9 scoreless, 3 hits. And we finally got some runs not in the first inning. Go Cubs Go

Math and common sense both say you can't reduce anything by more than 100% without it becoming zero, or negative. 100% of $100 is $100 500% of $100 is $500 Now subtract: $100 - $500 = -$400 I know that people are dumb and don't understand numbers, but this is like 4th or 5th grade math.

What do we say to the god of death?

You have got to be kidding me

10 days ago I didn't have a ton of hope for this Cubs postseason (inconsistent bats, not enough starting pitching), but then they won that WC series and gave me a little taste of that old feeling and so I chased it like a fool, when I should've known better (Thursday night was fantastic though)

The Brewers are doing to the Cubs what the Cubs did to the Cardinals in 2015 and I don't like it one bit

SEIYAAAAAAAA

Me, furiously searching YouTube TV for TNT

I got drunk and put the new Wednesday album on It is so good It almost makes me forget about the atrocities

Nope, not ruining my Saturday. Good luck boys I’ll tune back in Monday night

This is still true

I feel like a lot of people aren't really grasping the best part of a few small beers Sensei set that up, he brought beer and was drinking to set up a DUI, just to have a plausible reason for running from the police in case he needed it Sensei Sergio is a master of revolutionary praxis

I hate that it’s never easy. It’s never easy!

Old school heart attack Cubs

Keller going 6 outs was always too big an ask

OR, PCA can just be safe, because he was in there, despite the bag being blocked, and maybe he came off for a split second, but fuck that

This game is going to kill me

Tigers with a big lead 2/3 of the way through the game, let’s see if they hold it

Well, that sucked.

It’s hard to be upset about the Cubs pitching choices when they can’t score a run.

Easy to say on a day where my team won their first playoff game in 8 years but … damn. I fucking love baseball.

It would be very funny if Chapman gives up the lead here. It just would be

Ooooo, it’s the SVU episode about antivaxxers! Have fun with your lawsuit, NBC and USA Network!

That’s a dub baby!

I dunno. Lots of agita about pulling the starter, but really the Cubs need hits and runs

Is the Cubs bullpen really 4.2 innings good?

Let’s go Cubs

And the last game of the MLB regular season ends with a CLE walkoff HR in extras, because of course it does

Cardinals with the bullshit move. IBB Busch-y with a chance for the cycle. I also think Dansby stealing 3rd may have prompted it, which. Yeah.

As a comedy fan, I think Kimmel is generally fine. He's had some great bits, he's been a guy, whatever. His monologue tonight was really really great. Like, so good. Good for you dude.

I think the weirdest part about the Cubs game tonight was that John Mulaney basically announced he was performing a show at Wrigley next year?

Niche Chicago post alert: Ruth is the real fucking deal. Shows up, does the work, and goes above and beyond for the community. Endless respect.

I hate this version of the Cubs. We don’t deserve a postseason appearance

Apparently, the nobodies that IU played are better than the nobodies Illinois played

Unnamed sources have told me that if either team scores a touchdown, US Bank Stadium might collapse into a giant chasm and sink deep beneath the earth, never to be seen again

Fucking Steichen

Why sign Rizzo so he can retire as a Cub when Carlos Santana's spot on the roster is right there?

Re-signing Hoyer mid-season + "easiest second half schedule in MLB" all but guaranteed this outcome for the back half of the season. After all, this is the Cubs, the bad vibes are always lurking right around the corner. Maybe they get lucky in the playoffs but it's not looking very likely.

Mike Judge thought that it would take 500 years to reach Idiocracy. Bro we are hitting that shit in one tenth of that time.

I don’t know if anything would have been different. I just believe that you run the pitcher with no hits back out for one more inning when he’s at 75 pitches.

Ben Brown is exactly the guy you want to see come in to relieve your RoY starter who hasn’t given up a hit in a 1-0 game

Weird night to be at the Cubs game. PCA and Tucker are out, and Carlos Santana is DHing.

I miss when the avalanche of bullshit was just dumb stuff like "infrastructure week" and not what we have now, which is the national guard invading cities and extrajudicial murder

Texas loaded busses with desperate migrants and dropped them off in Chicago like trash in the middle of winter. We welcomed them into our communities. Now Texas is sending its National Guard to terrorize them on our streets. In our neighborhoods. What the fuck.

My favorite Youtube ads are the ones that are advertising not ever having to watch ads again. How does that work?

The idea floated at end of this article is about the only way I can justify using our precious water resources to cool AI data centers. You can evaporate our runoff shit water to run your predictive text machine.

If your dog’s reaction to me walking down the sidewalk is to growl, bare its teeth, and take an aggressive posture … maybe don’t walk your dog off leash, you psycho

The Oval Office now looks like some dumb boomer’s basement had sex with an Applebees, and that unholy union gave birth to an abomination that put literal golden shit all over the walls

I've always wanted to write and direct a film, if only so I can include a scene set to a song from this