I've been coughing so hard I haven't slept and I have bruises on my sternum and ribcage and I can't sleep and I need to sleep and I just want to sleep. please. some sleep

there are 3 types of friends. type 1: me, the psycho who sympathetically tilts her head & says "how'd you go, babe?" when her friend gets back from the toilet. type 2 says "what? ew amanda. don't" type 3, livi, will loudly go "oh it was ENORMOUS! I've called it bruce and I feel like a new woman"

god bless my beautiful forensic psych nurse father

this is what health funding cuts look like in the real world

there have been two kākā in my fingery craw drip plant thingy all day being noisy and aggro and I'm still sick so I took the blinds up once and went "oi" and they all went silent and embarrassed and now i feel silent and embarrassed

if you don't wake up with a dislocated hip twice a week I can't help you. am a fucking expert at yanking various joints back in though. hit me up I'll talk you through it

my nephew turned 15 and is delighted by the fact that he's taller and stronger than me. little shit. you're still 5 in my mind, how dare you pick me up and swing me around like I'm a bag of candy floss

I've tricked my dog into thinking her joint supplements are treats. we both feel awkward after she compliantly gobbles them down

so happy to be getting this done for the second time. apparently 1 in 100 turbinectomy patients have those sinus bones grow back. I'm 1 in 100 baby!!! at least I know what to expect this time. will also get my septum realigned and NOT JUST BECAUSE I'M A SCRAPPER

good morning. is the world ending today? Y/N

I have a visible bruise on my sternum from coughing so hard with this germy germ. I broke my entire left ribcage a few years ago falling through some rotten stairs. and I have somehow unhealed that injury from screaming hacking coughs that I have to lie down about

no need to be so dramatic

what would santorini do if it weren't four those four white buildings with blue roofs

half the fucking non flossing losers on tinder don't realise that what they're looking for is a sex worker. "seeking fwb, no strings attached hookups, please don't bring your feelings into it" sir I can put you in touch with my friend, her rates are reasonable but you are going to need to shower

I'm sorry if none of you have ever kicked a man out of your house for commenting negatively about how you have a shower curtain that is the Anonymous Note from Jersey Shore but I am unable to offer anything but solidarity

single and looking* *for someone to mop my flooring then immediately leave and never contact me again

americans banging on about spring again like the southern hemisphere doesn't exist. we don't believe in your spring sorry. it's autumn

I'm annoyed at the sheetweb spider who bit me. like SIR I am trying to help you get the fuck out of my shower and back outside. keep your wimpy fangs to yourself

I unashamedly love mafs au and have found myself in a fb gossip group about it. I know I suck, you don't have to say it. but this lady today went on a tirade about one of the women's body and clothing. I took a screenshot of her profile pic and was like "this you commenting on women's bodies?"

I hate to say it but I think my life's mission is just being a fucking bitch

everyone's like "you left x workplace so soon?" yes I hated every fucking minute of it and I was bored and life is short

god I haven't had a hacking horrendous cough and sore throat like this since I had covid. tested negative so why do I sound like a hag cursed me at birth and put Bella in the wych elm (if I was Bella)

During this incredible, unifying moment of inspiring international cooperation and spectacular technological achievement, I would really appreciate it if the US president would stop threatening to murder an entire country with bombs.

Reid Wiseman on #Artemis II: "We have Earth out window 4 and Moon out window 3... the Moon is about 3-4 times the size of the Earth and it is almost full, and the Earth is just a small crescent out there... it's magnificent... such a majestic view out here" Mission Control: "Amaze, amaze, amaze!"

Y'all there is a woman and a black man circling the moon and NASA's mission control+ science teams are so diverse and people are nerding out about science and exploration this is all a gigantic middle finger to the stupid and hate and grotesque ghouls running our country

So, to sum up, a couple of days ago Christina Koch became the first woman to see Earth in its entirety, and today – right now, in fact – she is the first woman to see the Moon up close, and the first woman to see the far side. 🥹

"Results from trapping and baiting were only gradual until aerial bait dropping started in 2015." 1080 makes all the difference. www.rnz.co.nz/national/pro...

nobody outside my whanau knows I have a little brother except me and my friend who had it off with him at my house once. I'd be like hey pals this is brother and they'd be like NO. actually yes. and we share a birthday and I've never forgiven him. he's a good dad but a little shit

my sister thinks it's weird that I lived with a wildly huge Japanese huntsman spider I called Lucy. but she's the one with a 22yo son living in her basement. I know which I'd prefer (no shade to darling sis. all shade to young unmotivated men)

I tried to remove a large horny male sheetweb spider from my bathroom for the scrillionth time but this time I got bit. normally their whole thing when you see them is "no you didn't" and sadly scrunch up in a panic. guess I got a bad boy. ok spider John travolta, I'm trying to help you bro

told a dude I got new hiking / tramping boots last year after retiring the ones from 2005. his response:

if my name was Israel I'd simply change it to isn'trael

I don't understand why we still close nearly every business every Easter. it's really fucking annoying. people want to garden and make good use of their time on rare days off and it's really hard for most people to do those chores while working full time

this fucking evangelist keeps posting proselytising bullshit in the neighbourhood pages. I'm so close to finding out where he lives so that I can throw dog shit at his house

heeee I nearly forgot about this show with 4 friends. fuck that was fun

I loved having my brother & nephew over yesterday for a bakery lunch, up from chch. & my dad ofc. my little bro is SUCH a good dad. a mix of being tender and loving, & not putting up with teenage shit. I get to see them again today bc my dad is taking us to the place he wants his ashes scattered lol

can men really not see how gross they are when they accuse women of having a "loaded gun" just because our dogs are carefully watching to make sure we're safe? look at this fucking idiot

still getting these fucking disgusting idiots proving my point

why have so many people dm'd me for being able to turn my feet comfortably in opposite directions. it's not a crime to be wrongly flexible

I have trekked solo and camped in extremely isolated places all over the world. Bear country, mountain lions, snakes, etc. The only time I have been in danger was twice when a pos man tried to assault me when they realised I was alone.

one of my most loved experiences diving was finding a hole surrounded by scallop shells & going oh shit there's an octopus in there. it was burgundy but changed colour to sandy grey when it crept out of the den to take a look at me. it held up a dozen or so scallop shells against itself like armour

oh no a man thinks I'm rude. what the fuck am I going to do. how will I survive

pretty sick of fucking mediocre dusty ass dudes speaking down to me

I don't know any men who keep a handsaw by their bed to protect them against intruders. me and half my mates do though. so maybe just shut the fuck up and listen instead of trying to tell me not all men are violent intruders. I fucking know that, idiot. show me where I said ALL men, cunt

Night Swimming by REM gives me such beautiful melancholy

dear god the men in my comments getting upset by a woman having a dog who watches out for her are hilarious. this is the same week that my friend is getting trauma treatment for the sudden physical abuse from a man she was dating for 3 years. I'll take the dog instead of the man in a heartbeat

I'm not sure if it's a positive thing that I don't feel fear. but I highly recommend a decade of kickboxing if you want to enjoy your life and intimidate men who try to intimidate you. anxiety and anger is a hell of a combo for keeping you alive

I had this dude over for a drink and told him to ignore the dog and not engage with her (she distrusts men). I also said she's insurance because the moment a man touches a hair on my head she'll rip him a new face hole. he said a couple of times that she was unnerving. YES. GOOD. EXCELLENT DOG

I gave myself a pretty bad second-degree burn on my arm a couple of weeks ago and that silver-infused bandage did the magic in settling down the infection and starting to heal it but now it's so itchy I want to cut my whole body off