Jomboy capturing Springer stating what a lot of Jays fans have been thinking. www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjDB...

Too late, Batman. Once this Tylenol floods the city's water supply, my wiki won't run out of editors ever again

It’s punk as fuck to be kind.

I think I make a lot more sense as a person once you know that my two biggest comic influences are Rowan Atkinson and Ms Piggy.

WE ARE SO BACK

Goodbye is a contraction of “God be with ye”. I just learned this now. Did everyone else know that already???

Never in doubt.

I need to be prescribed something when Hoffman is in.

That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, it would've been a home run anyway.

Little in the middle but she got much back.

being trans is awesome and trans people are amazing and gender is a dumb box and anyone who makes their own crowbar to smash it from inside is a hero actually.

The Jays come from behind so much, you'd think every day was their birthday.

The Jays are fun.

I think we can all agree we’re in the worst timeline based on the fact that I have never booked a commercial where I act opposite an Edmonton Oiler struggling to talk like a regular human man.

Pretty fucked up how hyped you all are to see somebody reap just because they sowed.

george lucas made a three film opus about how a combination of tariffs, incels, and anxiety would give rise to fascism and we all made fun of him smfh

Now you C-D-See it, now you don't. @theonion.com

Marner's team having a go at Dangle is the weakest garbage. There are plenty of hateful monsters in Toronto media, and you have a go at STEVE DANGLE? Why not just punch Carlton the Bear while you're at it? Absolute milksop-ass move.

A stroke of luck.

The Toronto Blue Jays.

I keep refreshing hoping that it’ll happen.

Waiting for the headline to drop is like not knowing when Christmas is. You just wake up every morning and check with so much hope.

Hello I won a local improv tournament with a friend I made as a 13 year old.

I lost the game.

If you ask the biggest, toughest guy you know what his favourite Beatles song is, he’ll pick the most 'ricky-ticky-ticky, Gran’s-in-love-with-the-sheriff-of-Nottingham'-assed Paul McCartney song.

Blue Jays baseball is my anti-drug.

This gives Jays fans more time to eat hot dogs, you fools.

It's Clement-time.

The Jays being this good feels unnatural. Like maybe I'm dead and this is my afterlife for being a nice lady?

Hello yes hi. I think I look nice today. Thank you for your time.

I'm a comedian with barely a high school education. I have zero expertise in history. I'm not smart, at least by any academic standard. I’m going to get stuff wrong in this thread. I hope that’s okay. If you catch it, tell me. I’d love to understand a little more.

This whole thing is bad, but the end seems to imply that his goal is to make museums fuckable???

Being called the Nashville Predators and then not having an animal print jersey is cowardice. Those fucks should be out there looking like a bunch of Fran Dreschers or not at all!!!!

I assume this is the only nice thing my exes say about me:

This site is finally getting vintage Twitter energy in that I'll post a silly goose thing and then a random person will show up out of nowhere and keep replying, "EXCUSE ME GOOSE GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT. THAT'S TOO SILLY TO BE TRUE, GOOSE."

Finally, someone asking the question of what's worse, domestic violence or requesting a trade. What an awful idea this was, fucking hell.

Fascism is here. We are not “getting closer” or “in danger of.” This matters because it frames our discussion: We aren’t trying to prevent it, we’re trying to defeat it. It’s not taking over our institutions, it’s taken them over. Otherwise, we’re always behind, fighting a past we’ve already lost.

the intensity of my anger at those who would criminalize the homeless — a population literally created by the greed and callousness of the ruling class — is very hard to contain. it was you who dismantled the safety net. if you don’t like the results, put it back

The Toronto Blue Jays.

I wrote 20 pages of a completely new script today, which is buck-wild ass pace. I keep telling people and they aren't reacting as impressed as I need them to be. 20 pages is a lot!!!

I miss MS Paint.

Those who do not learn history are doomed to do a much dumber version of it.

The first year of a relationship is romance. From there on out, it's a conversation about whether or not your partner moved the Allen key from the place you keep your Allen key.

This is the Roman Empire equivalent of going overboard on Facetune.

I once read a comment saying something like "if you choose not to laugh at farts, your life will contain less laughter but still the same amount of farts". I think about that a lot.

RIP to a real one

The Blue Jays are fun. I’m having fun.

Wait. Bad people can die????