Randystwin
@randystwin.bsky.social
📤 78
📥 79
📝 388
"I've waited an eternity for you, my muse" I whisper to my order of fries
28 days ago
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Tomorrow seems like a great day to get day drunk and watch wrestling
about 1 month ago
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"I wish the universe would give me a sign" *looking at the coffee grounds at the bottom of my mug shaped like a skull* "Man I should wash this"
about 1 month ago
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What new stupid online thing can I latch onto today to avoid the horrors of reality?
about 1 month ago
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Is there actually a Leviathan that is going to destroy humanity or do we just hope there is one?
about 1 month ago
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Taking the power back by having my phone on silent all of the time. I will perceive you when I deem it fit
about 1 month ago
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You will know you have made my inner circle when I make memes about things that you say
about 1 month ago
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Was the Ring of Power based on The Ring of Gyges? Or is there just 2 rings that make people invisible
about 1 month ago
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Haven't found a function where I can get away with wearing my "worlds sluttiest dad" shirt (I dont have kids
about 1 month ago
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New product idea: edible hair ties for
about 1 month ago
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You can't get in trouble if you don't get caught
about 1 month ago
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Me: maybe I need a new car *looks at prices of new cars* Me: maybe I need generational wealth
about 1 month ago
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Don't give up hope. Coming up there will be enough Godzilla content to sustain us until March next year
about 1 month ago
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Spent my saturday night fighting a fever
about 2 months ago
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Constantly fighting the urge to say weird shit at inopportune times
about 2 months ago
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I will have you know this is my emotional support coping mechanism
about 2 months ago
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Kong: Skull Island is my favorite Vietnam documentary
about 2 months ago
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The love of my life is probably out there somewhere eating a rotisserie chicken in a parking lot
about 2 months ago
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My unhinged theory today is that people who left sesame street and never came back were ate by the count
about 2 months ago
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If you really think about it, fight club was a movie about self discovery
about 2 months ago
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What is everyone's favorite pokemon? If it isn't Raichu, why are you wrong?
about 2 months ago
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I feel if someone ever saw my Instagram reel algorithm i would be committed
about 2 months ago
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I have come to the conclusion I could not live in the city. It is offputting to me to have more than 10 people in a grocery store
about 2 months ago
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If humans were born having night vision would there still be scary stories?
about 2 months ago
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What would the Lord of the Rings been like if the fellowship had access to a Ford F-350?
about 2 months ago
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I don't have time to focus on politics, all of my energy is going towards applying logical thinking into whimsical works of fiction
about 2 months ago
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Do you think when Gulliver farted Lilliput had to put out an air quality statement?
about 2 months ago
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I will always have something to recommend for people to watch. On the other hand, if you recommend something for me to watch i will be less likely to view it because you told me what to do
about 2 months ago
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I keep my yearning to only food products that do not exist anymore
about 2 months ago
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I don't think the dating pool is terrible. I just don't think I know where to look
about 2 months ago
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A typical season of the real housewives is as follows: -2 people fighting over nothing -1 person trying to shill a useless product -3 people not doing much until they get arrested for fraud next season -1 person's failed attempt at a music career -Group vacation that goes sour
about 2 months ago
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Why are people making recipes called "Marry Me _____"? Dude I just want chicken, not commitment and expectations
about 2 months ago
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There is a special place in hell for Family Vloggers
about 2 months ago
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*Points at Air-Fryer* This sacred artifact is worshipped by my people
about 2 months ago
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I won the gag gift exchange last night
2 months ago
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I had a thought on New Years Eve and now I can't stop thinking about a Swedish Chef version of Auld Lang Syne
2 months ago
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Having our family christmas this weekend. So far I am happy weed is legal
2 months ago
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God's of gambling. May you guide my lottery ticket to victory tonight
2 months ago
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reposted by
Randystwin
Soma Green
2 months ago
You’re invited to Froggie’s NYE party tonight on Twitch!
#twitch
#nye
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My new years resolution is to be more decisive. I finally landed on that after how long it took to decide what my resolution should be.
2 months ago
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My family doesn't meet up until next weekend, so my christmas today consists of beer, football, some light gambling, and my favorite soup. Life is good!
2 months ago
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Not now kitten, Daddy is getting visited by 3 ghosts to teach him the meaning of the holiday spirit
2 months ago
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I need someone to explain to me why you cant ask what someone's favorite dinosaur is on a date? It sets the foundation of the relationship
2 months ago
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I am in the finals for 2 different fantasy football leagues. If I win both I could get $1200
2 months ago
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Where do you see yourself in 5 beers?
3 months ago
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I dont kiss and tell. Mainly because I generally dont like talking to people and my love life is terrible
3 months ago
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Cold damn night. House got down to 11 degrees Celsius (51 farenheit) before the power came back on
3 months ago
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Nothing like a large area power outage when it is -17 celsius out. Its not going to be even looked at for another 10 hours due to safety concerns. My water is off and drained and I am hunkered down with some thick blankets
3 months ago
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The trick to getting through the week is to limit yourself to one vice a night
3 months ago
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I need a recommendation for a new TV series to watch. Just know I will argue with you the whole time about watching it though
3 months ago
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