Omg I actually upload sometimes whattt youtu.be/1lUfjdtLQ_U?...

Are neurotypical people actually able to just repeat "it'll be okay/it'll work itself out" in the face of blatantly not okay things and that actually help the feelings or is my dad just genuinely stupid? I genuinely can't tell anymore 💔

Crashed out like an hour and a half ago, and it made me more awake than I've been for the entire year (inconveniently exactly when I needed to go to sleep but whatever)

Love when I think I'm just going between houses and then we stop by a place to get food and I'm just standing there in shorts and short sleeves while my anxiety is ramping up because literally any part of my body is showing and god damn it why is my brain like this

If I had a nickel for every time a signed Good Kid vinyl came in the mail when I didn't expect it to be signed, I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice

There's some cruel irony in me wanting to do content creation but then turning around and having a fear of being watched (irl) :P

Sometimes I wonder if the people that I know irl that have my discord (but I don't rly talk to) know I'm trans and just ignore it bc I'm still very closeted irl or if they just haven't checked it (or if we just don't talk and there's no reason for it to come up lol)

Fucked up and evil gender dysphoria vs based and awesome Can We Hang Out Sometime (new Good Kid album) (CWHOS is actually winning, and this dysphoria has been whooping my ass for weeks now. Good Kid remains my undisputed goat)

As expected, Can We Hang Out Sometime (Good Kid) is peak. Somehow, though, I underestimated the extent to which it was peak. Full album is incredible, not a single skip imo (though maybe I'll listen more to the songs that weren't released as singles just bc I've heard them less already)

Why does my brain only work at full capacity when there's a deadline within a few hours? I swear I've been thinking at like twice the speed I was earlier today when working on the same project, and the only thing that's changed is the time.

I got too locked in on editing a silly yapping video and forgot it was a wednesday night until it was suddenly thursday morning (it's just midnight but still why am i like this)

someone asked 'why are the food stamps through the department of agriculture,' and it was a genuine reflex when I said 'because that's where the food comes from,' there were zero thoughts in between dumbest part is that this was like the smartest person in that class and maybe my entire grade 💔

Should I go to prom? I don't have anyone to go with and lord knows I'm too awkward to ask anyone or do anything normal there, but I could stand in the corner with my rubik's cube and just vibe in an uncomfy suit ig (I will die if I go in a dress, the closet is too cozy to leap out like that)

This week almost answered the question, "How loud can you scream internally before it becomes external?" (for various reasons) for me

"Why am I so anxious all the time?" I ask before opening youtube to a thumbnail that says, "You should be WORRIED" in big, bold text

I fear dysphoria is kicking my ass and I've stayed up too late for like 3 nights in a row

I keep having my worst dysphoric moments whenever there's a crap ton of work I need to do and it really sucks bc it's hindering my focus the one time I need it lmao I do think there's a decent chance that it's bc the stress from other stuff makes it harder to push down the dysphoria but who knows

I might backtrack on this but I think she/her feels more right now so I'm gonna try just using that for a bit :3

Thinking abt how a girl literally said "I love you" and then started praising me out of nowhere and my autistic ass still went "yeah it's probably like part of the joke"

For a while, I've been trying to figure out how much of me using she/they pronouns instead of she/her was trying to be people pleasing or a real identity thing for me. Any time I debate only using she/her, I wonder if it's just because it would blend in more (even though I def prefer it) - 🧵 ig

I need a button on yt that disables drama videos bc no matter how many times I click "not interested" they keep showing up and frankly I need an escape outlet from being serious irl

My laptop goes down from like full to 6% WHILE ON ENERGY SAVER in like 30 minutes 😭 I'm not even doing anything intensive, it's just youtube and cstimer 💔

It drives me insane seeing kids commenting stuff like "I'm about to turn 13 (or younger)" because (apart from putting themselves at physical risk and having no clue about it) being on the internet has singlehandedly been the thing that has fucked me up most in life (🧵ig)

once again becoming really self conscious about my voice so if I start sounding different soon that's why lmao

