ew it's gross being single. you immediately get 9 DMs and you say piss off cunt and they get upset

I don't EVER want to date anyone who has ever posted a picture on facebook of them and their friends having a drink with the caption "and so it begins" I honestly nearly broke up with someone about this

I honestly think I'll be happier and more calm if I am alone for the rest of my life. I don't want anyone else living in my house. I want to have dog. and I don't want to ask anyone to do anything. I can do it myself

the funny thing about breaking up with someone after 17 years is that nobody believes you. you can be like "well it was a few years coming" and your aunty will ring you crying and YOU have to calm HER down

we love a supportive dad

just so you know, I'm about to take the bins up the long driveway to the road and I'm going to be doing it in a dressing gown and gumboots like god intended

if you look very carefully you can see the subject replicated above

my dad has been over all morning. it's been great. he's almost profoundly deaf now so I have permission to be really loud and expressive and yell a lot and he likes it

if in doubt, poke the snout out

I have nearly died many times in my life once when mum took me & my sister wading at kariotahi beach in a rip before we knew about rips; she nearly lost both of us once falling silently into a large spa pool at a west auck party as a toddler. I distinctly remember watching the muted activity above

glad I just broke my fucking big toe on top of everything. anyway if anyone with a tow bar wants to buy a little tinnie hit me up

ok got a new apple (stolen from my mum) so the possum trap is going out again tonight. wish me luck! (but not the possum)

fucksake man the car was parked in the garage all day. the whole wide world is huge, why dont you do your bird shit there? also are you ok??? that poo looks violent as hell

anyway my petunias and snappies are staring to thrive and I have more than 40 passionfruits on the vine already

I stopped at my neighbour's house a couple of streets away while walking annie to tell him what an exquisite flower garden he has and how happy it makes me every time I go past. he immediately gave me a big bunch of long-stemmed yellow lillies! and we got home just before the rain & thunder started

out walking and my dog sticks her face in a bush outside someone's home and goes rigid. a split second later a ginger cat paw whips out & slaps her in the face, she's tryna scrap and I try to drag her away then this SECOND ginger tom runs out from under a car and jumps on her bum with its claws

nice this year not to sit around a heap of kids & young teens tearing apart 7613 gifts of plastic, one after the other, no pleases or thank yous. even for cash it was just "is that all??" or "yess, money!" & onto the next present. almost an out of body experience for me (I did not grow up like that)

Even though I said NO PRESENTS PLEASE, I WAS MADE REDUNDANT FOR XMAS & AM LIVING A POVO LIFE TIL I GET JOB IN NEW YEAR in the group chat & told everybody and they all said NO WORRIES WE'RE ALL MINDING OUR BUDGETS THIS YEAR, they still all fn got me something while I got nobody anything lolol fml

is it ok to bring a rando to a family xmas? my relative brought this chap she's teaching english to and while we all know his name that's it. my cousin was fuming

when my dog finally got to sleep after the fireworks stopped she had doggie sleeptalking time. the end is extra cute 😍 sound on!

this fuckin dude followed me nearly all way home from my sister's place tonight, tailgating me the entire time with his horrible extra bright LED headlights. so irritating. he didnt change lanes until the Lincoln off ramp where he pulled up beside me screaming abuse and gesturing aggressively

paknsave on Christmas eve was one of the worst ideas I've ever had

I had an appointment yesterday and she asked me how my childhood experiences of generational violence had affected me and I was like I dunno? one time at a music festival a guy groped my friend and I tackled him to the ground and repeatedly smashed his face into the dirt but that's normal isn't it?

