Sigmund Freud walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'm gonna need to see your id."

Considering every mammal there is, humans are probably the worst at giving birth.

Realistic bath bomb: Rubidium

I wonder if anyone actually got fined $250,000 for selling a bootleg VHS.

A Spanish Inquisitor goes to a Fortune Teller's parlour. The fortune teller says, "I've been expecting you." The inquisitor responds, "Impossible!"

Don't trust statistics at face value. 15% of statistics are made up on the spot.

I was in a very elaborate sequence of near-misses yesterday, and I realized afterward that I have no sense of danger. I was worried in the moment, of course, because I didn't want to wreck the car. But about a minute after the ordeal, it suddenly dawned on me that "Oh dang, I almost died."

Somehow, even though SFX today can be procedurally generated with a technology that may not be named, I find the rudimentary rigging of non-CG SFX from the '80s to be more real-looking than the SFX of today.

I'm going to start spelling the study of animals as "zooölogy" and no one can stop me.

Nahuatl me whip. Nahuatl me nae nae.

I donated blood today, and it went pretty well. This time, I didn't become light-headed until AFTERWARD. Success!

Hallowe'en is the least-scary day of the year because you're expecting a surprise. April 1 is the most-scary day of the year because you're expecting a surprise.

You know how when you look at an unfamiliar script, you think to yourself, "all these symbols look the same; doesn't it get confusing?" Well, I just had that experience with my own handwriting...And no, even though all the symbols look the same, I was not confused.

A door is a temporary wall. A doorway is just a fancy hole.

Back in my day, when we wanted to accuse a photo of being faked, we called it "photoshopped."

The "unmute" button on social media videos should skip the video ahead a few seconds and drop you right when the teaching actually begins.

I find it funny that in 1994, a Swedish band made a song that makes fun of Americans, and it was so accurate that it became their unnoficial anthem.

It's not judgement, it's making fun. There's a difference.

Thank you, Google Search AI Overview. Not for providing me with accurate information, because you *definitely* didn't do that; but because you made me more avid about checking my facts and finding the right sources for my information, instead of relying on the top result.

Hey @vanillatweaks.net I noticed your website has a fun little soyjack variation of the trial vault. Many years ago, I made my own texture for the observer that I have been using ever since. The file says 2020, but I think it's older. What do you think? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (made for Programmer Art)

Sometimes I forget Luxembourg is a monarchy

I challenge someone to approach an English learner and try to explain to them the difference between "a piece of my mind" and "peace of mind."

Me: Says "Bering Strait." Auto Captions: "Bearing Straight?" Yes, that's definitely what you said. In context, it makes perfect sense.

Person A: [Shows a passion toward anything] Person B: "Have you ever been diagnosed with autism?"

There are people who can solve a Rubik's Cube in under 10 seconds, but it takes the average person 15 seconds to find the end of a roll of tape.

Random linguistical ramble Words with the prefix tele- can be separated by "initial stress" and "middle stress" Television Telegram Telekinesis Telephony Telepathy Telemetry I do see a pattern that ending in Y has some effect on the emphasis.

If I were a movie producer, I would obtain licenses for well-known songs, but I would never use the iconic part. Like, I'd get a license for AWOLNATION's Run, but I wouldn't use the bass drop. Or, Baha Men's Who Let The Dogs Out, but I'd never play the chorus. Just to mess with people....

Sometimes I mix up my East and West, which is weird because I never mix up my Left and Right, nor my North and South.

If you pronounce non-existant vowels when saying an acronym, congratulations, you just invented an abjad.

We should do away with the over-generalized film rating; PG, PG13, R. Instead, there should be content warnings, and grade of severity. Take Sunstance Use for example. How hard are the substances? Is it used by the MC? Does it happen on-screen? Some themes are more mature than others.

Etymologically speaking, avocados are technically a nut.

If I'm not supposed to keep my Social in my wallet, then why wallet-shaped?

#langsky I call upon yee with a simple yet brainracking question. Can you think of a word (not a proper noun) with more silent letters than the word "nightlight" (4 silent letters)

I usually don't like when "literally" is misused, but I don't mind if it's used as an approximation where its absence might be interpreted as an exaggeration. For example. "This will take 100 years." An exaggerated phrase. "This will take literally 100 years." You're allowed to be off by 5 years.

Warning: The following post is SUPER nerdy. So apparently, in the Minecraft font, the character U+2702 is modelled to look like the shears texture. I freaking love that detail 😂

Rule 34 of robotics: If it exists, it can run Doom. No exceptions.

Teacher: What is something that you point and shoot? Student 1: A cannon? Teacher: That works. Student 2: A Canon? Tracher: Also true.

There should be a universal pact. From here forward, if a Hollywood movie wants to have an anthropomorphized depiction of God, it should be required that Morgan Freeman play Him.

I love how "away" is an autoantonym. It can mean: 1. Not currently present 2. In the designated place

I gotta hand it to WD40. It sure can turn a loud rattley machine into a more efficient loud rattley machine.

I'm researching my options for what OS I'll pick when I switch to Linux. Ironically, I'm calling my research "Window shopping."

A long time ago, I was pondering the widespread popularity of rare Pokémon and how, within communities, in-game mons have their own value. Then one day I had a thought. What if there was some kind of authenticity token that each mon had? It would help against illegitimate mons.

2025 is already the worst year for aviation in the last several years. There have been more accidents in half a year than in the last two years combined. If current trends continue, I estimate we will have the worst year in aviation since 2001. Think about that.

Dear spiders: I don't mind you existing. Sometimes, you're all just chill little guys. But if you decide to startle me, I will squash you like a bug 🙂 Sincerely, —Me

I'm convinced that people don't know how to effectively leave 1-star reviews. I'm looking at a restaurant that I plan on visiting; reading the poor reviews, and the attached photos of the food all look incredible. Delicious. Like, what's with the 1-star? Fake review?

Phrase I'd like to coin: "Pub grub" n. - bar food; food that you'd find at a non-"ethic," non-fancy, nicer-than-casual restaurant.

This is an unusual hot take. Hollywood movies are made to feel immersive, trying to blur the line between reality and fiction as much as possible. British movies are made to feel more like plays; theatre; performances. They lean into the whimsy and make-believe, and in my opinion, it's more fun.

It is funny to me that many snake venoms are non-toxic and even edible to some degree. Counterintuition is hilarious.

There should be no reason that sticky notes shouldn't stick to a dusty wall. The dust is stuck to the wall, and the sticky note is stuck to the dust. Ergo, the sticky note should be stuck to the wall too. (In case you can't tell, I'm being ironic)

A lock, at most, will slow down someone who is not prepared. Nothing is indestructible.