Derek Heckman
@derekheckman.bsky.social
đ€ 425
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Fiction writer/schoolmarm. Shopping around a too-long novel about sad midwestern teens. (he/him)
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Querying got me like
5 months ago
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Dreamed last night that I had ingested poison and while I was waiting for it to take effect, I saw someone had a flat tire outside my house and said âoh no I should go help themââyou guys think that means anything or?
8 days ago
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I can tell Joni Mitchell is a great artist because skating away on a nonexistent river wouldnât crack my like top hundred ways to leave a place where I was unhappy
8 days ago
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John Prine rocks because you hear one song and youâre like âwell that was the best song ever writtenâ and then you hear another one and youâre like âoh shitâ
8 days ago
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My wife and I have a real âletâs call the whole thing offâ thing going on but instead of âtomatoâ and âtomahtoâ I say âI didnât hear youâ and she says âyou werenât listeningâ
11 days ago
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Wicked: For the Beh-heh-heh-ter
11 days ago
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Today a kid was practicing reading and she read the word âcoolâ and I asked her to tell me what it meant and she pointed at me and said âlike youâre coolâ đđđđđ
13 days ago
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Pope should do a publishing summit next. Give some of these freaks a talking to
17 days ago
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Child: âMr. Derek, my brother said sorry to me this morning, but he didnât even do anything!â Me, a recovering Catholic: âI do that sometimesâ
20 days ago
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Friend just showed his girlfriend both Butch Cassidy AND The Verdict and Iâm currently waiting to hear which Paul Newman she thought was hotter
20 days ago
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I like when the cold makes my hands all chapped and I can pretend that Iâve worked a day in my life
21 days ago
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My wife bought this because she says it looks like me
22 days ago
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Parent-teacher conferences go against everything Goodfellas raised me to believe about the importance of not ratting on your friends
23 days ago
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Fuck me up, king
26 days ago
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Just sighed so big a piece food that was stuck in my teeth dislodged and flew out of my mouth
27 days ago
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29 days ago
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reposted by
Derek Heckman
If youâre in the market for a horror movie essay today, then give yourself a TREAT and read this one I wrote about Weapons! Or just play a TRICK and tell me you read it anyway!
add a skeleton here at some point
about 1 month ago
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reposted by
Derek Heckman
Thad
about 1 month ago
Excellent essay about the movie Weapons (spoilers of course)
add a skeleton here at some point
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If youâre in the market for a horror movie essay today, then give yourself a TREAT and read this one I wrote about Weapons! Or just play a TRICK and tell me you read it anyway!
add a skeleton here at some point
about 1 month ago
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Today I mentioned that my parents live in Illinois and one of my kids said âMr. Derek, youâre really brave to come to school all by yourselfâ
about 1 month ago
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Said it before but a great part of working with kids is how sensitive they are to even the smallest of injuries. I come in with a nick from shaving sometimes and they are all so concerned about me
about 1 month ago
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Bumpin that
add a skeleton here at some point
about 1 month ago
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I wrote about Weapons and all the stuff it brought up for me about active shooter trainings. Link, as they say, below đ
about 1 month ago
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Me, misunderstanding âgoonerâ as âa fan of Jennifer Eganâs 2010 collection of linked short stories âA Visit from the Goon Squadââ: âI donât know. Iâve always liked the PowerPoint presentation oneâ
about 1 month ago
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Do not, my friends, become addicted to sleeping through the night
about 1 month ago
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Really great childrenâs book I just came across. Could not recommend it enough
about 1 month ago
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The Whale truly a make-up Oscar in more ways than one
about 1 month ago
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Any teachers out there looking to talk about Jane Goodall, this is my preferred text
2 months ago
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Reaching the point in the book Iâm reading where things havenât really come together, nothingâs really happened, and thereâs less of the book unread than Iâve read alreadyâthe âuh-oh pointâ as we all call it
2 months ago
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Got this email and thought I was being put on blast for a second
2 months ago
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When I was like eleven I did a psych study where a grad student asked me child development questions and going in I was like âoh what if they find out Iâm a geniusâ and then during it I mixed up right and left
2 months ago
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âWe must be on our phones less!â Frog said, scrolling on his phone
2 months ago
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It remains my contention that whatever you are handed by a Dunkin employee, despite what your may have ordered or what you wanted, it is exactly what you deserve
2 months ago
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Been reading a biography of Rose Kennedy and reading about how at her convent school, they had a weekly ceremony where the nuns publicly gave each girl a âvery good,â âgood,â or âgood enoughâ ranking for their behavior and like damn girl Iâm sorry that happened I get it
2 months ago
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Probably my biggest fear that I donât feel things as deeply as other people but I think the solution to that is probably just to be online a lot less
2 months ago
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In high school (Catholic) we asked our religion teacher if she could bring in an exorcist for us to just like, talk to, and she came back a few days later and said the Church doesnât release the names of priests who can perform exorcisms, and I think about this all the time
2 months ago
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Donât believe in âhaunted housesâ (ghosts). Do believe in âhaunted housesâ (house is Bad)
2 months ago
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Going in Iâd just like to state for the record that The Departed is my favorite Leo performance
2 months ago
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Just ate an apple cider and am seeing One Battle After Another later. Lapsed Catholic Boy Fall is off to a powerful start
2 months ago
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Youâre in her dms. Iâm singing âSurrey with the Fringe on Topâ in front of Ira. We are not the same
2 months ago
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There are âThis is where Viggo broke his toe peopleâ and âThe lady who says Iâll have what sheâs having is Rob Reinerâs motherâ people
2 months ago
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My most firmly held belief that Meg Ryan should have won an Oscar for When Harry Met Sally
2 months ago
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Daredevil should have an enemy that represents American Protestantism
2 months ago
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Probably the most revealing thing I can admit is that my ideal romantic relationship is Leonard and Virginia Woolf in âThe Hoursâ
2 months ago
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I never take rejections that hard. There are tons of factors as to why someone passes on something. Gotta be the right piece for the right market to the right person at the right time. Also sometimes the thing you write just isnât that good
2 months ago
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If youâre concerned about the rapture, may I suggest that possibly it wonât be that bad
add a skeleton here at some point
2 months ago
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Me, turning 34:
2 months ago
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I share my birthday with actor Jon Bernthal. We talked this morning, as we always do, and he said that for his birthday, you should read my stuff
add a skeleton here at some point
2 months ago
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Yelling âbut dogs canât play basketball!â while a dog pulls a hood over my head and shoves me into a van
3 months ago
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âBECAUSE IT IS MY USERNAME!!! BECAUSE I CAN HAVE NO OTHER!!!â
add a skeleton here at some point
3 months ago
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Me reading a recipe blog: âUgh just give me the recipe. I donât need to know your life storyâ Me writing an essay: âBefore I can tell you what I thought of this movie, let me talk about the year I was the most depressed Iâve ever beenâ
3 months ago
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