Cheering in the New Year With frothy libations, Another year … of chasing citations And high impact factor publications Or maybe you say “screw it … Dump it all in Arxiv” this year I have no fear! Publishing cretins, and techbro whores 2026 what a fix Tenure denied from a KPI #AcademicSky

“Thank you for your email. I will be away from the office for a few weeks. If this is a review request, the answer is. Baaeee.” #AcademicSky

Models spew garbage, Thinking shrinks… h-index bloats Gamified scholars. #AcademicSky

How about YOU READ THE DAMN THING? “Suffocate your neurons, for the low price of $20/month!” #AcademicSky

Yeah… I am a grump… and yes.. this so this is so academically cringe… but … I am not comfortable with the academic doxing either. Just call it out as bad behaviour…destroying peoples lives is mean. Am I just out of touch? #AcademicSky retractionwatch.com/2025/12/08/h...

Winter settles in, term finally ends. Snow falls quietly, covering the mess of the academic year. Publishers post record windfall profits, like never-ending snow storms. My soul gets buried in malaise. #academicsky

… lets start by burning predatory journals. #AcademicSky utppublishing.com/doi/10.3138/...

As the world burns, science dies, and the techbros sell their AI like crack, the most critical issue of the day is font selection. It won’t be long before my Saab is mistaken as a DEI purchase. #AcademicSky

Open Access… sheesh More like Open Your Wallets Now, trainees suffer #AcademicSky

Publishers are suddenly ‘excited about AI’ … as if they didn’t spend decades profiting off unpaid human labor. Same extraction, new buzzwords, no attribution. Different tool, identical invoice. #academicsky

Me after a AI-generated Linked In post full of psycho-babble and inane icons. Felt the same way learning how to put in washer fluid into my Saab. #academicsky

Crap like this pissed me off. Lets replace a false notion of “productivity”with deep and critical thinking. Heaven forbid students actually *speaking* to an assorted collection of experts and real knowledge and wisdom generators. Stop feeding AI-head addicts. #AcademicSky x.com/faheem_uh/st...

Here… let me help you. #AcademicSky

Long review, no soul, Buzzwords filling empty text Citations jimmied #AcademicSky

What the hell with all these review papers? Seems like a cheap way for AI-heads to try to crank up their h-index without doing something meaningful. Grad students, yes… for sure… but some are just so suss. #AcademicSky

Just don’t… just …. don’t - ask me to fill outa Doodle Poll, especially when you can *see* my calendar - ask me to access data on Dropbox: homey don’t pay that - charge me 500$ for the page of citations in my peer reviewed paper Thank you for your attention to these matters #AcademicSky

Ya don’t say… #AcademicSky english.elpais.com/science-tech...

There should be faculty drinking game where “AI” and “leveraging” are both used in the title of an advertised colloquia, seminars, or rounds. #AcademicSky

Absolutely unapologetic #AcademicSky

After 4th revison #academicsky

This is giving me fits. “Because its my academic duty … “ (Excuse me while i attend to a screaming break light on my Saab)

Turkey gets cold fast, Red pen stains my Thanksgiving Grades carve deeper lines. #academicsky

AI is the new crack/meth. Business “leaders” and “influencers” are becoming walking AI-heads: someone so addicted to AI that their neurons reorganize to optimize self-destruction. The realtime spark behind your eyes fades as fast as replacing the timing belt on my Saab. #AcademicSky

Updating a spreadsheet is my tiny act of un-shitifying the world. My way of staying sharp in an era where AI keeps spitting out confident nonsense, and tech bro try to sell me non-interoperable crapware. Sometimes clean data is the only sanity I have left. #AcademicSky

“Wasting time” on an R21 or R03? With today’s paylines, they’re scratch ticket grants anyway. Pour in months of work, they toss you a form letter. Even my Saab has a higher success rate. At this point any advise seems like bad advice. #academicsky

Random thought of the morning: I’ve somehow reached an age where my Saab makes more new noises than my research makes new citations. One rattles for attention, the other quietly dies in committee. At least the Saab doesn’t ask me to format references in APA 7th. #AcademicSky

Manuscript sent back with “clarifications” Translation: please wait patiently while the gears of academia grind to a halt. Not saying anyone’s trying to scoop me, but the system smells like a damp conference poster. In this research environment, my Saab’s oil leaks feel more honest. #AcademicSky

