[For various reasons, Sayuri's entire statement had to be redacted.]

"Horn-" Preemptively obliterated with an orange from a slingshot-

"The world knows I'd be too powerful if I was popular and sabotages me at every opportunity."

The bottle just slipped off of Sayuri's thumb and shattered on the ground because of pure disappointment- "Get a new joke, lady-"

"Boobs." A wise word and a sage nod from a woman whose thumb is stuck in a rum bottle.

...Where did the alcoholic buy a rum cake bigger than her?

<- Still wants to expand her harem. Very greedy.

"Come on, I'm durable and always squeeze my way out of trouble. I'd be fine meeting your mom. But I do want to meet the pretty dragon fairy first. Dragons are cool."

"Kiwi's ex wife thought it would be funny to pat my head and expect me to not feel very conflicted about it."

"...I mean, people definitely like seeing hockey players throw a few punches, but that's typically as far as it goes. But yeah! I know I have this whole harem fantasy, but I still genuinely love you to bits."

"Yes." Zero hesitation. "...Though the part I spent money on actually got me no copies of you. Four of Barghest, which almost got me in a hockey brawl." ...Hockey? Not a bar brawl? "But grinding bond and backlogged rank up quests finally gave me two copies of you~ Now I just need the dragon."

"Please what?"

"Hehe~ Finally got Summer Sith~ Now I just gotta keep aiming for Summer Melusine to get my full fairy harem~"

"Couldn't get my beautiful summer girlfriend or her cool summer dragon friend. Only got two of her big titty summer muscle friend. Guess I gotta drink myself to death."

"Crowns... Trophies... Victories... They're just nice things to collect. I'm most interested in being admired, adored, and maybe a little feared." An #UmamusumeRP OC by BadJokesLucia NSFW topics possible.

"Nah, I don't need or want a giant. I'll take a catgirl and assassin, though. I'll have to take eldritch abominations and bugs on a case by case basis."

"...So I have the vampire and fairy categories covered by Sith... Now I just need a doll girlfriend, an elf girlfriend, a girlfriend from some form of royalty, a rich girlfriend, a bear girl girlfriend, a horse girl girlfriend, a girlfriend with boobs bigger than my head, Durin from Arknights..."

"Damn, we gotta make the outside match the inside."

"Damn, I think we need to kill her." Sayuri, no.

"Then I need to punch her."

"...How many times are you going to make that joke?" Ah. Sayuri just joined the anti-Reina squad, didn't she?

"Titty Tuesday... Nice..."

"I mean, the thing is that I don't want to have to ask. I want to always have at least one option available at all times without fussing for attention." Sayuri's harem goals are founded in loneliness, after all.

SMOOOOOOOOCH! "Yeah, I need a lot more of that in my life."

"...I should really have like ten girlfriends by now."

"...I feel like somebody just tried to stereotype me instead of acknowledging how awesome I am."

"The world knows that I'd be too powerful if I had abs. I'd be the only one to ever get women. Which is how it should be anyway, so who's next in line to join my harem?"

"Bazongas."

"Boobs." ...I mean yeah, but you have to say more than that. Damn drunk.

"The feminine urge to create ten mothers in the same day." ...Don't say it like that.

Not a single pure thought in her head. This is one of those days where she'd need a huge harem just to keep her contained.

"Boobs." Sayuri, focus on the patriotic bikinis. Not what's under them.

"Because I'm h-" WHACK! "...horrible at self control." That's better.

"No, adoption wouldn't satisfy me." SAYURI PLEASE- "And honestly, I don't think I could handle Mordred until I've gotten more experience."

"Yeah. But I'm way cuter than King Arthur. And I'd be a better dad." Sayuri, just stop talking-.

"So was King Arthur, apparently. Didn't stop her, won't let it stop me." Sayuri, please...

"I would be a great dad." Sayuri, shut the hell up-.

"I hope whoever decided that the anxiety song is good enough to be on the radio ends up in the hospital for something harmless but super expensive that their insurance won't pay for. Stop making me hear that shit. It's worse than when they were playing Adele's garbage twice lper hour."

"...That still sounds like an insultingly low number of steps."

"Damn, come on. I have some standards. I'm not some basement dweller."

"Because you have a tendency to overexaggerate and assume the worst of people." Oh. Even Sayuri's calling Reina out now. "I draw the line at cannibalism. Everything else needs a thorough review first, and to be marked as 'former'."

"Hey chat?" Sayuri, you're not streaming. "Since I've already proven my ability to soften up violent women,-" Sayuri, you're playing solitaire on a Walmart display laptop. "Do you think I could add Aura the Guillotine to my harem at some point?"

"It's fine, you don't need them anyway~" ...It must be too hot for Sayuri to climb Sith today.

Pat pat. "Good girl~"

"Yeah, I could probably get your waifu in bed with me. Nerd." ...Where the hell did that line of thought come from?

"...I have no memory of that." She vaguely remembers using a giant blahaj as a onesie at one point, but she's not sure when. "Anyway, the teeth are great. I don't even need a knife when I eat steak~ Just gotta be careful not to bite my tongue or lips."

Blink. "...I need you to not do that without asking." Oh. Sayuri actually has boun- "You've seen my teeth. It would be bad if I accidentally bit you. You gotta unplug the blender before sticking your hand in, y'know?" ...Nevermind. She's just aware of the risks of eating like a wild animal.

...Demolishing some mozzarella sticks.

"Oh, I sucked at math and all of the sciences that required it. But I was a hero in the wood shop."

"I'm really good at judging the sizes of stuff. Tell me numbers and I'll forget them instantly. But show me a girl and ask me to point at the best fitting clothes, and I won't even need to look twice. I'm also really good at organizing stuff into the trunk of a car, and I'm a drunk darts champ."