ASB proactively contacted me last night about fraudulent activity on my chq account. I was like wtf are you talking about, then checked and a construction industry job site I'd paid what I thought was a one-off $4.99 had started charging me $79.99 a week. a bank did good for once

when those anti-abortion Christian fanatics used to protest at the dominion rd abortion clinic during lent and I'd take time off work to stand near them with a "keep your faith out of my fanny" sign barely a day went past when they didn't assault me. I'm a scrapper so it was actually great fun

walking the dog today I saw two ladies by the dairy get their umbrella blown inside out and give up and stuff it in a bin - why is it such a delight to watch. why's it so good and silly

why is the worst thing in the world people distracted on their phones at the lights, nearly missing the right turn arrow and being the only car who gets through while everybody toots and seethes

guys I'm running out of space in the compost to put all the dead possums I've been trapping

"i haven't eaten in a week. it's worrying" relatives: I wish I had your problem me: I don't think this problem is a positive one relatives: at least you'll lose weight me: I'm not aiming for that relatives: take the W manda can they not actually shut the fuck up? is that illegal or something

why does my dog smell like takeaways

the sooner you acknowledge that your dad is just some fucking guy, the sooner you get rid of daddy issues lol

I don't think I've eaten in a week. Anyone got any advice on this

just so you know, my dog did the most abhorrent fart a few seconds ago and stared into my eyes like we were lovers. she remains my darling but holy shit girl that was an intense move

I wish everyone had a mum that comes over at 9pm to watch Get Out with you when you're not doing so well

job interview today - "I see here on your CV that your personal interests include walking the dog - can we please see the dog?" yes of course - here she is "oh she's gorgeous. such a long girl. the ear freckles! thanks for that. OK moving on - how long have you had this dog"

god I look fucking incredible for my job interview today. nobody gave me permission I just did it myself

I desperately want to have friends and family at my house at the moment for some sort of party but it really conflicts with my urgent need to put up bunting that says "please leave by 9pm"

colleague: "i'm not putting that shit in my daughter's body" ok, well I nearly died of swine flu in 2007 & wish I'd had that shit in my body "just makes it WORSE, I always get the flu from the flu shot I guarantee you that if it was worse than the shot we wouldn't be having this conversation

Donald Trump isn't just the worst, most compulsive and destructive leader ever in western civilisation - he's the most stupid too. what a horrendous combination As an 80s 90s baby I can't believe I'm watching the United States of America crumble in real time

me and my friend who also won't be doing a full family christmas are going to call each other at 3pm and comment on each other's bodies and criticise what we're wearing and what we're doing in life while they drink cheap champagne with one jandal on

did you know it's entirely legal to put a $ limit on your family's christmas presents? you can literally just say "I'm doing a $20 limit this year and it has to be edible, drinkable or wearable" and everyone breathes a sigh of relief. I do not need another inspiring book or steampunk fridge magnet

I love my neighbourhood groups. this weekend we had a "garage sale freebie" type of post. the fucking cheek of some people is delightful though. "I'm after a king mattress. preferably not used. NO STAINS. will only take from smoke-free pet-free home. must be delivered between 2pm-3pm Monday"

it's cool having a niche skillset and track record and all but super annoying when recruiters try to recruit you for pocket shit you might have done when you were 20 for spare cash. please respeck

Billy Joel's Piano Man is right up there with Vivaldi and Chopin as one of the best pieces ever to be composed. fight the fuck outta me about this

what i miss most about lockdowns isn't the crippling anxiety and exceedingly stressful workload. just the daily routine where me and livi would make our pets have zoom calls with each other

I'm up early because I placed my timms trap on the top of my little garden shed that has a tin roof and weighed it down with a brick and I got the possum and me and the dog both scrempt ourselves awake when it all came tumbling down right outside my bedroom just now. another one bites the dust

my dog has a seboma which I've had aspirated twice (just clear yellowish fluid) & it seems painless (I can fuck with it & she rolls around on her back on the driveway all the time but the anxiety in me wants it gone so bad lol. she hates the vet so I won't take her there specifically to get it out

lol I'm sitting in my car at the dairy and this guy just leaned on my bonnet to pop open his blue V and I parped the horn just for fun and he flew out of his skin like a cartoon. a+++

had a very nice job interview today on teams! on top: lovely black blouse with scoop neck, subtle earrings, a touch of makeup, hair looking fresh and clean and tied back in a professional ponytail down below: undie

I'm listing all of you guys as referees on my job applications hope that's ok