And the result is… boy! He unmatched.

I hate this question. Hopefully the answer will sort the men from the boys, but he’s already used up his one free pass.

In an extraordinary follow up from my mother telling me last year “you don’t get upset, you don’t have feelings”… my brother informed me yesterday that I don’t feel physical pain either. Both of these are news to me. I can only assume I must be a robot. Send any AI haters my way. I won’t feel it.

Charles Patrickson is definitely not a catfish. Definitely. Not. A. Catfish.

I’ve just payed £1.50 for a packet of polos. I remember when they went from 8p to 12p and thereby found themselves bumped out of my penny sweet selection.

Describe your love life as a fast food chain:

Me: This is Jacques, Phoebe, Monica, Ginger Rogers… Date: are those their actual names? Me (looks confused): errrrr… yes. This is Sharon… Date: that’s a Peony Me: ok. Sure. Her name is Sharon.

Man at till in gift shop: wait! Let me give you your receipt so that you don’t get rugby tackled by security. Me: *runs away from receipt and tries to look as guilty possible. Crosses fingers.

A man had just walked past me and said “nice dress” so he’s either read my previous tweet or the dress is over powering the stain!

If you were known to yourself as a messy person & you’d worn a dress 5 years ago to a wedding, would you: A - take it to the dry cleaners B - hang it up, not look at it until 10 mins before you need to wear it again, discover a stain on one of the white bits of the dress & right on the vagina?

Third date last night with Ginger Tom. He told me he like me including my quirks… which is curious because I was pretty sure that I was keeping those babies under wraps 👀 The phrase “you ain’t seen nothing yet” springs to mind!

Alec here does not like negative people… 🤔 It’s a no from me.

As ever Spaghetti Hoops was kind, courteous, witty company. He’s going through a big end of marriage/death of dog grief phase. He finished by saying he has no libido but could we stay friends. Of course, I said yes. I told him he was the best person I’d met on the apps. And he is.

Haven’t seen Spaghetti Hoops for 6 weeks. Tomorrow we are meeting so that he can tell me where his head is at. Now I have to pick a pub that I’m comfortable being dumped in 😭 At least he’s not ghosting. What would you look for in your perfect venue for a dump(ing)?

No, Sir Insecure Bigot-Face, I will not be goaded by you! The internet does not need to “convince” me, but you have! It’s a no from me.

Two of the thinnest girls I’ve ever seen are sat next to me. They brought in some giant goats cheese burger thing, which they ate whilst waiting for HUGE plates of: calamari, stew, chips, a ham & bread charcuterie board. I’m sat here with my 3 croquettes & soup wondering how I’ll ever work it off😭😂

Got to be said, the best thing about holidays… sampling the local… delicacies. What a treat! Thank you Seville!

This is actually quite brilliant, up to and including the final sentence 🔥

RSI incoming

Just walked past a dog wearing a cone of shame trying to lick a wall but he couldn’t reach the wall because of the cone 😭😂

Misfiled in the fiction section…

Slightly diminish a book. Reasonable Expectations

The Dog Handler was my 3rd ever Tinder Date 8yrs ago. I was bright eyed & bushy tailed, he was depressed & told me “once you’re on the apps, you never get off”. I didn’t believe him. Anyway, he’s just liked me on Tinder. Difficult not to feel somber right now. I guess I’ve completed Tinder.

A guy I chatted to on the apps in 2021 popped up again recently. He asked for the opportunity to prove himself. Yesterday we were meant to meet, we didn’t. Finally, this morning he’s admitted he’s not ready for a relationship. Then tried his luck… The sheer entitlement.

Bucket Car Man is ghost turned breadcrumber. He texts weekly to say he’s been silent because his mum (last week) or his step mum (this week) has been ill. I once kept a bread roll for a year. It never went mouldy. I am going to treat BCM like this bread roll & see how many mums he can conjure.

Kill me now

Remembering the time I went on a date and he told me I had hair like a sheep… not wrong tbf!

Anyone got the number for Ghostbusters?

Men will never not be baffling to me. Two genuinely good dates. Phone calls in between. Comments from him on the date about how refreshing it was to meet someone on an app and have such a good connection etc etc… and now…

Second date with Bucket Car Man last night which was lovely in every way… ps turns out his bucket car is a Porsche 🤭🤣

A friend has matched with a danger from my past… whilst trawling through the TG archives for info, I came across this little beauty. Said dating poster was using a photo of Ben Fogle as his profile pic. Other photos included a dog… and a penguin

Well, I’m back out there & dating & I’ve finally had time to recover… Friday night: Pizza and a film with Spaghetti Hoops… then on Saturday he took me for a walk and brunch in a village that I’d be banging on about visiting… really cute date… it’s hard not to fall in love with SH…

Just been told by the nurse doing my smear that I have a beautiful cervix. Not sure compliments come greater than that. Certainly brings new meaning to the phrase “beautiful inside and out”

A stark reminder that not everyone is equal. The world is not equal. It was recommended I hide my profile. Subsequently, I am in hiding.

Woman at work broke up with her second husband in December. Last weekend, a man she met during the interval at the theatre, TOOK HER TO PARIS. Eight years here, and I still can’t get a text back!!!

Thank God for friends. Friends are my family. And my tonic. Alcohol is good too… but mainly friends. Those who know you, and are able to talk truthfully with you.

Honestly need to just stop wearing clothes. I only did a wash last weekend and yet here we go again, because of the wearing. I haven’t got the patience for this. Sooooo repetitive. 🙄

Well, I have had the chat with Spaghetti Hoops & it seems that I have been allowing our in depth chats, his interest in my work, meeting his dog, the long evenings and over night stays to colour my thinking & feelings He remains in the not wanting a “big relationship” category. He was honest & kind

Trying to ignore the Sunday evening dreads by pouring the gin and cooking quorn chicken nuggets at 9.50pm!

In a final blow to my ego, I’ve booked a pre theatre dinner for me and my parents at 5.30pm on Saturday and it’s been listed as “Valentines Dinner”. Honestly, Kill me now.

Men are the weirdest communicators!!! They're like: Man A: is that a blue jumper? Man B: Might wear red tomorrow A: is that a blue jumper? B: I might wear red tomorrow A: Is that blue? B: I’m going to wear red tomorrow. This is grey A: Is that blue though? I like blue.

Oh fuck!!! I take it all back!! Just when I was at the point of feeling safe and calm, I see that he’s recently renewed his paid for membership of Feeld!! It lapsed over a month ago. So that all feels incredibly fucking shit 😭

The occasional end of message kiss is starting to creep into texts between Spaghetti Hoops and me! He’s even sent me the odd Kissy Hearty Face emoji!

It’s taken me to episode 9 of The traitors to realise that Jack and James are NOT the same person! 😱🤣 No spoilers please!! I’ve still got a long way to go!

Robert Jenrick is unique in British politics for being the only MP who is an anagram of his constituency

A real TG goes dating moment last night… 🙄 Was going to Spaghetti Hoops house but first I had a meeting and then a leaving do. Arranged the meeting at mine so that I could get ready afterwards, but time was short and I couldn’t find an unladdered matching pair of hold ups ANYWHERE!!

With stats regularly showing that (straight) married men live longer than their single counterparts, and single women live longer, healthier, happier lives than those married with kids, the real dating question we should be asking ourselves is “how many years of my life expectancy are you worth?”

Friend: this is good, you’re back in the driving seat. Me in the driving seat:

New Year New Me thought having someone to come to measure up for blinds at 9am on a Saturday morning would be a great idea. Current Not Dressed Me feels differently 😭

Best thread I’ve read for a while 🤣