Harry loses a bet & has to spend a week sleeping in the Slytherin dorms. He fully expects to be on the floor with a pillow transfigured into a dog-bed but when he walks into the dorms for his first night it’s to find a heated argument about who he’s sharing a bed with first

Modern AU where wizards have their own version of social media & this is the only picture Harry ever posted to his account

October 31st, 1981 occurs as predicted & a cursed scar is gouged into young Harry’s head but when help arrives at Godric’s Hollow there are two babies in Harry’s crib; The expected one, bloody & green-eyed, & a twin with dark hair not nearly as messy & eyes more red than brown…

There are only three canon relationships I refuse to break apart for any reason & thats Jily, Romione, & The Weasley parents, everyone else is Unsafe™️ Watch your back b/c if I think you’d make a good top for Harry you’re on your way to Divorceville

Catboy Harry with the zoomies at three am send post

Every year Harry spends the entirety of Valentine’s Day, dawn to dusk, in a little tent outside his room/house so that all his boyfriends & girlfriends can line up & spend 30 minutes with him. This way no one gets left out & everyone gets the same amount of time with him

No more arguing, no more rants, no more discourse about anything other than which characters can beat Minecraft hardmode & which can’t that’s all I wanna see anyone talking about in 2025

Drarry is my beloved ship that 90% of the time I only fuck with if I’m writing about it & Tomarrymort is my beloved ship that 90% of the time I only fuck with if someone else is writing about it & I will not elaborate further today

MFW I ask a friend if they wanna know about my OCs & successfully lure them into reading a 1.5k word essay about my in-development story & world-building

“Ppl who celebrate fictional character birthdays are so cringe” FUCK you and have a HAPPY birthday PUSHEEN

HJP performing sacrificial rituals to resurrect his father into a semi-stable form just so he can be bent over his gravestone & bred in an incestuous mockery of God and Nature but we just call that putting the romance in necromancy

Just 255 more days! :)

Apparently you can pet a macaw on the head to tell it you’re friends but if you stroke it down it’s back that’s a mistake b/c it tells the bird you want to be “more than friends” & anyways Harry makes that mistake with a Veela boy and

Severus “Live, Laugh, Toaster Bath” Snape in every ‘Snape Lives’ fic I read:

Harry & Teddy are kindred spirits the way they’re both in love with their godfather

That time in OOTP when Harry beat the shit out of Malfoy (with George) on the Quidditch field call that bottom on bottom violence

Had a dream last night where a bat bit the fuck out of me & listen I’m not saying that’s a portent & I’m gonna get forcefully turned into a vampire but it’s a portent & I’m gonna get forcefully turned into a vampire

As I’m typing up why I like Draco for a moot I’m coming to the realization that I have the same problem w/ him as I do Tom/Voldie; I can’t ship them w/ anyone BUT Harry Harry can be w/ anyone I please at any given moment but them? They belong to Harry or to a hole in the ground

I lost ten pounds :)

Me: heartachey :c My friend: aw you miss somebody? :c Me: no I have heart palpitations

If I said Snarry was goth for goth would I be wrong

Harrymort romance like Persephone and Hades, actually

Harrymort romance but not like Romeo & Juliet, more like Micheal Meyers & Laurie Strode. Like Orlok & Ellen Hutter. Like you & the thing in your walls. Like that.

Eighth year Draco to Harry completely unprompted:

Conversely, this is Sirry to me ❤️ just a cat & his canine protector, just a dog & his comfort kitten ❤️

Harry in Snape’s Memory watching his father be the most cringe mf to ever exist in real time like:

My heart belongs to monsterfuckers, villain fuckers, yandere lovers, incest shippers, SELFcest shippers, age-gap addicts, deaddove creators, furries, sh*tac*ns (again, censored 🙄), bottom!HJP enthusiasts, kinksters, goth freaks, fujoshis & NO ONE ELSE

Giving Harry cat ears for scritches: ☺️ Giving Harry horns so his boyfriend(s) can grab them, force his head down, & grind his nose against their pelvis while he chokes: 😍😍😍🤩🤩🤩

I don’t usually like Harry topping unless he’s topping himself praise be the name of Harrycest amen

pspspspsps sirry shippers pspspspsps snarry shippers pspspspsps allhjp shippers but especially the old man x bottom!harry shippers pspspspsps pspspspsps pspspspsps

Harry with an older Sirius & a younger Sirius so he can be forcefully bred by both a surrogate dad & a surrogate brother (it’s not forceful, he’s enjoying himself he just doesn’t want to admit it)☺️☺️☺️

I’m allhp but I this is not a safe space for ppl who would put Harry down to boost up the characters they’re shipping him with btw This is Harry akgae space all others can get fucked idc idc idc

This is Nevarry to me, IF you even care

Harry with a belly-button piercing to drive the boys crazy

SBHP Harry: *Ignoring Sirius, attempting to finish Auror paperwork for the Ministry* Sirius:

Hermione is the only top in the golden trio

Me to my friend: yeah I could totally live in the Shining Hotel for a whole winter & not get possessed or go crazy idk it sounds like a skill issue tbh Me on day five of being stuck in my house due to snow:

“You ship characters that have never interacted before?” I ship characters that aren’t even from the same franchise wdym

plotting a fic rn & I’m turning my two into three for it; I need another top to add to DMHP gimmie suggestions because rn it’s just Neville

We have a MASSIVE blizzard heading our way this weekend; snow, ice, wind, the works. So if I go offline for a couple of days it’s cause we lost internet connection 😭 On the bright side…I’ll probably get three day weekend 🫠 wish us luck

I’m fucking crying what 😭

Me every time I log on (affectionately):

I said HJP was a literal Jesus metaphor the other day & that’s true within the narrative but my fellow allhjp’s are really out here living that truth the way we pass his body around to be served to the congregation Everybody gets a piece! He’s the people’s partner, community hole

Also, if I post something & you reply to it & I don’t reply back don’t take it personally. I have notifications off for this app & mute nearly everything I post nowadays I don’t hate you I’m just tired

Harry ships that involve Harry: 👍✅ Harry ships that *revolve around* Harry: 👍👍👍✅✅✅🤌🤌🤌🤩🤩🤩🥳🥳🥳✨✨✨🙏🙏🙏🎉🎉🎉

A day late but hap holidays moots ily

on my compooter, chattin with my frieeen & the conversation has me thinking! Since it’s the holiday season, I should give my fav fictional characters a gift! Get into the spirit & all that So I offer them a new home to live in, I’m sure they’ll all find it very agreeable 🥰

He That is all

The Malfoys & Grangers age gracefully but start very young, so they look an elegant 45 but are actually in their 20s The Potters & Longbottoms don’t seem to age at all & look about 20-25 until they hit 80ish & then appear to gain a decade every year. They pull it off with grace

My favorite thing to do? Abandon my social media accounts for days to weeks to months at a time only to emerge from the void once more like nothing happened and I didn’t unceremoniously go dark without warning I am not sorry and it will happen again