Apparently telling your financial advisor to "just yeet it into the stock market" is not a sound fiscal tactic. This might be why I have a financial advisor.

Tell me you grew up poor without telling me you grew up poor. Filling your gas tank up all the way feels like the biggest accomplishment every time.

I Have to Get Up and Be An Adult Now: A Neverending Horror Story

Told someone we were out of fake cum for injectable toys. Their response was 10/10 "Guess I'll just have to Martha Stewart this shit"

It's charging day and I made a perverse little Christmas light chain

Update - still open for another hour and we have record sales

Made someone real uncomfortable with my short today. Fucking good.

I redressed Chody and he looks like a babushka 😂

Is it going to be popping today or slow af? Who thinks people planned their Valentine's presents ahead of time?

I got a new fren for the car. What should I name him?

We have officially stocked something on the "ummm I don't know if I like this list"

Me in my car freaking out why my Bluetooth isn't connecting and playing my music... The car was not on. 😐

Yesterday I had a record sales day...today I have had 3 sales I just want a happy medium please!

Watching a man figure out a 1/4 or 1/2 cup bra in front of me is honestly the best form of entertainment

I had a dream last night that we opened a glory hole in the store but it was just a blow up doll inside.

Customer "Have you ever been handcuffed?" Me "By police or sexually?" Probably not my brightest reply

Just a happy little guy

The world needs more parents kike Kipp's dad

I can't sit at home watching Heat Rivalry...so I will play the soundtrack at work

Nine goals for all the inches 🥵

What color Hollander? What size? Inquiring minds want to know...and capitalize

(1/5) #RedUmbrellaDay, or the International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers, is one of the most important days in the sex working calendar.

Sex work is work. Make it legal so there are protections.

The fact people have not bought this for a white elephant is making me very sad

Dildos and The Illiad. I feel like Homer would approve.

You know it's cold when your boogers freeze inside your nose

New pasties!

You tip your strippers. Tip the people who get them there. (Me. Tip me when I sell you lingerie or toys.) #SexShop #SexShopShenanigans #SexWorkIsWork

To the man who bought lingerie for his wife in a size too small so she would lose weight - I hope she divorces your ass

I have had two people come in high as kites today, one of which I had to kick out. Fun day and it's only half done!

Couple walks in Woman "yeah it's cold. Give me your hoodie" Man "then I'll be cold" Woman just gives him That Look and he hands over the hoodie off his body. Good boy.

Dude bro "do you have ropes and stuff?" Takes him to said "ropes and stuff" Dude bro "do you have cheaper ropes?" Bro. You are tying a person up you gotta get the good ropes not the shit from the lumber store. He left without buying anything. God bless his partners skin

Support your local dildo dealer. Shop local! #SexShop #SmallBusinessSaturday #SexWorkIsWork

The hardest part of my job, by far, is choosing the music for the day

For the love of all that is holy,,,SPIT IS NOT LUBE

Me carrying my ice coffee in ungloved hands in 10 degree weather: "my fingies are cold"

There is nothing more boring than a sex shop that hasn't had a client in 2 hours

Now you too can say erection in 5 different languages

The bread shop next door just dragged in a giant bag of bread and cookies...it's a good day

Good boys are seen and not heard. If you need some help with that just let me know 😜

Labubus are EVERYWHERE

Suns out! Tits and dicks out too please!

Customer "do you sell lube?" Nope. We are a sex shop that doesn't sell any lube.

Today's music is "90s rainy day coffee house". Let's see how long it takes the guys in the tattoo shop to come up and beg me to change it

Do y'all have your fundies for the holidays yet?

Look at these Christmas cuties 🤩🥰

Absurd things alaskans say: Anything above -10 is fine Anything below -10 is cold

Just gonna borrow a line from that EMT guy...NO

In positive news - the winter light is hitting our disco ball!