Everyone should have to explain a puzzling poem in college, it should be required to graduate, and it has to be a good explanation

I'M JUST A POOR GIRL NOBODY LOVES ME

What do I think of the Falcons? They have big Penix energy.

If you die and you're dead a few days and someone resurrects you and then kills you again, was that technically murder? Since you were dead after all.

Most of the time I don't know if I'm onto something or on something.

OK you guys every time they said Penix did this or Penix did that in the game today I snickered like a 7th grader.

I could quit taking drugs but my mama didn't raise no quitter

I'm a good computer programmer, but not "use a Mac laptop to hack an alien ship" good.

Got back home at half past ten That baby of mine wouldn't let me in So move it on over Move it on over Move over little dog, 'Cause the big dog's moving in soundcloud.com/sarah-walker...

Does everyone get horny enough to fuck the nearest lamppost during ovulation, or is it just me

You can call me the One True Sarah-nator if you're not into the whole brevity thing

I'm hot and I can sing, what more do people want from me?!?! Right???!

I just took a couple Tylenol so if I start acting more autistic than I am already, you know what happened

How is "men in skates beating the living fuck out of each other" season coming along?

When a bot gives you a compliment, do they really mean it, or are they just trying to get in your pants???

Me airdrumming and headbanging to "Thunderstruck" by AC/DC

I thought Trump was supposed to be the free speech president??! You guys, I'm starting to think this dickhead doesn't believe in anything except stealing everything that isn't nailed down

Some of us like a little bit of hair pulling, why do you think I grew mine out so long??

Release the mother-lovin' Epstein files!

Do you believe spacefaring aliens have (or continue to) visit Earth? Why or why not?

I like being with people who are smarter than me because they make me smarter by their presence.

Me cosplaying business executive

What governs the color of shoes different football players wear? Just personal preference?

Trump is sending a strong message that if you act to restrain him or hold him accountable, you will be prosecuted on a made-up charge.

Most people just need more love. Some people need to get their ass kicked. But MOST people just need more love.

Got a nice salad to maintain my girlish figure, and now drowning it in salad dressing 😂

Guys who flip out when you say no are the ones who would be dangerous in real life

Are YOU a little Lebowski urban achiever?

I will admit this, though: if I lived 400 years ago, I would definitely get burned at the stake.

I don't have any magic powers. If I did, I wouldn't be a broke chick getting saddle-drug by life.

Concern about a partner's financial condition is rational. Concern about whether a partner has large boobs is not. Ijs.

Would you rather be right, or would you rather bury your face in these titties and tell me how pretty I am?

I love friendship

How many pictures of yourself can you have in a single room before you are a hopeless narcissist? Please tell me seven or eight is OK

You remember when you were a kid how it was exciting when the doorbell rang? Like who could it be?? What's the word for being the exact opposite of that?

Proposal: Christian rock album entitled "Fuck the Devil"

Run baby, run baby, run away Run baby, run, escape L.A Who do you love, you wouldn't know Well, I'm here to give atomic flow I am the one, demon red American Dreams explode in my head soundcloud.com/sarah-walker...

If I could fly into the giant black hole in the center of the galaxy and live tweet it, in a reasonable amount of time, I totally would

I THINK THERE SHOULD BE SOMETHING in science called the "reindeer effect." I don't know what it would be, but I think it'd be good to hear someone say, "Gentlemen, what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect." -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.

It's dusk...it's my witching hour.

Typos can chap my ass for days

I've never had Five Guys before, but I think three would do just fine.

Underboob used to be daring, now it's a given.

Imagine the set of numbers that can be finitely represented in any positive, integral base (base 2, 3, 4, 5, ..., 10, ..., n); call this set A. Set B is all other real numbers. Which set is bigger?

Is the number of numbers that can be represented by a finite decimal series, finite or infinite?

Never tell a girl how she should feel. It never works out well. Like ever.

My life is like a browser with 1000 tabs open and if you open some of those tabs a Claymore mine will blow up and I have ebola and my eyes are bleeding. In my dreams, the ice weasels come.

Sometimes you guys make me laugh. In a good way.

Anything is possible, provided its probability is > 0