Oh the joy. I spend half my research time clicking to complete a Doodle poll than actually writing collaborative grants. Its a wondrous life in our AI utopia. Slamming my head on my Saabs windshield is less painful. #AcademicSky

Leaves fall, hopes follow, Grades plummet like bad apples Bell curve, meet despair. #academicsky

And I don’t blame this choice. Open Access isn’t Open Your Wallets please, libraries and academics. #academicsky

Review request from an MPDI journal. #AcademicSky

The tenured Prof before me took 15 minutes instead of 10. Now I’m the villain if I cut into lunch. Dudes so full of self importance that I loose my appetite. Nothing like being punished for punctuality in the name of ‘collegiality.’ #academicsky

Faculty report waits, Unread Saab’s manual Oil stains seal my fate. #academicsky

Still did not complete the faculty annual report. It’s late, padded with superlatives , and no one’s going to read it anyway. Might as well submit an oil-stained maintenance log from my Saab—same level of institutional impact. #academicsky

If a student walks into my class with meta glasses, I plan to test its efficacy through a strategic projectile vomit. #academicsky

People can’t walk and text without eating pavement, but sure… let’s strap on some dumbass glasses as well. Meta glasses: because clearly what humanity needs is to bring another distraction 3 inches closer to the optic chiasm. #academicsky

The AWS outage stories keep getting better… garage won’t open, fridge orders 60 gallons of oat milk, house locks them out till they say ‘please’ to Alexa, and overheating beds. Meanwhile, my Saab just needs oil and an apology. The Internet of Things is the dumbest thing ever invented. #academicsky

Plenty of things piss me off, but nothing quite like being asked by a big publisher to review a book proposal for free. Not a cent, not even a coffee voucher. Apparently my expertise is worth exposure and a thank-you PDF… but not the book itself. Asshats. #academicsky

The college report remains idling, spewing noxious fumes like my Saab. I feel like I’m dressing up an open jar of Ebola or cesium-137 with christmas wrap: looks pretty on the outside, but its toxic sludge thats induces double strand breaks. #academicsky

The AWS outage is hilarious. It’s like a digital COVID when suddenly the world stands still and the beauty of silence reveals itself… … and a nightmare for the LinkedIn boneheads whose contributions to science is the variance of unknown icons barfed out from an LLM onto a post. #AcademicSky

Still haven’t finished that college report and admin keeps hounding me. At this point, it’s less a document and more a perfect example of procrastination. Here is lies the true value AI sludge and micro-babble: nobody’s going to read the damn 30 page report anyway. #academicsky

Just shed a tear of joy over a student’s README.txt file It was clear, organized, human-readable, even indicating subfolders. In this wasteland of AI sludge and broken syntax, it was a thing of beauty… unlike my Saab’s muffler #academicsky

Just had a paper bounce back at “QA” because of a new/different line-numbering requirement. What, the science is fine, just not the margins? The QA efficiency we all dreamed of! Journals move goalposts like toddlers. My Saab’s maintenance schedule is more consistent. #academicsky

Every conference starts the same: blowhard presidents of this and that yammering like bad warmup acts at a concert. Imagine how many Kreb cycles could be saved or diverted to actual science. #academicsky

Dear undergrads, Asking to join my lab when you’ve clearly used an LLM to write your email is an astonishingly bad idea. Your letters are impersonal, stale, and not inquisitive. And that paper of mine you thought was “very interesting?”… well … it wasn’t. #AcademicSky

Indigenous Peoples’ Day: a reminder that this continent’s foundation isn’t brilliance or progress, but built on theft, silence, and loss. #academicsky

The AI crowd calls itself revolutionary, but it feeds on data scraped from the exhausted humans it ignores. Real science happens in wet labs, basements and barns, not PowerPoint keynotes and LinkedIn posts. Ma’at, Egyptian goddess of truth and morality, silently cries. #academicsky

Chalk dust on my sleeves, streaks etched boldly and pure whiteboards marker… dead #academicsky

Whiteboards: every marker’s dead except the yellow one nobody can read. My Saab’s jealous—those markers get replaced more often than its timing belt. #academicsky

Latest update from Secretary Robot Frog: grand theory linking Tylenol and circumcision to the phases of the moon. Somewhere, real scientists quietly close their laptops. Step aside for the academic flex, squirminator X #academicsky