Whatever u ask the Universe for under this post, u will get by September 29.

America will never be the same.

life tip : if nothing goes right go to sleep

adulting is realizing you can’t skip work like you skipped class

once i feel unheard‚ i just stop speaking.

Phones are wild… we really just sit around tapping glass all day.

cleaning your glasses is like changing from 360p to 1080р

Thank you for your attention to this matter. That's it. That's the post.

Take a shower before World War 3 starts. You don’t want to die crusty.

Condom companies are the only businesses that actively stop the birth of their future customers.

is ChatGPT down for anyone else? i’m mid-argument with my wife and need a Shakespeare level apology fast.

There is no greater moment of empathy and understanding as a man seeing another man get hit in the balls.

Why do balls have that stitch line in the middle

Remaining single for at least a year after a serious break up can help you transition easier into a new relationship.

When you have a human biology exam, your brain knows all the answers but it doesn't tell you any.

Getting very drunk is way more fun than being very drunk.

Never make the same mistake twice. There are so many other mistakes to explore!

Sexual tension is more fun than the sex itself.

A baby's first cry after birth is the human brain’s startup sound.

Too many people confuse sex with love.

You can drink a drink, but cant food a food.

Just another day of not being hot and rich.

Arguing with smart people is hard, but arguing with stupid people is impossible.

If you want to shine like a sun, first burn like a sun. - A. P. J. Abdul Kalam

Remember, girls who say, "A lot of guys are after me", should keep in mind that low prices always attract a lot of customers.

Growing up is realizing that there are conflicts you just can't win even if you're right.

You hate your alarm both when it works and when it doesn’t.

The things you do for yourself are gone when you are gone, but the things you do for others remain as your legacy.

You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of skill. The goal is to fill the bag of skills before the bag of luck empties.

My faith in humanity is so low that I look both ways before crossing a one way street.

Yesterday is gone. Today is okay. Tomorrow will be better.

You probably saw a person today who you will never see again for the rest of your life.

People are trying to go to Mars while there are still plenty of people who don't have access to water.

Wrestling is a sport where two men with no pants fight for a belt.

A completely different version of you exists in the minds of everyone you meet.

It’s a shame we can’t donate body fat to those in need.

The richest people on Earth are trying to leave the planet rather than fix it.

Most people live life as a cycle of trying to make it to the next weekend.

One minute of Elon Musks income would set an average worker for life.

Dates are just interviews for sex.

Logically, there are two ways around any problem. Solve it, or change the parameters.

Happy New Year! - Time to screw up the date on paperwork for the next 3 to 4 weeks.

Trying new food isn't the problem, it's paying for food you might not like.

People don’t fake depression, they fake being okay.

Dogs destroy shoes because that’s what we put on before we leave.