I s2g that Pisces stellium all Pisces season was like being 20,000 leagues under the fucking sea I genuinely moved in slow motion and existed in the most dense fog mental sludge of recent memory

Wait do I not hate my job lol

Okay flexed on my superboss call today which makes me feel less like a POS at work

I love that Shannon does my taxes

I feel rejected by everybody but it’s just because I am rejecting everybody because I’m struggling to relate to others rn

What a temper tantrum yesterday lolllllll

And then I’m mad bc it’s like why can’t I be angry ? Why must I bend knee and be softened? The only way I can be mirrored is if I conform in this way and I resent it and then I’m angrier

This is also all such a huge contributor to the relational disconnect I feel because these are the days of soft and gentle Bible but I cannot relate so I just encourage other peoples softness and gentleness while not being seen in return bc anger makes ppl uncomfy so the response is to soften me

This is a long form way of saying I resent my family and every lover I’ve ever had and at least 50% of my friends

What a life it must be to be held and cared for in such ways. The second I yield even a tenth of myself it is taken advantage of and then set as an expectation. This is the plight of a 7H Libra stellium including Chiron

Really it’s envy and resentment. To be treated like a teacup and cry gentle tears with a forgiving heart and that actually matter and not just get immediately co-opted and used against you lmao

soft and gentle soft and gentle Kaitlyn be soft and gentle!! Bro stfu I’ll be rage and violence like soft and gentle ? Put a gun to my head

The selflessness required to be soft and gentle to a world that has never been that to me. I do in fact not hold it and I won’t have anyone telling me it’s wrong to be how I am, because I am how I am and how I am is how I am and how I am isn’t wrong just because of XYZ so like stfu? I’ll be how I am

:)

I get angry when people embody something I do not embody naturally in my current form. I do not embody it naturally in my current form because I have self rejected all those aspects of myself to such a degree that I nearly hate them. When ppl mirror this to me I’m enraged

Weirdly enough, anyone asking me to be soft and gentle fuels my anger because it feels like policing and asking me to be small for their preference. Yet I can’t even witness someone else being soft and gentle without actively getting pissed off so it’s well beyond being personally policed

I genuinely experience a request for me to be soft and gentle as a request to self abandon. Which probably seems counterintuitive

Ppl just trying to live and regulate their nervous systems and I’m actively getting angry over it lmfao

The way I struggle with gentleness and the cultural popularity rn of being gentle and soft this soft that. I reject it so hard to the point of judgement sometimes and it’s all a huge projection of my childhood wounds and relationship wounds

I just know things are bad. Michael is bleeding into me

I am convinced that rabokki is like UP my alley and then I have it and it just doesn’t hit. How can that be

All I do is crave Korean food and then genuinely not enjoy it but it like in my head is exactly what I want. Why doesn’t it translate

Mastery of the passions

He said his god is rhythm and then he spoke about time and jazz and eighths and triplets and I fear I was terribly compelled

Anyway I’m feeling AHHHH! I’m feeling OOOOO. I’m feeling EEEEE. Inside my bones and body!!!! What if I just: STOPPED! I don’t even care like that fr!!!!,! N n cnn!!bbb

Also like did he bug my phone ? Why does he think so similarly to me and there’s just like a parallel in our vibes / introspections like are you reading my compulsive dialoguing with AI is this a psyop am I being watched

For every 1 feeling, I have an accompanying 1000 word self analysis essay. Bitch I’m drOWNING in words. And for what? I am into the sex yes like the tone and vibe is just right but we’re mismatched in drive. There’s not enough again and again and again like I need more where’s my hit? NO THINK

Less then 2 weeks to drive myself to the bring of insanity in response to genuinely liking a man romantically. 11d to be exact

This shit actually annoys me. If he weren’t funny and hitting a sexual flow state w me would I still be hanging around ? No probably not!!!!! So that’s all it takes ?????? Fucking sell out. He is so funny though that shit annoys me grrr grrrgrrrr

Like bro my energy all mixed tf up over a MAN ??? A MAN got me in my tweaker energy and it comes with a big fat scoop of HARD, UNCOMFORTABLE, QUESTIONABLE. Girl if ur not turning around you better fucking slay your gd book bc otherwise WTF ARE YOU DOING

Like bro I can’t see. I am confused and I cannot SEE where I am going my sight is THWARTED I am walking BLINDLY my predictive mind has no idea what to cast I fear all outcomes and yet im walking forward anyway. WHY? The ONLY way it’s worth it at all is if there is creative success inspired by it

Genuinely I need to stop THINKING and LOOPING and CIRCLING I’m creeping into paranoid brain I’m anxious at WORK I’m anxious at HOME because I’m thinking thinking thinking trying to find an answer that makes me feel better and there is none and dadadadada looplooploop mirror mirror mirror I CANT SEE

Never enough peanuts in the papaya salad. Never enough peanuts in the massamam curry. Never enough peanuts

Sick as hell

Yall ever swiped hinge while on the couch of the man ur semi seeing ?

Okay hella chill. Day 3 period and I no longer have a headache or want to kms

God has given me a simple test with an obvious answer

Something I will NEVER take for granted is being so gd sexy

I’m going to succumb to the cyber dek trend I know it

Okay I mopped and that helped

Welcome back, bipolar spring!

When it’s daylight savings and finally warm but my fuck ass mood disorder gets trigged and I just react to spring and summer with fucking aggravation and irritabltktjt she siswmxkenwkkwkw. ANNOYED. I hate everyone maybe

Thank god I got curtains these days bc my yesterday would have been excruciating under the full gaze of the sun

The TJ uncrustables are better than name brand hate to say it

Every month I’m tempted order Korean style corn dogs that I don’t even like bc they’re too sweet

Ugh life is so good to me sometimes

When I depop out from under someone’s lowball effort I feel as though I have asserted my dominance

My own fault for trying to plug him platonically with other homies I don’t think it was a 10/10 meld I learned something tho. Which is don’t mix friend groups it’s doesn’t rlly work for me

Idk why his proximity feels odd to me but like I react slightly off with it but again I like genuinely lowk find him annoying yet ppl keep clocking my tea

And I’m doing my classic 1,2 of playing hella nonchalant and unbothered but I s2g that’s like calling more attention to me because with everyone else I’m chummy and then I’m like a bit awkward w him bro