new gym friend told me he was a twice-a-day kind of guy and i said, "jerking off?" and he said, "no.....going to the gym" 😵‍💫😵‍💫

My boyfriend and I went to 6 weddings last year and we're going to 5 baby showers this year. Can the straights fcking STOP!!?! I'm already broke

Gays be like "is this something?" and it's their hole in 4K

If you're a New Yorker after living in NYC for 10 years, how long do you have to live in New Jersey before you're considered Italian?

Clavicular sounds like a name JK Rowling would give her anorexic character

For all our sakes, I hope Clavicular didn't suffer any brain damage because I can't imagine the level of misinformation he'd start spreading if he were even dumber

Hard to please? As opposed to soft to please??! Gurl, good luck getting pleasure out of it when it's soft!

I wish I were hot enough to realize I could make more money doing porn than from a desk job and just have my degree as a backup plan for when we all inevitably need a second job to stay afloat in this capitalist hellscape

being vers must be so hard. i'm glad i'm a omniromantic sapio-leaning polycurious collared pan findom side instead

I wanna be one of those gays who has a doxsund, but I could never get a dashund because idk how to spell dachshund

Sugar babies be like "that Depends smile 😏😏😏"

Kristi Noem's husband while she was out back shooting their dog

Charlie Puth is the millennial Michael Bublé (derogatory)

I celebrated Palm Sunday by open-hand slapping my boyfriend's fat ass for Jesus

The original looksmaxxer

If I had a nickel for every time an aging redhead alienated their fan base by pivoting to xenophobia late in life, I'd have two nickels which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice

I haven't seen Project Hail Mary yet and I just wanna know if they kept all the fisting jokes from the book in???

~pinterest recipe~ step 1: preheat the oven to 400° me: ok :) me finishing step 8 two hours later: why tf is it so hot in here??!

Gay men will use the 🔒 emoji to mean locked in, locked down, or locked and you'll never know which until you find their husband or their alt

A waist trainer? You hired a trainer for your waist??! Just wear a corset!

When you like someone's review on Letterboxd and they like your review back it's like sooo what are we?

It's about to be nearly 70° out. It's time to let your snowpocalypsituationship go

"Why am I learning this from Pop Base???" Maybe because actual journalism is dying, propaganda is running rampant, and conservative-leaning news outlets make up 80% of the media ecosystem???

"Sorry I can't make it, something's come up" (someone I've followed for years on Letterboxd unfollowed me so now I have to go back and unlike all their movie reviews)

Guy whose four favorites on letterboxd are always just the last four movies he watched with you >>>>>>>>

And to think, The Nobel Peace Prize was his to lose!

I love when gay guys surreptitiously repost a nude from their alt to their main. It's the social media equivalent of an elephant hiding behind a pole. Like "I spy with my little eye...the same bedspread!"

Blind people are so lucky in the sense that they don't have to see AI slop

[being into older men in your 20s] "he's over twice my age 😏" [being into older men in your 30s] "he's roughly twice my age 😏" [being into older men in your 40s] "he's like 10 years my senior 😏" [being into older men in your 50s] "he's my ag...oh no. no no no, hold uppppp"

I'm a podcaster in the sense that I listen to podcasts all day long and sometimes I chime in

The New Yorker's art department never misses

Kinda like how last year's Best New Artist presents the award to this year's winner, the Grammys should hire the musician most likely to be in next year's In Memoriam to perform this year's tribute!

Jamie Foxx at the #Grammys

Jelly Roll? More like Twinkie, amirite??? (Because truck drivers love 'em!)

The Grammys have gotten a lot of thing wrong over the years but turns out never awarding Nicki isn't one of them

Yam Yam getting yanked from the banquet #TheTraitorsUS

To kids who grew up on movies, Catherine O’Hara always felt like America's mom (despite being from Canada!) 😢 #RIP

Michelle Visage would say there’s no family resemblance

"Uncut... Gems"

Don't mind if I do!

On feels like 1° mornings, I'm so grateful for my foreskin

This Paddington ass fit (I've yassified her to maintain anonymity)

[motions for you to take out your airpods] *whispers* "my airpods would have come out clean no shade"

I was grocery shopping today and found a phone in a deserted aisle so I took it to customer service then went back to the same aisle where a guy was looking for his phone and I said "oh I just brought a phone to customer service" to which he responded "why would you do that" so now I wish I stole it

The actual red and blue pills incels have to choose between taking

Not to brag, but I'm in a Heated Rivalry relationship of my own. (my boyfriend's a touch autistic)

My boyfriend and I just spent hours taking down all the Christmas decorations and it hit me how much better the holidays could be if we were in a throuple. Twice as many presents and half as much work??! Like I get it now...sign me up!

Jonathan Groff sitting in front of his dressing room mirror repeating his pre-show mantra: "Spray it, don't say it! Spray it, don't say it! Spray it, don't say it!"

"2025 Wrapped" is an oxymoron because we all spent every waking moment last year rawdogging it

"it's thick, isn't it?" ***my new jersey accent