Me

My doomsday prophecy says Elon will do something to the astronauts before the return from ISS. He will then claim that he could have saved them

He puts the Elon in felon

The only way that I ate every day when I was in school was to have free lunches. I guess I was a parasite.

*opens trenchcoat* Psst, you need eggs?

*musk gets fired* Trump: “ Never met the man”

It feels like this day happens every year

RFK the younger is getting his ass handed to him. Question… Is sounding exactly like Catherine Hepburn a pre-existing condition?

Don’t wanna jinx things but I sold my first script, to be made sooner than expected

Joker and Batman

Evie Knievie

I think it’s almost frozen iguana is falling out of trees in Florida time

I quit drinking alcohol two years ago. And it has made all the difference in my life. I urge you to quit drinking alcohol.

Jimmy Carter was far more than a President. He was the embodiment of humanity. Perhaps, the last of his kind

Christmas Vacation is a Die Hard movie

“White Christmas” is a Christmas movie

A Christmas Carol is a Christmas movie

This is where I live

Being stupid is like being dead. You haunt every person. place, or thing you’ve ever touched.

I bet Trump is absolutely appalled at the behavior of Gaetz.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you’re having a way better Christmas than Matt Gaetz

Biting my tongue so hard right now

I think Duhamel has a crush on me and my scum detective hair.

My gal went to a chocolate factory for work today and didn’t bring home one goddamned oompaloompa

Nothing about that Alanis Morissette song about irony is actually ironic, you know, true irony, like how happy we are that grocery prices are about to go down.

I sell art. To make money to make more art. Not too late for Christmas presents! #SupportArt

Whomever did this had too much time on their hands

My favorite response when people ask me what movie I’m working on right now is “oh I haven’t seen that one.“…um…

When Trump was asked why he chose Kash Patel he simply stated “ His name is Cash“.

Coming soon. #AfterwardMovie

You know our country has lost the plot when the murder of an insurance CEO garners praise rather than disgust. And, the person most happy about it is probably the guy in line to be the new CEO

So I have to post cats here to get likes? I don’t understand this platform.

The shooters name is Luigi . Carry on.

I rode a dragon one time

Cali Sober for life.

My best advice for living a good life: Stop Drinking

Just facts, y’all

Everything I’ve worked for my entire career is finally about to happen. I will no longer just be the paint I get to be the painter now.

Watched the old Rudolph claymation movie yesterday. All I can say is I want some of what the writers were smoking

I think I’m gonna like it here 🤘🤘

Disco Turkeys!