And by all the way off we mean right to the tip of fucking Greenland where we hope you either freeze to death or a goddamn polar bear eats you. Fucking piece of slime

This is the proper reaction. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

Bovino is lying

There are reports that Donald Trump is so angry about the blowback about his comments about the lukewarm support of allies in Afghanistan, that he was about to kick a reporter but he didn't dare to because of his very authentic and serious condition of bone spurs in his foot. God bless his restraint

I really think it's an exaggeration to call Donald Trump a dictator. I believe we have authoritatively heard from Stormy Daniels that he's a dicmushroom

But unless you're stuck inside one of the intestines of that badger, you should be okay

JD Vance himself, with his best black eyeliner on, has made a trip to Minnesota to assess things. He said that ice is doing an incredible job, and yes they are, and the other sense of incredible, in the sense that it's hard to believe that in a democratic country this is happening

I've already read the news that he's not dead yet, but I've also heard reports that three of his staff have died overnight of embarrassment due to his speech at Davos

🩸🩸🩸 THIS IS WHAT AN INSURRECTION LOOKS LIKE NEVER FORGET: Instead of honoring our Constitution's key principle of a Peaceful Transfer of Power, POS Donald Trump Abused his Power on Jan 6th by inciting this violent & deadly attack on our country's Capital and should be in prison for life 🩸🩸🩸

I listened to snippets of Trump's Davos speech thanks to @meidastouch.com . Let me be certainly not the first person to say, he is not fucking well. He's a babbling fool. He doesn't know anything. Hopefully he's in the last stages of something and will no longer be of this world soon. But then

💯👇‼️‼️‼️‼️ they all need the knee pads Newsome mentioned

It's a sunny day in St John's, Newfoundland, Canada. Both Samuel Johnson and Queen Elizabeth II approve

The second episode of my new podcast, Different Shapes, is now available wherever you get podcasts. Enjoy this clip!

Trump explaining to the Mexican president that he prays every night for bigger hands

To all Senators and Congressmen, Trump should really be removed BEFORE he invades an ally nation. NOT AFTER. Impeach, 25th amendment, whichever... just make it so!

Prime Minister Mark Carney has to refuse to join this so-called peace committee. Firstly, I don't want Canada paying a fucking billion dollars in order to join some shitshow that orange head is putting together. It's a ragtag group ranging from his brother-in-law to Putin. Also, and you won't be

I think one of the tipping points for the coming authoritarian demise of the United States was one that we kind of hardly didn't even notice. And that was when some of the richest and most prestigious universities in the world gave in to Trump just so they could not have their subsidies threatened

The rumor is that when the Trump administration is eventually overthrown or falls apart due to its own primal incompetence, they're all going to get together and form enough of the staff to open up their own Staples. They all look good in red. They all like to play with shiny things.

Keep this to yourself but I actually had sex with Christy Nome last night. She told me to spell her name that way. It was almost all interrupted by a puppy outside the room just as we were kind of getting down to business. I lay back frustrated but she went outside & suddenly there was silence

I wonder who's ultimately going to win the battle to be the official propaganda network for the Trump administration. Fox has a long head start but CBS is making some headway with their recent appointment. Have to say that my bed is with Fox because everyone there is about the same level of dumb

It's getting to the point where I'd prefer to have JD Vance as the president, and the only thing holding me back is that he still hasn't perfected his application of his makeup yet. Take a look at your boss, JD. Perfect gold foundation every morning. And look at your stupid eyeliner. Come on man

Does Donald want a room of balls because he doesn't have any of his own?

