I'm gonna try going back on my account

I'll stay here one more day Or two

I need to talk to people

I want someone to understand and see But at the same time I feel so ashamed

I am ashamed of myself. I can't tell my friends, I can't tell those I love I can't express it but vaguely on here with cryptic messages because I'm so scared and so ashamed of saying my problem out loud I'm so ashamed of my own illness I'm ashamed to what this poison has pushed me to cure it

I'll regret it tomorrow I'll convince myself it wasn't necessary But it is It is

I'm sure I'm feeling emotional because I'm tired and it's the night

I want to stop watching

I'm going to puke

I'm crying

I want to puke Why why why Why am I forcing myself through this? It's disgusting yet beautiful It's so horrifying I need to write a poem about it

Why am I so scared of silence I hate it Why can't I be calm in silence Why can't I just lay down in bed, close my eyes, without any sound, without getting anxious

I want to be alone in a room

I want to stay alone in a room and play Legos

I'm shaking I can't stop tapping my fingers on my desk I don't want to eat

I know I already posted those pictures But I want to share them here

I'm losing my mind

I wanna cry

I want to dress up as a colorful jester/clown and live in a big playground where I give out candies and juggle to make people happy

I'll be going on a hiatus for one day or two I'm not feeling well, there's a certain issue I've been trying to fight for months And I decided to take more drastic measures, it worked before hopefully it will again Sorry everyone

Once I turn 18 I straight go to a therapist or psychiatrist I need help

I hate it I hate it

I hate myself so much

Genuinely more people need to get outside and have a larger social life than just people on Bluesky Not saying that online friends aren't "real" friends, but being dependent on social medias for your emotional connections is bad for mental health

Want to cuddle and be called a good boy

Politics is everything concerning the people and society. You want equal rights for everyone? That's political! You want equality? That's political too! And philosophy is simply thinking. You think love is more important than money? That's philosophy! You think nature is important? Philosophy!

«I'm apolitical 😃» «No I don't know anything about phylosophy 😬» WRONG So false. You DO know, everything is philosophical, everything is relative to ideologies! It's simply that you don't know the right terms to express it. Same for politics, or you're just too privileged to care about others.

Welp, uh, I'm sure I'm going to get mass blocked if I even mention this subject

Sooooooooo Read studies, read papers, watched videos, read articles, looked at anything I could And yeah you can't become a system without a certain traumatic experience, you can have endogenic headmates, that's for sure, but to develop a system in the first place it's forcibly traumagenic

I don't want to relapse I hate it I hate how I feel I hate it

I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm disgusting I feel disgusting I basically have to torture myself to stop my addiction But I want to never be addicted of this thing I want to be in control before the new year I feel awful

I hate it so much I hate myself I hate my body I hate feeling disgusting I hate doing it

I need to try my catharsis process again It worked once

My worst nightmare is to become like her Or to pass down this generational toxicity to my children I hate my family

I hate my mother so much, she's the most immature, compulsive and egocentric person on earth My household is one of the biggest reason I have some anger and frustration issues Can't wait to get out of here

Today seems like a good day to remind folks that we do not use AI in any part of our workflow!

I need to someone to cuddle with I need a cuddle friend in my life

Idk how to explain it But I think that dying while being completely insane is the best way Just rambling about ideas and random thoughts without any worries, giving up social constructs and simply living to your fullest

Feeling down again

I wanna look more attractive I want to look better and be more healthier Not for an artificial goal But to feel better in my body Sometimes I feel pretty, but right now I feel ugly

Honestly there's like 6 people holding the entirety of my mental health 🫂💚

Was supposed to study I didn't I hate it

Crying

I feel bad

Idk I'm feeling weird

I need to be called a good boy Who said that??? 😰

I need to read more articles about systems/plurals Cuz I see a lot of talk about sysmed and endos And my big brother is a system Need to read studies

No they didn't like my messages Totally not what happened Cupoxhoxyoyxyoxoxypyx

I just want them to compliment me and idk Ugh Hug them