I swear I have the deepest conversations with the silliest people, and it's always so out of left field bc one second we're joking around about ChatGPT trained exclusively on Tumblr, and the next we're talking about self improvement and balance in life

y'all ever have those days where you're so zoned out that you forget any of it happened and expect today to happen tomorrow? or yesterday idrk. it feels like every day of the week at once right now lmao i should sleep maybe

WHY IS CODING SO HARDDDDDDD

Learning to code will make me the greatest streamer of all time fr fr (I do need people to set it off though lmao)

Got my Good Kid cassettes & jacket big bundle thing that I ordered idek how long ago and it's so dope dude (after I figured out how the heck a cassette player works, I'm not that unc lol)

I feel genuinely lighter after submitting that assignment... why do I keep procrastinating these things again??

I'm such a contradiction to myself because how am I simultaneously using the maximum amount of sources just for the sake of it and also procrastinating until the night the assignment it due??

There's no way I just started procrastinating by scrolling through my own bluesky posts bro, I cannot be real 💔 ts is due in 3 hours btw (it should be done in time but, omg I shouldn't be pushing it this close, it's the first major essay and I've already missed hella assignments)

I sure do love having an anxiety episode when I need to be cramming an essay that makes it really hard to focus :D /s

ain't nothing you can do to make mfs assume you're a woman on the internet 💔

I didn't realize how much of an effect school was having on me until I just looked in the mirror and my face looked like a whole corpse bro

Somehow, despite having the help of a literal professional coder and like 4 hours, my fun little 15-minute coding adventure for stream did not get complete In my defense, I never learned python

"why isn't that making a variable??" I ask myself as I type into my .txt file 💀

Btw I don't think school ever taught me that Puerto Rico was a US territory. I know that shit because my aunt thought there were 53 states at Thanksgiving one year, and we had to decipher how in the world she came to that conclusion

Can't wait to watch several hour-long video essays breaking down the superbowl halftime show bc my Spanish is not as good as I like to think it is and my knowledge of pretty much anything related to Puerto Rico is embarrassingly little

They should add colored broken heart emojis

I shouldn't be allowed to look through old messages with people I don't talk to anymore (especially ones I'd vent to) because ew why was I like that

Thinking about if it's worth it to try to manually make a Spanish dub of my videos. It wouldn't be too difficult with some of them, but the ones with friends would be rough because they don't speak Spanish and it's just a lot of work that I don't want to put them through

I zoned out cubing with an album on and zoned back in to the verse "They give their praises from a safe distance / Despite this, I begin to think / If I just faded from this existence / Would it even change anything?" and, as someone who has been there before, I had a physical reaction to that shit

mfs say "fuck pronouns" but personally I just really hate syntax like what were we thinking when we made language and did that shit

Today, I learned that I have diagnosed anxiety. I didn't get diagnosed today, I just didn't know I had the diagnosis 😭 I think it came from the Autism assessment because they checked for a few other things like ADHD but ig I just didn't realize that one was over the threshold lol

Bluesky fam! I'm launching Ruff Justice, a nonprofit to help the scores of surrendered dogs in CA and need your help. Please donate and share! www.zeffy.com/en-US/peer-t... @weratedogs.com @fishtopher.bsky.social @missybbbobtail.bsky.social @morgfair.bsky.social #dogsofbluesky #dogsky #kidlit

I was in a call where everyone else went afk for like 30 minutes and I got possessed into making this skin I love alt fashion like this so once I actually get my money up I gotta find somewhere that makes it and isn't like a child labor sweatshop or smth because fuck that

FINALLY GOT A SUB-30 WOOO :D

I've had 2 nosebleeds, a headache, and a stomach ache today... I love winter weather :D /s

I got such a genuine jumpscare when I refreshed youtube and saw "World Record 3x3 Rubik's Cube Average: 3.84" and just now I went back to check and apparently it's been sub-4 and I never heard about it 😭 (or I just forgot, my memory's kinda dogwater)