Who's got two thumbs and a Best of the Net nomination?

OK guys this is enough now. I'm barely awake and I'm expected to pronounce Zaporizhzhia. If that's not a good enough reason for an immediate global ceasefire I don't know what is.

Morning oof

John Oliver just saying what the brats knew all along

Just read I Who Have Never Known Men and Annie Bot back-to-back and I can barely breathe jfc. I think I need to lie in a dark room and have my hair stroked (but not by a man)

No your headphones disconnected so the whole gym heard you listening to the K Pop Demon Hunters soundtrack on full blast

My partner just said that air miles are just V Bucks for adults and I simply cannot continue under these conditions

Just left a creative writing workshop where the host said there was an AI prompt/exercise and we'd all have to join Open AI to do it but it was fine because it's very quick to do wtfffff people

Finally finished youngest kid's DLA form. It's taken 200 pages and two printer cartridges. I feel like this is as good an argument for universal basic income as any.

Looking forward to this!

Short story and essay and book recs for exhausted brains that need nourishing but have no focus pls!

Gender reveal but Pope

Just me?!?

Oh hey so if you're celebrating the supreme court decision and also horrified at what's happening in the US then have I got bad news for you

How do I turn Meta AI off in WhatsApp?!?

Help! The plants have pushed the lid off my terrarium. What do I do? <Panic>

Semi-accidentally wheated myself last night and I am suffering today. My tummmyyy hurttsssss 😭

Guy in my coworking space on a Zoom meeting: “I just want to intervene. A disclaimer first, I haven’t listened to all the materials but I have an opinion."

Gawd I farkin love rabble rousing. Still on an absolute high from last night ❤️

Gallbladder pain with no gallbladder is extremely annoying

Diane di Prima knew

I'm just a girl squinting at my phone hoping the triptans knock me out before the migraine kick in

Realised my eldest was old enough to read the Decorative Gourd Season blog and she's been hyperventilating ever since and honestly all the pain and struggle of parenting has been worth it for this one precious moment

Watched Section 31 last night and lol what

What's more painful: treading on Lego or biting your lip in the same place every time you eat for two weeks?

When I'm in charge the first thing I'll do is ban all perfumes and colognes in public spaces. Currently on the train and despite being antihistamined to the max I want to tear my eyes out. Plus it doesn't actually smell good 🤮 🤷‍♀️

I have The Winter Virus with the fun addition that my nose has been bleeding for like four days now.

Men on dating apps be like

I'm just a girl sitting at my laptop begging Google to show me literally anything but AI summaries and video clips

Just saw the Section 31 trailer and what the fuck are they doing

I did it. I watched Hot Frosty and it was exactly the right thing to do.

I was wondering why men are hot when they put glasses on and women are hot when they take glasses off and realised it's because wearing glasses is considered a sign of intelligence and I simply cannot sigh any harder

Not my email autocorrecting guten tag to gluten tag

Omg help. My kids are sick so I asked my ex to bring round a broiler chicken so I can cure them with soup. He didn't ask the butcher to butcher the chicken so now I have to chop it's head off. Context: I'm the world's most squeamish person.

There is no legitimate use for farfalle. Fight me.

So. Showgirls. Where's Paul Verhoeven? I've got questions.

Finished my bullet journal two weeks before the end of the year and this seems like an unnecessarily cruel joke

Just thinking about Storm Troopers having star charts for good work and then getting them confused with the star charts used to navigate

Update update: took Sudafed because I couldn't stand the sinus nonsense anymore and now I'm full of energy with a cracking headache and no actual energy. This is going really well 🤣

Update: I want to take my skin off and air my insides and put clean sheets on my body

Early Christmas gift!

There's Nazi-platforming discourse over on Substack and idk people don't seem to realise the problem isn't that I find reading Nazi content distasteful, it's that they're organising violent ethnic extermination

It's taken all winter but I've finally been whacked with a virus. Dying. Send soup 🤒

Decided this year I'm gonna cut out the middle man and take Christmas cards out the box and hang them straight on the card ribbon hangy string

Proof that yoga works: I'm 45.5 and after 20 years of regular-ish yoga only just got allotted my inexplicable middle-aged knee pain

8yo has suddenly got into reading after aggressively refusing all written words for years and his little whispered reading noises are possibly the cutest thing that have ever happened

I'm guessing that being in an Oodie under a duvet and a blanket and still being more cold than I've ever been in my life means I have a fever, right?

Bought a new cat toy and the cat is ignoring it but the kids won't stop playing with it

My partner just came home with the most divorced salt and pepper mills I've ever seen and I think this is his way of telling me he's leaving?!

The famous David Chickens novel Scrooge McDuck