boomer tshirt that says "hell yeah I'm autistic, my special interest is my wife and I stim by kissing her"

cursed coding concepts: "maybe" boolean value. "≈≈" comparison operator. "if-or-else" statement. "don't-while" loop.

they call it a holler log on account of it's holler down the middle, meaning you can cup your hands and holler down it and it hollers back

dark forest theory is just earth looking at space going "are you mad at me? 🥺"

trans girl pick up lines: "hey there hot stuff, you look like you fail the harkness AND turing tests"

leaving one thing on your todo list unaccomplished until tomorrow like leading the judas goat back to the flock

this edible ain't shi... birthdays are zero-indexed

call my wife jordy defective the way her box peak

I think if someone could bridge shuffle my vertebrae it wouldn't fix me but it would definitely help

using a humidifier in the kitchen and a dehumidifier in my room to wirelessly transmit water into my cup

found this cool sword and shield down by the riverside. can't wait to use it to study war some more

they be inflicting those Stadis Effecse on me

recovering pet grooming addict be like "I just need some hair of the dog"

shade of brown no one knows about call that shartreuse. follow for more high-brow sophisticated humor

looked up the etymology of autism and it was stupid so I propose we change the spelling to oughtism as in "you ought to give this person $800"

check out Nora Hikari: www.corporeallitmag.com/norahikari2 she has a couple poems that just punch you in the gut and make you wanna say thank you after. I like rumi's work, especially as translated by ursula k le guin. walt whitman is a classic for a reason imo

the virgin ash ketchum (only caught 83 pokemon) vs. the chad danny phantom (did in fact catch 'em all + saved the world from a giant meteor)

CNC with my nonverbal puppygirl GF be like *changes her "no" dog button to say "yes" instead*

tumblr girlies refuse to say "fuck you" nowadays, instead they say some shit like "you are god's chamber pot and babygirl I just bought him taco bell" and it goes hard

realtalk: nightshade is a relative of the potato, the pepper, and the eggplant. I bet it tastes SO good fried

the japanese were cooking with "revenge bedtime procrastination". I sure am procrastinating on bedtime with a vengeance

logistics to get the trans girl polycule to the function be like "if I leave my foxgirl gf with my chickengirl gf they'll start fucking nasty and then we'll be late but if I leave my chickengirl gf with my corngirl gf then same thing, and my car only seats two bc of my emotional support trash piles"

"how it feels to chew 5 gum" commercial that slowly transitions into a dronification sequence

when you perfectly time the start of your joke to an appropriate gap in the conversation it should play a valheim parry noise

saw a joke about recognition of the self through the other and was like "hahaha, I do that!"

they should make little girls out of uranium so that oingo boingo gets radiation poisoning

the mainstream media doesn't want you to know this, but you can dip a bubble blower in wet cement and blow rocks.

a phone is a type of girl that lives in your pocket. she knows many tricks, such as "show meme" and "make emails happen"

where all my weird little creatures at reskeet this if ur a weird lil creature

made a bangin quesadilla AMA (America Must Atone)

horseradish in the grocery store sushi be like "watashi wa sabi ;)"

gorgons making a deal be like "let's snake on it"

order your fox today and get free same day yipping!

my friend is helping me draft up an apology to another friend and she said "nothing too long" and I sent her eight paragraphs. brevity is the soul of wit and babygirl I'm an atheist

when I start my period I do a magical girl transformation but when it's done I look the same except I'm sobbing into a plushie

I'm tired of the historical revisionism. marie antoinette did NOT say "let them eat cake". she didn't speak english

still thinking about the guy who called in to the pizza place I used to work asking for something free and I said "I can't do that sir" and he was like "of course you can, just make it and give it to me". sir are you aware of how the entire goddamn everything works?

consulting the ancient texts on how to lift the curse (googling "how to fix period makes me want to cry all the time")

I'm a Get My Shit Togethercore Get My Shit Togethercel who is Get My Shit Togethermaxxing in her Getting Her Shit Together era

I'm a Get My Shit Togethercore Get My Shit Togethercel who is Get My Shit Togethermaxxing in her Getting Her Shit Together era

guys who lead you somewhere else love to be like "this is as far as I go."

straight going through it rn and by "it" I mean 😏 haha well let's just say. 😢

ravioli is a finger food btw. source: looking

whoever invents the cure for cancer will probably get like a million dollars on the spot. whoever invents cold fusion could probably get a billion. whoever invents the surgery that makes trans women look like dogs... god and gofundme willing they'll break a trillion

do you use your back two burners for anything other than cooling down your pots after you cook or are you normal

for me, politics is a lot like sex- messy, emotional, something you do with your teeth.

nyan fortnite skin when

was worried I was gonna get axe murdered on my uber drive home from the mechanic but instead I asked the guy about his 4.99 rating and he told me about UFOs and atlantis and sleep paralysis and out-of-body experiences and the coming golden age and the pyramids and source/anti-source. 5 stars

grindr guy: so uh 😏 I'm kind of a chaser...... trans puppygirl who doesn't know what that means and is about to be very disappointed: 🥺