I just hope the American economy doesn't go to total shit and the country revert to pathetic democracy before Mr Trump gets his beloved ballroom build next to the White House. I mean, this is a man who knows priorities more than the rest of us mere humans. Please Lord, help the ballroom project

I just posted Donald Trump on truth social to let him know that I would like to pay the billion dollars to become a permanent member of that peace committee that he set up. I can only pay $100 right now but I definitely will have the rest by the end of the month

America is becoming one of the shithole countries that Donald Trump in his first term said he refused to visit. What an embarrassment of a president. What an embarrassment of a Republican Congress. And Americans, you obviously need to do more. This fucker is going to get us all killed

In order to come little baby Donnie Trump down, just remind him that he has the soccer peace prize and he has that real one that that nice Latina lady keep to him because she pity him because his little teeny fingers and his little tiny penis were hurting because he didn't get his prizey wizey

I don't believe the race of each of the members of the couple is necessary in this story

I'm concerned about the whole business going on with Greenland. Jesus Christ, can someone not just tie Trump to a table or something? In the end though I think he will taco, that is, Trump always chickens out. He had already said he would attack. He's backed off on that. He will let this go

@google for the love of God, please enable users to remove the clutter from new tab pages. It's a mess there now and we are used to clean design from Google. YouTube is another exception. Are you ever going to organize that on a proper way. It's a mess now. Do you have to force me to engage?

Design is important and everything. One of the worst designed apps that I have on my phone anyway is the one for IMDb. It's very difficult to logically navigate and it's just chock full of ads all over the place. Just horrific

It's hard of course not to see the point that this cartoon since it's written all over the dog. This strikes be as very lazy and old-fashioned. Yes it's important to make a complicated point sometimes but you had to be a little bit nuanced about it. You can't be pointing out everything

The first episode of my new podcast was published yesterday and is now available wherever you get podcasts, or here, differentshapes.buzzsprout.com. Each week I satirically debunk something that's overrated. The first episode is about Italian food.

Pam Bondi has just announced that the Epstein files are being reviewed and redacted by an external firm call Godot Industries. The files were sent out about 3 weeks ago, but they are still waiting to get them back

In celebration of hockey day in Canada, I will be getting into a fist fight with someone at brunch and we will both be thrown out of the restaurant #hockeyday

On a hot mic during an interview with Vogue magazine, the first lady Melania Trump accidentally said that her husband hasn't had an insurrection in about a year and a half.

Trump tried to annex Melania for his usual two and a half minutes last night, but she told them that it was illegal for him to invade her sovereign territory. He went off to the oval office and self annexed

Perhaps instead of renaming the department, Pete hegseth could get either a penis enlargement or Corvette.

Every single day. IT IS ALL ABOUT EPSTEIN and hiding the actual facts and details about the numerous investigations #ReleaseALLTheEpsteinFiles

Is there a sadder & more terrifying thing to see as you pass by your computer monitor on your way to make coffee in the morning, that the familiar screensaver twirling clock is gone, but there's been a restart, and so Microsfot has been up to something. I always worry, what have they fucked up now?

Pride cometh before the fall but disappointment and anger come in about the middle of winter

@zoeygipson132.bsky.social so you have tits. Big deal. Almost 100% of the women do.

There should never be headlines like this. The fact that the US is not going to intervene in another country should be assumed. In passing, Trump is describing a dreamy head last night involving fried chicken

This really has to stop. What I mean is that this community knows that it's on a floodplain and every single year it gets flooded. The people need to move somewhere else. I'm tired of my tax dollars being used to support people who live in effectively uninhabitable places

Can we get Donald Trump on the set of a movie of which Alec Baldwin is the executive producer, and let's just see what happens. Maybe someone gets shot in the face, maybe someone doesn't. Worth a try though

I read a headline that Donald Trump was dead, but my brief moment of exhilarated joy was destroyed when the headline went on to say that it only meant that he was dead on the inside. Jesus Christ, I've known that for months

It's a sunny day in St John's, Newfoundland, Canada, and my little plastic figurine of Queen Elizabeth II, carrying a little purse with a solar powered panel in it, is waving a little more. Long live the queen. Actually: please abolish the monarchy.

I love the different categories of fucks. Perhaps my favorite one is the sweet flying fuck. I often don't give it

The U.S. added just 50,000 jobs in December and only 584,000 in all of 2025 — the worst year for job growth outside a recession since 2003. Nearly 85% came by April. After that? Stagnation. Don’t be distracted — they’re driving the economy into the ground.

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