*reading kid rock’s resume* it says here you “watch lots of crotch”?

When I was twelve I was certain that a set of ninja throwing stars would sort me out

The guys who rioted during covid lockdowns because they couldn't get a harcut or harass food servers are going to fold on day 2 of the civil war, if they manage to survive that long

there he go, there he go!

in porn, how much do you think you'd get paid to play the father/mother in one of those ubiquitous scenes where they are only there to be oblivious to their stepchildren having sex in the same room as them

Dangle Maxxing

extrajudicial killings are a lot like Jesus healing someone when you really think about it

relatable. some of us just have super hot models for friends and then other people go "pretending" to hang with super hot models and now nobody can tell the difference of who actually is the better liar about the super hot models they definitely know and hang out with

Double-tap is very misleading here, it implies strikes in quick succession. They scratched their loathsome chins about it for 41 minutes, watching these two guys struggle to overturn their wrecked boat, before deciding nah, hit 'em again

tim hortons trying to say that pepperoni fucking pizza is a christmas themed treat

Insanely good. Three pages in there is one paragraph that I read over and over - then read it out loud because it felt like I needed to hear the words. Many people need to hear the words.

toilet and garbage can close by in case both poles revolt at the same time. smart

he also said that Roy Scheider was the weakness in Sorcerer, it should have been a tough guy

in other words, Don't Fuck With Our Turtle

i just don't understand how the world cup is going to work

those people would have no idea what a man's suit was. no way they'd be all happy fake

when you get double dog dared to lick something metal in the winter

Still one of the great tweet exchanges

*Monster Magnet bass line* Coat Bath, Mother Mother...

we call it THE DEPTH CHARGE

SIMPLY HAVING A

“Get out of my fucking seat.”

This is in the running for my favorite lecture slide ever

hearing one second of Alice's Restaurant.

in retrospect the movie poster was a bit of a spoiler

The second that Luigi Mangione pulled the trigger and sent UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson to his demise on the cold Manhattan pavement, Santa Claus was faced with a conundrum: was Luigi to end up on the naughty list, or nice? “I like to see both sides of the issue”, noted the jolly old elf, who

Peggy Hill in a leather halter

*sped up disclaimer voice at the end of a commercial* grass and girlfriend might both be artificial

this explains why he changed grok to say nothing but fawning things about him.. he's trying to roast-proof himself for epic lols when some libtard tries to use this on him 🤣 imagine their faces 🤣

Fuckin rocking out

the baby (17 months) raised both her hands and said “WEADY?” so I said “ready!” and then she slapped me in the face

imagine donald trump JUNIOR, being able to unironically say "you'll have to go through me first" and think that had any gravity whatsoever

I felt like I was losing my mind watching this person's remarks and had to write about how disgusting they are.

Worth remembering that this guy tried to tell his fans that chess was too simple for his steel trap of a mind

glad they are bringing in the experts on female beauty - high tech men who've never dated

how long has America portrayed it's political media as adversarial, courageous... just all out the window

he totally believes there's a trans shooter problem

this is a good psa but there is a real turkey we need to finally cook. folks, i'm talking about trump

me, waiting for a "joke detected" notification on my phone before laughing with my friends

Operation Platonic Fishing Trip

a lot of dicks involved in this revelation

Bunny status report: He still chomk

I am begging America to not be stupid enough to embrace a racist and an antisemite because Donald Trump thinks she's a meanie. Just grab some popcorn and watch the Nazis fight.

JEFFEY EPSTEIN EMAIL: had a lovely weekend with my best pal & 45th president of United States, Hitler Pedophile ;) ;) wish we were always on "island time" ha ha ha just "kidding" NEW YORK TIMES: what could it all mean? inside the DNA sequence top eugenicists say is turning your child transgender

see also

the only good accent work on earth is old money transatlantic american to make fun of rich people accent