you'll take a chance on me!" in my cover letter. Wish me luck!

"Better luck next year, jobless!"

I like my men like I like my kitchen knives: a little on the dull side so they can't hurt me

Heated Rivalry deserves the coveted Sundays at 9PM on HBO timeslot. There I said it

[finding out someone's a cigarette smoker in 2025] "oh god that'll take years off your life can i have one please?!"

Now that we live together, there are days the only thing my boyfriend and I have to text each other is our Wordle scores

Sometimes I reverse image search my own creations to see who stole them and it's alllllways some loser from Threads

20 good years left maybe...

Every email I've received today: "It's Giving Tuesday" Me:

Heated Rivalry gets a heated revelry from me!

My mother's review of Wicked: For Good (née Part Two): "I never cared for the love triangle. What do they see in him???"

Pup play gays captioning their Thanksgiving Day posts: ✨ Crateful ✨

One thing about selling things on Facebook Marketplace is people are itching to start a fight

A movie that takes place where you’re from ✨

The Michael Barbaro "Hmm" is spreading. No podcast is safe. Journalists used to ask questions, now they just say "hmm" with varying degrees of gravitas. And sometimes, if you're lucky, they'll throw in a "say more" for good measure

Does Instagram think I'm gay wtf???