Five Guys does not give a fuck about peanut allergies. Is it a hazard walking by that place in a mall?

I have a lot of spreadsheets that I am the owner of and I’m tempted to put a hidden Dilemma tab in each of them.

Famous last words: Why does it have a picture of a pina colada on it? Huh oh well.

Have any of the Adam’s Family reboots or the Wednesday show used the White Stripes’ - “The Hardest Button to Button” in them? So many White Stripes songs are just sitting there for the right horror film.

For the documentary about the destruction of our fragile for profit health care system may I suggest The White Stripes - “Girl, You Have No Faith In Medicine” for the intro montage.

After a late night trip to the hardware store I fixed the drain for under $10. Some days you gotta find a win where ever you can.

Actively here in my second life trying to fix a drain. Ugh I didn’t sign up for this.

When life is stressful going to the dentist is seen as relaxing.

Sometimes people in the internet say “we.” I do not for the life of me know what this “we” business is about, but please don’t include me.

Silence is an option for some people.

I don’t think I’m in the stages of grief. I just go from being sad to angry and then back to sad and then back to angry. I know I don’t control the state of the world or have any great influence on it. But I don’t accept the hatred that fills it or the on going collapse of it either.

Currently so fucking sad, but probably moving to the next stage soon enough.

Not to jinx it, but it seems like that stock market will go up no matter our reality simply because we want it to go up.

Every time I fold laundry I think why isn’t AI doing this. That is all.

I’m okay once I’m out in the world. But before getting out of the house I think, man I’m only going to bum people out.

I haven’t been listening to music and feel like maybe the absence of music is really making things feel dark.

I once almost died eating a veggie sushi roll. Thank god I didn’t cause that’s all people would have talked about. “He died eating sushi? I thought he was vegan.” “No, it was a veggie roll” “Well that’s not even sushi, so what are we even talking about”

Honestly, if I found Parts Unknown on HDDVD you’d probably never see me again.

They all laughed at me when I invested in used HDDVDs. Now you are canceling subscriptions. Who’s laughing now? Hahaha

Yall no one is making you write op-eds. You don’t have to write one about every major event. We are good.

I can’t fucking explain it but I really have an urge to buy a coca-cola vending machine. I dunno yall.

Working on a bit that involves a person insisting to their friends that everybody does this one random absurd thing that no one does.

I don’t think I am in a place to have push notifications coming from Etsy along side news push notifications.

Listening to music while interpreting song lyrics on a Friday night not a normal activity? Or was I that uncool in High school?

Wait these only sell a four door Hyundai Accent now? Let’s just spit in the face of god why don’t we.

My hottest take is that we’ve learned absolutely nothing.

Is it even possible to buy a two-door coup? Do they even make hatchbacks or do you have to get a truck?

New segment here on Bluesky “Misheard Song Lyrics” - brought to you by no one. Ep 1: “these are the saddest times, baby” youtu.be/ubq0CzetGOM

The English language needs a word besides “opportunity” to describe the time when we can do something different in response to a tragedy. Opportunity sounds so gleeful and cheery to be appropriate.

Y’all ever just go into a loop of singing Space Jam lyrics? No? Yea me neither.

“Be a little smarti”

My funeral will be the first to have bouncers. Anyone saying shit about how I was always smiling is getting the boot.

Ooof I need to mute a bunch of words related to college football and football on this platform too.

It’s too beautiful outside for my current mood. I need clouds or the sun to be blocked out.

I got a push notification for this article. What on Earth? Is this new to people? Has this not been true since this guy rode down a golden fucking escalator? I’m losing my goddamn mind.

Here’s a task I don’t want to do. It’s called folding and putting away laundry. Is there any cutting edge technology that can do that?

I need a soundboard that is just the opening guitar riff to the Limp Bizkit hit single “Break Stuff.”

Do the kids still call each other “Brosef Gordon Levitt?” Asking for a close friend.

Just read an article on Newsweek where the latest trend on TikTok is these Gen Zers bringing back Water Beds.

“Mostly sad with an occasional break to go into a bit” might be my new tagline.

I want you all to know that watching you try to maneuver your giant ass cars is painful to watch.

Queens of the Stone Age’s “You Don’t Think I’m Worth A Dollar, But I Feel Like A Millionaire” could also get the Kingsman treatment in a fight sequence.

I don’t think anyone has used Korn’s “Freak on a Leash” in a movie but I feel like another Kingsman movie could pull it off.

Did BK change up their fries again? Usually I think they are passable fries, but tonight they are on point. What gives?

Military occupation of DC. I’m going to say we are underacting.

The world sucks. I need a new personality. Maybe I’ll just become a person who wears random ass rings.

Thinking about doing a segment called “are we under or overracting”

me: “Na I’m good, I don’t eat when I’m stressed” Them: *looks at me* “So you are stressed all time?” Me: “Yea, pretty much”

Is there a Bob Lee Rd? Have they tried to get away with that one?

There’s a certain thing everyone loves that I don’t really care for all that much. I really have to hold myself back when someone else says they don’t like that thing, cause I’m certain it’s a trap.