Farm apple pumpkin candle on deck tonight could get fucking crazy

I can't be trusted with sunglasses that cost more than $15

Resident Evil has Beck from Victorious shooting a gun & drinking beers. what more could you ask for

My sisters & I have this great system where we take turns making horrible choices. The disappointment is spread out, we keep things balanced

I love not knowing. Don't google it, let's just say idk & move on!!!

today was fake & designed by the government to test me in new ways

The moon is full. When the clock strikes 12 I’ll morph into the beast

Fat smoke & a funny joke sitting like a sponge letting everything soak

Birds singing, baby bunnies playing, I'm digging up dirt & worms in the garden. Today is so loooovely

Booking the scariest cabin that I can find 1. For good pictures 2. To engage in combat with the murdererous killer

These new vapes are great but I will miss losing brain cells unclogging the old ones

The director of Weapons & Barbarian is dropping a Resident Evil movie in september. I will be there no matter what

I hope we make our way back to allowing cigarettes on airplanes & in hospitals. We used to be a country god dammit!!!!!!!

RIP super mario bean bag chair im sorry my colossal ass squashed your beans

goodnight stars, goodnight air, goodnight noises everywhere

ppl are trying to say Remy from Ratatouille is the color blue?? He is a cool gray! which yes, is different from the other rats, but to call him blue is just ridiculous honestly

Take me to those liminal spaces that have the inground pool!

I'm so stoked for things to be green & blooming & warm

The birds in the Lowe’s garden section follow my commands. They have chosen me as their leader

I will forever cringe at how aggressively I was hitting the cotton eyed Joe in 3rd grade. I really had the spirit of joe in me

There's a 0.5% chance that Zayn malik will leave the house & will be at the local festival in town. Zayn, please come outside. We can play Yu-Gi-Oh if you want just gimme a chance

Get yourself a shower lamp with a warm light!! It will change your life!!

In this apartment, there are all these tiny spaces where humans don't fit

I'm 45% microplastic. I'm in 1st place you guys gotta hurry up

it scrolled past my eyes, but for my sanity, i did not see it

Oh yeah? my dad works at Nintendo. I have your exact coordinates

dont worry guys i dropped the hydroflask down the stairs again

If elected president, my mutuals will be allowed to commit 1 crime. I trust your hearts

my doctor retired 6 yrs ago, and so, I havent had a checkup in 6 yrs, and now im rlly weird about the whole thing. They touch ur balls, AND want ur pee?? freakbob, are we for real

only true heroes can wield the Axe body spray flamethrower

day 100 of dog food lunch. I’m seeing results, which means there will be an additional 100 days of dog food lunch

smoking 3 blunts at the same time and hitting wheelies on my Harley Davidson

I thought I'd have at least 1 chance to throw a stick of dynamite by now

I start w/ at-home coffee, then I get myself ready for public coffee

Sam: I brought salt in case we wanted to cook something Frodo: let’s fuck ;)

I don't fw the pokemon fans that talk shit on Dragonite. The next person who calls Dragonite goofy is gonna get zapped with the big laser

Going out to hang with the bats!!!

I'm so behind on my dragonslaying. The townspeople have nothing better to do than complain about the dragons. I hate this kingdom

my room is gonna look so rad all i need is 20 cinderblocks, 10 milk crates, and a skateboard deck that's broken in half

hmm the local shaman who does ketamine treatments has stopped replying to my emails

Was hoping for a cool VW bus for Yosemite. what they have available is not good. these vibes are bad and scary

it’d be a little irresponsible for me to adopt a dog/cat this year BUT I do have the capacity for 1 of those pretty purplely beta fish

man wearing an “I <3 emo bitches” t-shirt & his gf were needlessly rude to me at the concert last night. Soon after, I turn around to find him blacked out on ground He left me no choice. I had to destroy him with my mind

this night is so fun. I needed it. We’re at Wawa and they gave me 5 chicken strips when I only ordered 3!!!!!! things are going great for me

THEYRE BACK! YAAAY

the artemis pics are a nice reminder that we’re on a magic rock. Some things that stress me are very small when u zoom out

So many of my ancestors resemble Wario or Waluigi. It's remarkable

the beach concerts nearby sound so fun but even the painfully average shows are $110 minimum for one ticket..c'monn noww ppl, pls get real

I couldn't choose one

Yoo i finally got a tv in my room. the spider from the hallway sensed the upgrade and moved in here with me. We're gonna binge season 1 of Invincible