connie, while under cover in Marley: I’m a scientist. Marleyan: A scientist? What kind? connie: I’m sorry, I don’t understand. Marleyan: What's your field of study? connie: Science.

mikasa: Let’s stop saying butthurt, we aren’t 12 anymore. floch: You sound a little asstroubled jean: A little bootybothered if you ask me. eren: Someone’s having a tushytantrum. levi, under his breath: Bum bummed.

levi: You need to eat healthier. eren: No. levi: The last person who didn't eat healthier after I told them to died. armin: Oh my god. levi: From bullet wounds. eren: That sounds unrelated. levi: I shot the gun. Do not disobey me.

eren: I don’t have “anger issues”, you guys make me angry and that’s the issue.

levi: What’s sexting? jean: I'm not having this conversation with you.

jean: Heh, eren sneezes like a girl. eren: How about I pound you like a boy? eren: That didn’t come out right.

levi: It doesn’t have a bone. connie: Then why is it called a boner?

armin: I love saying 'fuck me' because it can either be sexual or self-loathing and those are two things that describe me perfectly.

armin: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming? levi: Can everyone in this godforsaken squad please learn the skill called "Think Before You Speak"? eren: Ya know... it might be.

floch, writing in their diary with a glitter gel pen: I'm losing my sense of humanity. Nothing matters. God is dead. There's blood on my hands.

eren: If I die first, promise to wait up for me, okay, mikasa? mikasa: Oh, eren. When I die, I’m taking you with me. eren: I can’t tell if that’s a threat or a compliment. mikasa: I’d think of it more as a grim inevitability.

armin: floch, we tried things your way. floch: No, we didn't. armin: I did it in my head and it didn't work.

levi: Why are you on fire? armin: This is just how my day is going.

mikasa: Let’s not eren this into a worse situation than it already is. eren: Did you just use my name as a verb?

jean: Happy Throwback Thursday! Here’s a throwback to when connie ate an entire tube of lipstick. connie, whining: But why would it be cherry-flavored if you can’t eat it?!

connie: We can bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4000 degrees for 1 minute. armin: No, that's not how u make cookies. jean: floor it. floch: How about 4000000 degrees for 1 second? levi: UR GONNA BURN THE HOUSE DOWN-

armin, pointing a camera at jean: There he is, our sweet baby. jean, holding a cigarette and a beer: What-?

eren: Don’t you have any dignity, connie? connie: Uh, no.

mikasa: Do you cook? connie: I made a cake once. armin: Yeah, it was good. connie: Really? armin: Don’t make me lie twice, connie.

armin: Stop setting things on fire because you're curious about what will happen. What will happen is fire. floch: But what if something else happens just this one time.

armin: What are your three best qualities? eren: I’m hot, I have soft hair, and sometimes I cry because I love my friends.

connie What does “take out” mean? mikasa: Food. jean: Dating. floch: Murder. levi: It can be all three if you’re brave enough.

jean: So what do you have planned for the future? armin: Lunch. jean: No, like long term. armin: Oh...um, dinner?

eren: I'm so tired of this life. I want to be a roomba. I want knives taped to me. And I want to be set loose.

jean: Look, do I consider myself attractive? Yes. But would I have sex with my clone? Also yes.

floch: jean, I am nothing if not a man of principle. floch: Now let’s break into this apartment.

floch: This bloodline ends with me. jean: That's the fanciest way I've ever heard someone say "I'm gay".

mikasa: I’m doing what I can to jog your memory. eren: It’s jogging, I guess. Its tiddies are jiggling a little. connie: Nice.

eren: *banging a pen on the table out of frustration* armin: Stop that. How would YOU feel if I banged you on the table? eren: I— eren: I don’t know the correct answer to that question.

jean: When was the last time you cried? armin: Uh 15 minutes ago, why?? floch: really? That recent? armin: Yeah *voice crack* is that a issue? *starts crying again*

jean, gesturing to levi: eren, look what you did! You made Dad upset! connie: Dad, please don’t cry, we’re sorry! eren: I’m sorry Dad... :( levi: I DON’T REMEMBER GIVING BIRTH TO ANY OF YOU

*connie is cleaning the house and he finds an empty bottle of orange juice* connie: Clear orange juice? connie: Oh, it's empty. armin, who has been watching the entire time: I live with an idiot. I live with an idiot. I live with an idiot.

jean: Can I ask you for a favor? floch: I would literally die for you, but continue. eren: We need to talk about you starting sentences that way.

jean, to floch and eren: *holding knife out in front of them* Are you or are you not an enemy of the people?! eren: ... floch: ... eren: That is such an open-ended question. floch: Yeah, it really depends on a lot of different factors-

levi: I need to cover my body in medicated shampoo. jean: So that’s where he’s at right now.

jean: You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol. You treat an inside wound with drinking alcohol.

armin: Someone care to explain why we have 6 dogs in our base? connie: They're golden retrievers, dude. They retrieve gold. I did this for us.

jean: I'm never having a debate with armin again, he literally started his argument with "Riddle me this."

eren: I got extra paperwork for a whole week just because I came home late. levi: Well, you deserved it. I mean, getting everyone's hopes up like that and then showing up again.

the Squad at Disneyland, in the teacups armin, mikasa, and levi: *spinning a little and talking* floch, jean, and eren: *flying past them, spinning as fast as they can, screaming*

jean: You tricked me! eren: I deceived you. ‘Trick’ makes it sound like we have a friendly relationship.

armin: What’s it like being tall? armin: Is it nice? armin: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards? jean: We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb 4 chairs, 2 boxes, a small coffee table and 6 oddly placed stools to get what they want. levi: It was one time

mikasa: Gatekeep, girlboss, and what's the other one again? armin: There isn't another one. You're crazy.

floch: I intend to stay pissed at you forever. floch: Even if I seem helpful. jean: Then you're in luck. jean: Because you don't.

jean: Do you feel any better? floch: I feel much better now that you here with me. *armin walks in* floch: I feel half better.

armin to historia, who’s about to get married: Today, two families are becoming one. connie, in an ominous voice: Two families enter, one family leaves. floch: That sounds so threatening… jean: The Wedding Games… eren: May the bouquet toss be ever in your favor. historia: Beautiful.

eren: *tapping fingers on table* armin: *taps fingers back furiously* jean: …What’s going on? mikasa: Morse code. They’re talking. armin: -.-- ..- .-. / - …. . / -.-. ..- - . … - eren: *slams hands on table* YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

armin: There’s no “I” in team, but there is one in pizza. eren: So, you’re not going to share? armin: I’m not going to share.

jean: Why would you give a gun to floch?! connie, shrugging: floch felt unsafe. jean: Now I feel unsafe! connie: I’m sorry… connie: Would you like a gun?

armin: It's locked. You got a lock pick? eren: Yeah- levi: *kicks in the door*