They call him Market Days Myers

Diane Keaton, fuck.

Yesterday I worked out for the first time in like six months and today my body feels like it's been passed through one of the really creative Buddhist hell realms.

Out n about

As a society we have wasted a utopias amount of effort trying to be the smartest boy in the room with the cleverest takes by trying cut the baby in the most morally neutral "both sides" framing possible.

VHS Halloween: Pretty solid! Gross out thrill-ride that's consistently fun throughout with the exception of one horrifying stomache-churner towards the end (you'll know the one)

I saw Tilly Norwood bragging about how good her cocaine was at a party and later it turned out her dealer had just sold her baby powder.

Back in America, now to see how expensive groceries are.

So I may have misjudged how long it'd take to get to "utopic 00s"

I don't understand people who do those complicated Starbucks orders. I had to ask for substitutions for a religious fast (no garlic + green onions & no egg in a fried rice) and I felt like Jerkface McGee, Lord of the Assholes

The Naked Gunman

There's a princess of Thailand who is a singer. Her stage name is Your Highness and she just released a single whose name translates to "single and available."

Being a bisexual emperor must be the most stressful shit in the world. You go to the inner palace and your wives are scheming. You go to the outer court and the male concubines that you promoted to viziers are fighting. Your wife just poisoned your favorite twink eunuch. There’s no peace

Gay flight attendants are a transnational phenomenon, has anyone done a study on why

Sabrina for president

So we all know that JFK was a twink but in researching I was very surprised to discover that Lee Harvey Oswald was also a twink

Doing a week-long religious fast where I have to abstain from garlic so if any aspiring Draculas were planning to attack me, now would be the time.

I think I stopped the rapture by singing Defying Gravity really, really well at karaoke last night (no video)

Tfw the beautiful ruins of the former capital of a nation has the same name as a local mall and you weren't entirely aware of that distinction when you called the Uber

In retrospect, all those listicles saying mosquitos are the deadliest organism on earth were bullshit, right? Cuz it's not the mosquitos, it's the pathogens in their saliva. They're the real deadliest organism.

Paul Thomas Anderson's KENTUCKY ROUTE ZERO

Unfortunately “Scott Wiener” is exactly what JK Rowling would call the ministry of magic representative from San Francisco

"Look at me, Ernest. Just look at me. I'm soaking wet."

So apparently there's a storage unit in Bangkok's red light district that used to be a back alley clinic and is now said to be the most haunted-ass place in Thailand. My host refuses to go near it and halfway through the night, the doors mysteriously opened.

Day 12 of Bangkok. I woke up naked in my hotel room with a teacup next to me on the bed. I'm not totally sure how it got there.

One of those "listen to All My Friends over and over and drunkenly sing along" nights

Horny

I want to order a Bloomin Onion and have it shipped to Bangkok

Day 5 of Thailand. I have ended up in some backstage VIP area surrounded by ethereal-looking twinks in Kpop wear. Their gaze is terrifying

Yes gimme those sweet sweet Bugonia reactions

Guys guys holy shit did you know they made a Chinese-language WHAT WOMEN WANT remake with Gong Li?

Got drunk and ate five tacos. Why? Because God won't stop me, that's why. And also bc I hadn't eaten very much today, but mostly the former.

JOHN PROCTOR IS THE VILLAIN: it's good!

BREAKING: Indie singer Florence + The Machine accused of RIPPING OFF their latest single from pop legend The Hanging Tree From Nightmare Before Christmas

I am convening a special Congressional committee on the topic of preventing the delicious egg yolk from spilling out the $12 breakfast burger as you're eating it.

Trashy 90s Erotic Thriller starring Richard Gere and Minnie Driver called "Love Thy Neighbor."

*sigh* horny

Personally, I think 90stalgia could go even harder. I think we should all be wearing bucket hats. I think we should all look like Jim McGorman from the New Radicals

I have no guilt about my pleasures. The sins of my pleasures are washed away by the power of my all-consuming love

I will remake the Kiyoshi Kurosawa classic Cure if it kills me

Brat Summer ended two weeks ago when I broke my foot drunk dancing to 365

I've had enough. In this thread, I will tell you, definitively, whether Sydney Sweeney has great jeans. This way, you will be more informed when shopping for your wardrobe . 🧵

Meiji Japan did their own Boys in Brazil thing in the UK

La li lu le labubu

The fun part about being locked indoors with a broken foot while writing like a madman is that I am absurdly productive rn and yet still I'm losing my mind.

Strip Mall Americana. Power Lines Americana. Rust Americana. Dead Mall Americana. Empty Diner Americana. Country Club Americana. Car Dealer Americana. Exurb Americana.

The vibe rn

I've turned in my screenplay revisions! Now I can stare at the wall aaaaaall day long.

I'm stuck indoors with a broken foot, writing.